Transfem

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A community for transfeminine people and experiences.

This is a supportive community for all transfeminine or questioning people. Anyone is welcome to participate in this community but disrupting the safety of this space for trans feminine people is unacceptable and will result in moderator action.

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Some helpful links:

The Gender Dysphoria Bible // In depth explanation of the different types of gender dysphoria.
Trans Voice Help // A community here on blahaj.zone for voice training.
LGBTQ+ Healthcare Directory // A directory of LGBTQ+ accepting Healthcare providers.
Trans Resistance Network // A US-based mutual aid organization to help trans people facing state violence and legal discrimination.
TLDEF's Trans Health Project // Advice about insurance claims for gender affirming healthcare and procedures.
TransLifeLine's ID change Library // A comprehensive guide to changing your name on any US legal document.

Support Hotlines:

The Trevor Project // Web chat, phone call, and text message LGBTQ+ support hotline.
TransLifeLine // A US/Canada LGBTQ+ phone support hotline service. The US line has Spanish support.
LGBT Youthline.ca // A Canadian LGBT hotline support service with phone call and web chat support. (4pm - 9:30pm EST)
988lifeline // A US only Crisis hotline with phone call, text and web chat support. Dedicated staff for LGBTQIA+ youth 24/7 on phone service, 3pm to 2am EST for text and web chat.

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how are you referred to by others (e.g. "buddy", "friend", "ladies", "dear", etc.)? (lemmy.blahaj.zone)

submitted 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) by dandelion@lemmy.blahaj.zone to c/mtf@lemmy.blahaj.zone

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I have a friend who lives on the West coast of the US who refers to me as "buddy" a lot, and I don't mention it, but it gives me the ick (she knew me pre-transition). I think she just uses it like a gender-neutral word for anyone (the way "dude" and "bro" ca be used sometimes), but I'm triggered, lol 😅

In public / with people who never knew me before transition, people will often refer to me and whoever I'm with (they're usually women) as "ladies" (ironically my sister-in-law hates how often she is called "ladies" when she's around me, lol).

On the phone or individually people often refer to me as "dear". In the South, I got a lot more "sweetie", "honey", and even "sweet girl" and "good girl".

What have your experiences been like (before, during, and after transition)?

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[–] TheLeadenSea@sh.itjust.works 8 points 1 day ago (1 children)

My driving instructor was the only person who I can think of pre transition who called me anything specific, he called me "lad", which I told him multiple times I didn't like and he kept 'forgetting' and using it anyway :(

I've gotten called "that woman over there" (a conversation I overheard), and to my face, Miss and Ma'am. I also get the "ladies" thing when with others, haha!

[–] dandelion@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

yay, we're ladies 👏 👏 👏

pre-transition I was mistaken for a girl from behind once and called "miss" by a customer (which caused mixed feelings for me)

but mostly pre-transition I had typical boy and man experiences: "he", "sir", "dude", "bro", etc.

post-transition it is more typical of a young woman, lots of "miss"

when I was visibly trans or people knew I was trans, I would get a lot of "they" (even though I don't like being referred to as "they", particularly when it indicates discomfort or uncertainty from a cis person), or people just not using gendered language for me (I think a lot of this is an attempt to be polite in the face of ambiguity about my gender - they don't want to offend).

[–] TheLeadenSea@sh.itjust.works 4 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Ohh i just call all people who haven't told me othereise "they" to avoid assumptions, even if their gender is 'obvious', I hadn't considered people might not like that ...

[–] dandelion@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 1 day ago

ah, to be clear I don't think that's what's going on in my situation; though it is a good point that always using neutral "they" could cause some dysphoria for some people who actually care about being seen as their gender (like, if you did that to me now I may or may not start to feel insecure, like wondering if you clocked that I'm trans or if you're just a liberal, etc.)

I'm talking about an average cis person who isn't trying to be politically correct, who knows I identify as a woman and uses she/her pronouns, but who uses "they" anyway because I'm visibly trans.