this post was submitted on 05 Mar 2024
180 points (78.7% liked)

Asklemmy

43810 readers
1 users here now

A loosely moderated place to ask open-ended questions

Search asklemmy ๐Ÿ”

If your post meets the following criteria, it's welcome here!

  1. Open-ended question
  2. Not offensive: at this point, we do not have the bandwidth to moderate overtly political discussions. Assume best intent and be excellent to each other.
  3. Not regarding using or support for Lemmy: context, see the list of support communities and tools for finding communities below
  4. Not ad nauseam inducing: please make sure it is a question that would be new to most members
  5. An actual topic of discussion

Looking for support?

Looking for a community?

~Icon~ ~by~ ~@Double_A@discuss.tchncs.de~

founded 6 years ago
MODERATORS
 

So I've realized that in conversations I'll use traditional terms for men as general terms for all genders, both singularly and for groups. I always mean it well, but I've been thinking that it's not as inclusive to women/trans people.

For example I would say:

"What's up guys?" "How's it going man?" "Good job, my dude!โ€ etc.

Replacing these terms with person, people, etc sounds awkward. Y'all works but sounds very southern US (nowhere near where I am located) so it sounds out of place.

So what are some better options?

Edit: thanks for all the answers peoples, I appreciate the honest ones and some of the funny ones.

The simplest approach is to just drop the usage of guys, man, etc. Folks for groups and mate for singular appeal to me when I do want to add one in between friends.

(page 2) 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[โ€“] anarchost@lemm.ee 16 points 1 year ago (4 children)

You're asking about a collective and also a singular...

Just in general I'd say that if you're trying to quit a habit around trans women, go the extra mile and quit it around cis ones too. For the collective "hey guys" I have no one-word replacement ("folks/folx" sounds equally southern and somehow more cringe), but you could replace the whole phrase with "hey everybody", "hi gang", "how are you all", or just "hey".

When speaking to any woman, I would advise against calling them "dude" or "man." Full stop. No further thoughts necessary on that one.

load more comments (4 replies)
[โ€“] Wes_Dev@lemmy.ml 15 points 1 year ago

I bit the bullet and was the cringy person at work who said "peeps". After a few months of do this, it was amusing to see the word spread until my boss's boss started saying peeps in meetings.

[โ€“] SecretPancake@feddit.de 15 points 1 year ago (1 children)
load more comments (1 replies)
[โ€“] frefi@lemmy.dbzer0.com 14 points 1 year ago

for singular use boo works, and plural you can say "hey, fuckos"

[โ€“] Agent641@lemmy.world 14 points 1 year ago (1 children)
load more comments (1 replies)
[โ€“] NigelFrobisher@aussie.zone 14 points 1 year ago (1 children)
load more comments (1 replies)
[โ€“] MargotRobbie@lemm.ee 13 points 1 year ago

"Mate" is always a good option, I wish it's used more universally in the States, too.

[โ€“] Squirrel@thelemmy.club 13 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Peeps

Note: You will sound like a tool if you say this.

load more comments (1 replies)
[โ€“] TheAlbatross@lemmy.blahaj.zone 13 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

English is sorely lacking a second person plural. Y'all fills that gap well and should be adopted over other regional suggestions such as the Jersey youse guys or the dreaded Philly... yinz.

I'd avoid using "dude" as I've heard this specifically as an example that bothered some women.

Y'all is great. I use it often in the North East and only one schmuck ever said anything about it.

Buddy works, but comes off kind of aggressive towards strangers, same with pal or pals, but that may be my own regional affectation showing off.

[โ€“] anarchost@lemm.ee 10 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

"Buddy" elicits so many conflicting feelings in me.

Encino Man "buuuuudy"

load more comments (1 replies)
[โ€“] GTG3000@programming.dev 12 points 1 year ago

"What's up everypony?"

[โ€“] onlooker@lemmy.ml 12 points 1 year ago

Fellow bipedal meat-things.

[โ€“] BluJay320@lemmy.blahaj.zone 12 points 1 year ago
[โ€“] craig9@lemm.ee 12 points 1 year ago

My go-to is folks, but 1000 others have mentioned that already. So I will throw in "people".

"Hey people, how's it going?"

That works for me

[โ€“] Saigonauticon@voltage.vn 11 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

I just omit the unnecessary words or use their name. That works OK, although I'm awful with names so usually it just becomes "Good job!" or "What's up?".

Funny story time: in English I find this is not so bad. In French it's worse. In Vietnamese it's awful. We have dozens of pronouns. They're not only mostly gendered, but contain information about their age and perceived status relative to you. It's a 3-dimensional matrix where the axes are approximately gender, age/hierarchy, and degree of relation (inlaws/blood relations/strangers). You even get a different word for yourself in some of these situations. Then sometimes there's a numerical rank inside each pronoun e.g. male uncle, my spouse's family, 3rd oldest.

The language is already at maximum pronoun burden. Honestly it would just be easier if we called each other 'human' or 'comrade' or 'citizen' or something equally encompassing. It's exhausting as a non-native speaker (and you are not ever allowed to use their names, that's considered super rude).

You could copy Scooby do and refer to the group of people as 'gang', 'team' works too

[โ€“] Arghblarg@lemmy.ca 11 points 1 year ago (1 children)
load more comments (1 replies)
[โ€“] quinkin@lemmy.world 11 points 1 year ago
[โ€“] echo@lemmings.world 10 points 1 year ago

all friends everyone folks peeps team

If you're only addressing one person then it can be left off entirely.

[โ€“] kaffiene@lemmy.world 10 points 1 year ago (1 children)
load more comments (1 replies)
[โ€“] sjmulder@lemmy.sdf.org 10 points 1 year ago (2 children)
load more comments (2 replies)
[โ€“] pearable@lemmy.ml 10 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Folks for groups and friend for individuals is my go to. Comrade if you want to be spicy

load more comments
view more: โ€น prev next โ€บ