Red_Sunshine_Over_Florida

The solitude in my life kinda feels a bit less bearable today after being drained at work. Who's up to chat?

Some of the ones who are against him are all like: "He's so rude, he's going to ruin our country." But, then they turn around and tell me that the country has an illegal migrant problem and that we shouldn't try to take so many migrants into the country. It's almost like they want his policies but, they just don't like that he pushes them in such crass style. It's so much of the dynamic you see with the two parties, where one is the mask-off barbarism party and the other one is the "smart" and "civil" barbarism party. No matter how many times you explain this to these people, they always find themselves back to the beginning where they were traumatized by seeing Trump be rude in 2016, and allow that to be the pass the Democrats need to enact similar policies as the "civil" barbarism party. It's maddening to try to reason with these people and see it's all been a fruitless effort.

I’ve been sitting on this story for a while and wanted to eventually share it here. [CW: References to Homophobia] This is a story about the only self- described communist I’ve met in my life so far.

A few years ago after my job I got to know a number of workers on the shift, including the old inventory man, who recently retired this year. Me, being without friends to talk about the stuff that I studied in college (history mainly), got to chatting with him about what I learned in university. Unlike most people I speak to, he got some of the references to historical figures and current events, revealing a person who took great pride in his own self taught schooling. We particularly connected when I referenced reading about the historiographers tracing developments in writing on the Caribbean back through historians such as Eric Williams, who was well known to him when he was growing up in the Caribbean during the 60s. He had an old tattered copy of Capitalism and Slavery at home that he took great pride in owning. I initially got the impression from talking about history with him that he had strong left vibes inspired by the anti colonial movements of the mid 20th century, especially when he talked about his disdain for the French under de Gaulle continuing to meddle in African affairs down to the present. However, I just assumed he would describe himself in the vein of being some sort of left-liberal, I did not expect the moment I’m going to describe to you all.

One day when we are all doing our jobs, we get into the usual sort of conversation about history and politics. I think the conversation veered towards universal health care or something, I can’t remember exactly. He then steers the conversation towards the Cuban healthcare system, and then the conversation climaxes with him basically shouting/proclaiming to me in earshot of anyone who’ll listen, “I am a Communist, and Fidel Castro is my childhood hero!” This surprised me as I tend to avoid the c word in public but he brought it up himself. It wasn't every day someone shouted at you that they're a communist. He then told me it was his dream to travel to Cuba and receive an education there when he was young but his parents made him study in America instead. We had some further conversations like this about the state of American hegemony. The point being here was I had never met a self-described communist before and never expected to given the conservative area of the country I live in.

However, it was in my conversations with him that I also discovered his religiosity and the homophobia that it fueled. This first showed up in our conversations about history, where he took great interest in the chronology of the near east during the Iron Age because of his religion. But, it was in conversing with another coworker (someone who I trust and I’m out to now), that I discovered the extent of his homophobia. She told me she noticed a tendency in him to be particularly belligerent with any young people who worked here in the past that he perceived to be queer, to the point that he had to be warned by the supervisor. It was in discovering this that I understood I could not consider him a comrade and resolved to not to get into any conversation that might draw any homophobic ire. We kept talking at times but, for the most part we spoke less because of a change in schedules. He retired a couple of months after I found all that out, and that was the last I ever saw of him.

Idk, I was a bit excited at first that I might have found a person who I could call a comrade irl but he had major religious brain worms that I didn’t want to get into.

I watched a couple of videos of a girl with autism talking about some aspects of how she experienced it. One topic she discussed and gave an example of was what I think is called echolalia. I don't know but, for as long as I could remember, even up to today, I have always enjoyed repeating lines of dialogue or noises I have found funny. Not necessarily immediately but, often when I feel the situation feels appropriate, though most other people won't understand that since they cannot read my mind to get the context I'm referring to. Basically these repeated noises or lines can be triggered by responding to some sort of stimulus, like the topic of a conversation. This has got me thinking about whether this is a symptom of autism.

