this post was submitted on 19 Apr 2024
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chapotraphouse

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Imagine sitting there with imposter syndrome and thinking, "there is so much pressure on this conversation. I need to not only entertain someone much smarter than me, but I have to learn something profound that I can use as an anecdote for the rest of my life." Then looking down at your terrible 1920s German food while he nudges you to say something, but you just KNOW he talks about theoretical physics with everyone all day so he's probably bored of it. Besides you don't want to say something stupid like "Wow E=MC^2^ huh? That's somethin'. I figured it was MC or maybe MC^3^ but ^2^ wow."

But like if you talk about your dog he'll think you're simple so you've GOTTA work spacetime into it and learn something about spacetime so you can tell your grandkids and they won't think you're a loser. Imagine eating bread to calm your nerves and show that you're too busy to speak but then fixating on how much bread you're eating and wondering if Albert frickin' Einstein is judging you for that. And oh boy, now you have to say something EXTRA smart and NOT about theoretical physics to prove that you're not a bread-eating simpleton. Imagine having the opportunity to try to explain what you think spacetime is to Albert Einstein himself while your mouth is half-full of sawdust bread.

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[–] Parsani@hexbear.net 35 points 1 year ago

Just talk to him about socialism

[–] NephewAlphaBravo@hexbear.net 23 points 1 year ago (1 children)

"what's the dumbest patent that crossed your desk? wanna hear about the one for a car that locks you inside on fire?"

[–] happybadger@hexbear.net 10 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Dangerous dangerous territory. If you make fun of someone else's intelligence in the company of the person synonymous with genius, you now have to prove that you wouldn't submit a dumb patent. You have to come up with a really good idea on the spot KNOWING that Einstein can think of much better ideas with ease. Maybe your best patent idea will be the dumbest patent idea he has ever encountered.

[–] comrade_pibb@hexbear.net 20 points 1 year ago (3 children)

I would simply have great ideas

[–] ta00000@hexbear.net 3 points 1 year ago

Yeah like okay, water cooled pants. Done.

[–] happybadger@hexbear.net 2 points 1 year ago

Don't get me wrong. I'd come up with something great on the spot too. I'd be like "uh, uh, uh, ..., how about, mmm, uh, computer".

[–] Taster_Of_Treats@hexbear.net 2 points 1 year ago

I would never submit a patent. Have you seen how long those things are usually pending?

[–] citrussy_capybara@hexbear.net 19 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

if you don’t know how to have a conversation with a socialist wearing opened-toed flats, not sure how you manage to post here at all

[–] SSJ2Marx@hexbear.net 18 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

If he were alive today he'd be a Crocs guy, 100%

[–] happybadger@hexbear.net 11 points 1 year ago (1 children)

That's even worse. I know all the spoilers for socialism. He'll start to say something about how neat it is what Rosa Luxemburg is doing and I'll have to side-eye-1 side-eye-2 while choking down my sawdust bread with a glass of river water.

[–] edge@hexbear.net 2 points 1 year ago
[–] Magician@hexbear.net 14 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Thank you for adding another unlikely scenario I will plan for.

[–] NoYouLogOff@hexbear.net 13 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Putting this right next to my "whisked away into the medieval past" plans.

[–] Dessa@hexbear.net 7 points 1 year ago

That's a careful walk between "Dazzle them with your future tech and knowledge" and "Play it cool so you aren't burned for witchcraft."

Or just grab some guns and ammo and speedrun regicide

[–] edge@hexbear.net 3 points 1 year ago (3 children)

I wonder how much a single person from today with moderate technological knowledge could change history.

Like, I can't build a generator or cpu, but I have some knowledge of electricity and logic gates and what modern technology is capable of. Especially if I work with someone properly smart but too early, like Newton (a little past medieval but still). He could probably turn my moderate knowledge into something useful.

[–] JohnBrownNote@hexbear.net 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

materials science is a limiting factor. you could have wiring and a generator but what are you doing with those if nobody can make a lightbulb?

