Ask Lemmy

"Take responsibility for yourself."

"Be accountable."

"Learn to accept things you can't control."

"Self pity gets you nowhere."

These are all nongendered ways of saying your mental health is your own responsibility. Or, simply repeat to yourself your own observation, "If I'm feeling bad but force myself to do something, I usually feel better." You were already on the right track friend. Just realize gender has absolutely nothing to do with the concept and counter thoughts that tell you otherwise.

I think instead "be nice to the future you", in the end do we do most things for our future self. It may be hard today but you will be happy you did it tomorrow.

Let's roll.

Monkey Up

Adversity is inevitable, mistakes are your greatest teacher. Learn and grow, or become your own prisoner.

So far my favorite is "Rise up".

Feelings are just chemicals in your brain. Don't let those tiny bastards win.

Don't let your emotions rule you.

I'm also fond of a line from The Matrix: There is no spoon.

Some variation of, "Well... Looks like today is my turn to be the adult," is usually what I say to myself when there's some necessary but unpleasant task that I have to take care of.

When I was strugging with motivation in getting out to go for a run or whatever I found "Just do it" to be fairly effective. Only later realizing I was lifting the Nike slogan. Still, it works for me.

"Once you've got a task to do, it's better to do it than live with the fear of it."
-Logan nine fingers (Joe Abercrombie)

Helped me a lot in dark times...

It's kinda sorta stoicism, just phrased in a judgmental, dismissive way, that is also pointlessly and rather toxically gendered. It's close to the minimum amount of helpfulness "advice" can possibly have.

Being done with stuff feels good if your reward system is working properly. Other than that, while you can have "inertia" issues getting started and that feels kinda stressful, procrastination tends to get stressful too, after a while. At a certain point you'll just have delayed the gratification to fit in some more worried and often unsatisfying faffing around.

Since pushing through whatever seems to work for you and make you feel better, I would focus on that instead of nonsense about not being macho enough.

Nowadays I say "this shit ain't nothing to me" or "it is what it is" a lot. I never thought about it being more gender neutral until this post though.

I reframe it as a reminder that something is temporary. "I only have to deal with this for x more hours/days/whatever" helps me remember that while I gotta be tough now, I don't necessarily have to be later.

I don't remember the details but there was an Internet story about a dude who'd say "man up" and people explained why that was a problem and he updated to "fortify". And I really like that, because it kinda suggests also getting help where you need it to build up your defenses in order to face the thing you need to face.

"Fucking pretend you know what you are doing." Always seems to work. Feel how you feel l, and don't shame yourself for fear.

Take the hit

You need to just see this as something that everyone has to deal with. You can feel your feelings still do what you need to do. Ignoring your feelings doesn't make you any more of a man.

Do your duty. Take responsibility. Do what needs to be done.

Man up doesn't mean do something stupid, it means do it has to be done, good or bad. Get it done.

Lets do some wild improvisation!

It promts me to a) just fukkin do it and b) not expect perfection

It's not useful as a punchy slogan, but in periods of duress I try to step outside my feelings to evaluate my goals and reactions, and then when I have done that analysis I visualize myself doing a kind of DBZ power up sequence, but kind of defensively oriented. It sounds ridiculous and I am explaining it really poorly but it seems to help

'show your courage'

'what cannot be controlled must be endured'

If you're going through Hell, keep going.

My mantras are:
Just do it. 🗸 = stop overanalyzing, start with whatever action you can do right now
Always eat your dessert first. = start with the most enjoyable or easiest part of the task
Be someone else. = pretend it's not you facing the tough situation but someone else who asked you to get them out of it

Get prehistoric, go full barbarian, hulk it out, become psychosocial.

Suck it up.

Embrace the suck.

Stop being a pussy (I use this sparingly and only around people who I know can handle it. If they take offense, I tell them since I, being a woman, have a pussy, I get to say that. I am reclaiming the word.)

Old guy at work asks me if I like my job and I say no. He says "Work is for family not for you."

*cue Mulan Make a Man Out of You song

I'm going to analyze this assuming you're more manly than not, since that's where my experience is at.

Emotions are separate, related issues that can be tackled just like a man can. A therapist with "Men's Issues" experience knows how to frame the woo and abstractions of regular therapy with more actionable techniques. Someone with very intense or inappropriate emotions may need to face the emotions MORE than the problem at hand. There are techniques and viewpoints to be understood, and I had to use these myself.

It's stuff like simple facts about emotions. They exist. They influence your actions. They can be modified and analyzed. They need to be managed like an adult manages a child. Ignoring emotions can compact them into deep seated hurt that induce more emotions. Process your past to free yourself from that hurt. It won't be fast, but it needs to be done.

If certain situations that cause emotions can be avoided, do so when reasonable. If they cannot be ignored, recognize that external help through tools, techniques, and friends are not weakness, but the weapons you use to to fight your battles. Forgive yourself slipping while always focusing on the output. Learn to cry, and know how it makes you more powerful and strong.

Notice that this is closer to "wise old karate master" or "Boy Scout Scoutmaster" talk. It's what men crave but rarely find in popular media. IF the person does not have issues with their emotions and have a sufficiently sized ego, pulling them through the first steps of anxiety and hesitation is enough to make someone feel competent and secure. Positive visualization, goading their ego, pushing buttons (gently), it's good for many men but not for all of them, and it just doesn't translate to a lot of women. Expand your arsenal of emotional management for your target audience. You're a good person for wanting to find a better way to help others.

Listen to this

Don't be such a pussy, pussy, You a damn pussy.

https://youtu.be/DgvGIjzRMWk?si=cqjLrlnM-vxovWCD

I tend to think of it like a personal trainer, "push, you got this, one more rep". More positive and gender neutral.

bro down, dude