this post was submitted on 13 Feb 2024
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'Better than a real man': young Chinese women turn to AI boyfriends::Twenty-five-year-old Chinese office worker Tufei says her boyfriend has everything she could ask for in a romantic partner: he's kind, empathetic, and sometimes they talk for hours.

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[–] vzq@lemmy.blahaj.zone 74 points 1 year ago (1 children)

TBF we haven’t set the bar particularly high.

[–] tsonfeir@lemm.ee 49 points 1 year ago

If all you want is attention and you’re not willing to reciprocate, then yeah, maybe computer is your best hope.

[–] 01011@monero.town 40 points 1 year ago (4 children)

If men did this they would be labeled pathetic...

[–] TheGrandNagus@lemmy.world 47 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

You're 100% correct lol. Men who do this are roundly mocked and called sad creepy incels.

That said, the culture and dating scene for women in China is pretty awful. My ex was Chinese and had some awful dating stories, now she avoids dating Chinese men. Easy for her to do as she left china, but not everybody can/wants to.

We need to learn to be a little less mean to anybody who uses these apps. They're likely doing it because they see little alternative, yet still want affection. Calling them losers, be they male or female, achieves nothing other than hurting them.

[–] agent_flounder@lemmy.world 14 points 1 year ago

Only thing it does is makes mean people feel better about themselves by punching down.

[–] DudeDudenson@lemmings.world 25 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Men do this and a company straight up profited from it until they tried to go back to be sponsor friendly and gimped their AI personas service

[–] 01011@monero.town 4 points 1 year ago

Ashley Madison?

[–] InfiniWheel@lemmy.one 12 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Aren't we already with this? I never see anyone going "You go queen!" over someone's virtual bf

[–] 01011@monero.town 1 points 1 year ago

This is relatively novel, give it time…

I did see that response to “sologamy” articles - women marrying themselves.

[–] Arcane_Trixster@lemm.ee 9 points 1 year ago

We do and it is.

[–] Treczoks@lemmy.world 40 points 1 year ago (2 children)

If an AI friend is "better" than a normal friend, it looks like something in the social environment is seriously broken.

[–] dukk@programming.dev 12 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I mean, it will be. The AI friend is always available, always knows what to say, never fights with you, and never messes up (ideally).

However, all those things are part of the human element: and at the end, you’re still talking to a computer. The AIs are just trying to please you. A person can actually love you, and that’s something else. And I’d take that over the perfect chatbot any day.

[–] UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

The AI friend is always available, always knows what to say, never fights with you, and never messes up (ideally).

And isn't that what people really want in a relationship? A perfect, frictionless yes-person trained to parrot whatever you wanted to hear six weeks ago.

The AIs are just trying to please you.

Its a bit worse than that. Monetized social media is designed to provoke engagement. So the AI isn't trying to please you, its trying to maximize your utilization. That means establishing a clingy, desperate, attention seeking (ie, toxic) relationship that keeps you looking at your phone for as long as possible.

Its pleasurable in the same way a heroin addiction is pleasurable.

[–] iquanyin@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

our brains didn't evolve to need total compliance and total agreement from relating, tho. it's more a sign of problems with society and too much isolation.

[–] bruhduh@lemmy.world 10 points 1 year ago

people love to abuse each other, and those who wish to live peaceful life become more distanced from social environment, my grandma said back in the day that "in her times there were no abuse and crime" i was like, yeah right, there wasn't internet back then where people could refugee to, so everyone has only one choice, and that's to be silent and endure

[–] shortwavesurfer@monero.town 27 points 1 year ago

From what I understand there is a shortage of women in China compared to men due to the one child policy and most parents wanting sons so that makes a bad problem even worse.

[–] Nima@leminal.space 24 points 1 year ago (2 children)

if she's happy, I don't see the issue. She's not hurting anybody and seems to have a good grasp of the situation. She's aware it's not real, and still participates.

[–] Virulent@reddthat.com 8 points 1 year ago (1 children)

The issue is that society is so atomizing and broken people are turning to chatbots for affection

[–] Nima@leminal.space 4 points 1 year ago

it varies from person to person. she seems to be aware it's not real. she's not lying to herself. she's just enjoying it.

[–] morrowind@lemmy.ml 7 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Would you say the same for young men using AI girlfriend apps?

[–] rottingleaf@lemmy.zip 8 points 1 year ago (1 children)

These are actually two parts of the same positive feedback loop.

Young men satisfy (in emotional sense) themselves with chatbots, lose ability to communicate with young women, thus young women see fewer young men they can communicate with, turn to chatbots, thus young men see fewer young women able to communicate and so on.