[–] edge@hexbear.net 1 points 1 year ago

That's where the question has a lot of interesting back and forth between the limits of my knowledge and how well others can use that knowledge. I know incandescent lightbulbs basically use a filament that loses energy in the form of light (and heat although that isn't desirable). I know there's more to it, but could that description be enough to set Newton or someone else on the path of figuring out the rest and actually making it? Even if it doesn't happen in a single lifetime, it would probably end up happening much earlier.

[–] radiofreeval@hexbear.net 4 points 1 year ago

Hand washing alone will save millions of lives

[–] HexBroke@hexbear.net 1 points 1 year ago

A basic understanding of thermodynamics and early engines would be pretty critical to advance material science to the point where you'd be able to make sure of the higher knowledge.

[–] mechwarrior2@hexbear.net 14 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Einstein: Yea ookay whatever pal (dumbass mf)

[–] mechwarrior2@hexbear.net 9 points 1 year ago

Einstein: Oh you think everyone is a wordcel? Interesting...

[–] SSJ2Marx@hexbear.net 13 points 1 year ago

if you talk about your dog he'll think you're simple

No way if Einstein met my dog he'd be so charmed by her cuteness that he wouldn't care about anything else until he left.

[–] abc@hexbear.net 13 points 1 year ago (1 children)

i AM a bread eating simpleton so i would just sit there and enjoy our meal together.

[–] GrouchyGrouse@hexbear.net 6 points 1 year ago

bread eating simpleton

Funny way to spell "man of distinguished culture"

[–] Hestia@hexbear.net 12 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I think Einstein would enjoy a good fart joke.

[–] happybadger@hexbear.net 7 points 1 year ago

You can't just tell Einstein fart jokes the entire dinner. I'd run out of other kinds of jokes within 30 minutes and have to show him memes on my phone.

[–] SpiderFarmer@hexbear.net 11 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Albert Einstein was apparently quite the bachelor, so I'd probably bond over freak shit with him. Also bratwurst.

[–] anarchoilluminati@hexbear.net 9 points 1 year ago

"Hey, Al, you look like a king with that drip. Let's go to the bar and meet some girls. Also, is it just me or does capitalism fucking suck? I think we need socialism or communism or something, personally, but, I don't know, I'm not a genius or anything. What do you think?"

Lifelong friendship with Albert Einstein achieved. Dudes rock.

[–] blashork@hexbear.net 11 points 1 year ago

I'd have a delightful meal with him and then spread that twink's cheeks and [I am violently beaten and gulagged by the volcel vanguard]

[–] Llituro@hexbear.net 10 points 1 year ago

i'd commiserate with him over how annoying it is to do calculus on manifolds. took him like 10 years to learn it and figure out how to correctly develop GR with it.

[–] charlie@hexbear.net 9 points 1 year ago

Easy, talk to him about socialism.

[–] Dolores@hexbear.net 8 points 1 year ago

i will make jokes about bratwurst being phallic, and he'd know about Freud too right? if he doesn't appreciate it, guess "i gave Einstein a wedgie" is almost as good

[–] Othello@hexbear.net 6 points 1 year ago

Assuming I am from the future, I am extremely confident that I am the most interesting person at that dinner merely by being a time traveler.

[–] Rod_Blagojevic@hexbear.net 6 points 1 year ago

I would ask him about Bofa.

[–] Egon@hexbear.net 5 points 1 year ago
[–] TraumaDumpling@hexbear.net 5 points 1 year ago

i'm too autistic to eat face to face with other people most of the time, but if i had the chance i would ask einstein about philosophy and religion and stuff like that. i'm too stupid at math to know enough about physics to talk about it in any detail with someone like einstein, but talking about the philosophical ramifications of the weirder side of physics or the philosophy of science or just epistemology or ontology in general would be interesting IMO.

Talk about how cousins are sooooo sexy

[–] LeylaLove@hexbear.net 2 points 1 year ago

Just declare it's time for beanie