For example, yesterday when I was preparing some food to take for lunch on my day trip, I heard a typical news story about the American’s blowing hot air about returning to the moon. Now of course that story begins with a reference to the original Apollo program, including Kennedy’s Rice University speech. In middle school, during the 50 year anniversary of the program, this commercial played nonstop of the clip from the Rice speech where Kennedy says the word “moon.” At the time, I thought the way he said the word in his New England accent was funny so I repeated the word as an exaggerated “moo.” When I heard the context of the news story, I started to say “moo” in reference to the Rice speech. This then runs into a stream of monologue that I've gone through before, all of which I find funny but, to a stranger would seem quite unusual.

Then another time today, when two people near me were talking about cars and mentioned a jeep, that triggered the specific memory of a one-off character on an episode of MASH I saw 12 years ago. It was the way the guy on TV said the word jeep that made me copy and remember the sound. Then my mind went to remembering the rest of the dialogue. All during that moment, I lightly held back the urge to say the words I found most funny out loud because I knew that would make me look unusual to most observers.

I can do this when talking to people or more often, when I'm talking to myself, even in the vicinity of others. I know this probably makes me unusual in their opinions of me but, part of me just doesn't care since I know from life experience most of them would still ignore me if I acted the way they wanted me to be. In those cases, I usually chalk it up to acting like a jokester to get attention but these videos made me reconsider that a bit.

For additional context, I had some college officials at the child autism center suggest I get evaluated but, I was turned off by the runaround with trying to find local adult resources for this issue (I love stress and procrastination). The same thing was suggested by my high school guidance counselor after a rough year where I reverted to taking my ADHD meds to improve my grades, though my mother felt insulted at the suggestion given to her by the evaluators that she just dropped it there and never explored it further.

I don't know. I've heard that autism can vary from person to person but, I guess one thing that keeps me doubting every time my suspicions bubble up is comparing myself to my college roommate, who was diagnosed during the time I lived with her. She showed symptoms that I don't have and that has reassured me in saying that I do not have autism.

So I guess I'll ask if these instances I've described above sound like symptoms of autism? There are plenty of other times I've acted like this in everyday life but, I wanted to provide a couple of concrete examples of what I'm talking about so I provided the most recent examples I could remember.

Also, does repeating certain words you latch onto occasionally during a time of stress constitute a symptom, because now that I'm thinking about it, I've been conscious of doing that for at least 15 years or so. The word or phrase tends to change every couple of years.

I appreciate your input on all of this. I'm so isolated all the time that I never get to compare notes with peers.

Edit: I just thought of another example right now. When I hear a certain type of doorbell sound, that gives me the strong urge to say the phrase "quorum call." That one again comes from when I was a teenage lib and watched C-Span on occasion. I don't know the exact thought process but, that's a thing for me and I try not to say it out loud in front of strangers.

We already got Cheetler and Cheetoloni for , it only makes sense to use a leader from the third member of the Axis. Plus Hideki Cheeto doesn't have the same ring.

In it Indiana Jones (played by a CGI Harrison Ford) fights his Paperclip Nazi roommate for the fabled last chalice of prune juice.

When I was a kid, I remember seeing clouds of them in the school field when we went out to play. There used to be so many that they would cover your windshield. For the last few years I have hardly seen any around. Today, I only saw a single solitary bug lazily flying through the air.

I suspect the rapidly changing climate is the cause but, I guess I feel a bit of shock at realizing and reflecting on the fact that this is happening right at home.

I am looking for suggestions on a good book that surveys queer history and perspectives. I would like to understand the topic better, especially from a materialist view of history.

Did anyone else have experiences in school where they started you on medication around age 5 and did not inform you of how the condition worked after diagnosis? How was it like trying to find more information about it in adulthood? I'm looking for others to compare to with my own experiences.

For me it was a diagnosis at age 5 after referral by the school to a psychiatrist and years of being told I'd “outgrow” it. I had problems at times with procrastination that led to issues with school work at different points a few years into being off medication. I guess I just want to understand what it was all about.

Anybody have any tips for keeping calm when a chud says their usual callous shit? I'm still a bit piqued from today.

Edit: Thank you all for your helpful comments. I greatly appreciate it.

Can anyone suggest sites for pen pals/ chat where you could find a person uninvolved with this site who is on the same page on left and queer issues? In the past I tried the new friend/hobby setting on the major dating apps but, I find they almost make impossible these days to sort for someone to talk to that has your same niche interests.