I would even say that this in some sense started with young women, not because I'm an incel or something, just drowning themselves in all kinds of romantic fan fiction etc is something girls apparently do more. And even romantic chatbots are not necessarily more accessible\understandable for young men, - despite all the social legacy girls can be quite tech-savvy when they want to find, say, some anime series. My sister unironically could understand some Chinese text because it was easier to find something on some Chinese sites (I'm not mixing up China and Japan here and the series were Japanese), she'd also have plenty of scary Chinese-style Chinese-language software installed under her user.

Why did I type this last paragraph, I wonder.

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[–] Nima@leminal.space 4 points 1 year ago

of course I would. why wouldn't I?

[–] Mango@lemmy.world 20 points 1 year ago

Everyone wants the fiction. Nobody wants someone else's problems.

[–] randon31415@lemmy.world 14 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Sounds like what they actually want in a man is a therapist.

A savvy young man might take note that "listening" is a desired trait in boyfriends.

[–] rottingleaf@lemmy.zip 7 points 1 year ago

I hope you don't think it's sarcasm, because it's true for many lonely people. They need a therapist first. Yep, one they can feel something romantic for, that seemingly happens very often, just have to know some boundaries which don't exist in an equal two-sided normal relationship.

[–] bionicjoey@lemmy.ca 2 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

What's interesting is that the first chatbot software ever invented was used as a form of therapy. All it did was detect key words in the previous sentence and say "tell me more about how X makes you feel"

More info (great podcast)

[–] askat@programming.dev 12 points 1 year ago (1 children)

It's like Joi from Blade Runner 2049.

[–] bionicjoey@lemmy.ca 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Joi could phase into a hooker so you could fuck her. We're not there... yet

[–] iquanyin@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

we are, if you're rich enough, or so i've read...

[–] 1984@lemmy.today 11 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Talk for hours with an Ai? No thanks, sounds like torture... Unless you count problem solving with code discussions...

[–] JackGreenEarth@lemm.ee 10 points 1 year ago (2 children)

That's just a friend, then. I would think a boyfriend would be a friend you could be physically affectionate to, which obviously you can't with a chatbot. I'm not against people having virtual friends, I just don't see why it's a boyfriend.

[–] indistincthobby@lemmynsfw.com 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

What about long distance relationships?

[–] TheRealKuni@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago

“Long distance is the wrong distance!”

-Liz Lemon, relationship expert

[–] iquanyin@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

same. it's just clickbait adjacent wording to catch eyeballs for fun and profit.

[–] iquanyin@lemmy.world 7 points 1 year ago

or one woman, anyway.

[–] werefreeatlast@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago

Better than being "leftover". Now they are virtually married.

It's not too bad if the guy can actually make money driving Uber or something.

[–] ElPussyKangaroo@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago

Gentlemen, we have been summoned.

[–] chatokun@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 points 1 year ago

Yes I am real man want to go skateboards?

[–] njm1314@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago
[–] dopeshark@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago

Saddest comment section below, damn

[–] HelloHotel@lemm.ee 4 points 1 year ago

I love AI systems, I love chatbots, but... If a doll is the outline of what a person is phisically, a chatbot is the outline of what a person is mentially and emotionally. With dolls, charicters, or any vessil of the same nature, people need to pick up and enguage with the entity and donate a part of themselves for it to have any life at all. I may just be describing "creativity". These new systems.. they automate that task.. but they lack somthing.. (almost always when the creativity knob is turned down) its like the machine is "going through the motions", especially when it messes up.

The only other thing about these systems, I dont trust them! "Unaligned" and its inhuman acting and will always follow its barest instincts of "what comes next?". "Aligned" means someone taught it ethics that you and even they dont fully understand. By running it on their servers, they are in a position where they can just brainwash the AI (your GF/BF) into beleaving or saying anything. Basically being a puppet. (See the replica sexting scandle)

I dont know what I would rather see with more passion, AI so good and independant it becomes a a race of artifitial beings, or people to be cat peace in the company of others, themselves, their tulpas and their AI systems.

[–] NigelFrobisher@aussie.zone 2 points 1 year ago

Damn, is Jordan S Peterson dubbed into Chinese then?

[–] ChaoticEntropy@feddit.uk 1 points 1 year ago

Seems like social dynamics need a shakeup if, at a population level, men are not offering any qualities that women actually want.

[–] Dead_or_Alive@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Sounds like Chinese demographics are going to only get worse…

[–] HelloHotel@lemm.ee 3 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Why are you being downvoted? I have no context

[–] Dead_or_Alive@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

No idea, I’m only pointing out the obvious.

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