Transfem

Are you sterilizing your razor? "ingrown hairs" might be razor burn for example, the follicle getting infected. Try using 70% isopropyl alcohol to sterilize your razor and see if that helps. Also, getting the skin nice and soft with really hot water helps as well, sometimes I wet a rag and put it in the microwave and then put the rag against my face and let it rest there until the skin is really warm. Using a proper shaving soap and knowing how to make a proper lather can also help.

Exfoliation is mostly to prevent ingrown hairs from developing AFAIK, I am not sure if it will actually help once you have them.

It depends on where, your skin varies across your body. I shave after showering and exfoliating. I use sensitive shave gel and moisturize right after shaving. I try and do so around once a week or once we every two weeks and find that I dont get many ingrown hairs maintaining this routine. I also change the razor blade frequently, once every month or so.

I've tried both physical and chemical exfoliation and found that neither seems to help with ingrown hairs.

I'm also hoping that someone here might know some solutions

Depends on where you want to epilate. Epilation should not be used on sensitive areas.

When someone mentions hair removal I always have to pop in to proselytize about sugar waxing. It's similar to "normal" waxing but it's a fraction of the cost, it's gentler and easier to clean up and you can make it yourself at home. The main cost is time, but you can essentially take a spa day every three months or so and enjoy smooth skin without much need for daily upkeep. It's usually able to get all the thickest, roughest hairs by the root and over time (about a year or two) those hairs will just stop coming back. The softer thinner ones will tend to break and come back eventually but they're also easier to deal with and not as prone to be troublesome.

Basically you need a set of reusable muslin cloth strips, a bottle of lemon juice, sugar, a pot and stove and some time. You can use a wax warmer but it's not strictly necessary if you don't mind microwaving now and then. I highly recommend at least trying it once and seeing how it works out before doing anything more expensive like laser.

Hard to give specific advice without knowing your technique and what gear you're using, but it is generally a good idea to wet, warm and scrub the skin before starting to shave.

When shaving, make sure the razor isn't tugging on your hairs, which can be done by pressing a couple of fingers on the skin behind the razor. Try no to shave against the direction of the hair growth on the first go. I shave three times for my sensitive areas, along the growth direction, then 90 degrees and lastla 180 degrees (against the growth direction).

Changing your shaving cream can also help, for some, finding a shaving cream with aloe vera can help.

If you're using a safety razor, changing to a slanted bar can also do wonders.

After the shave, I would recommend an after sun gel, preferably with aloe vera in it, don't go for after shave directly, unless it is a very good balm.

I shave in the shower with a new blade once a week. I use Gillette Sensitive shaving cream with Harry's Razors, short passes, rinsing in a plastic container with hot water each pass. Right after getting out, air dry (I have a fan in my bedroom) then use aloe vera wherever I shaved. I tried lotions and other aftershave creams, but a giant bottle of aloe vera works wonders on my skin and feels amazing.

The next day after shaving, I do IPL with a Braun Pro 5. After 4 weeks, the hair growth slowed significantly, the ingrown hairs are mostly gone. I do a touch up every 2 weeks, but I'm very happy with the results so far. YMMV. I have light skin with dark hair, so the IPL works well for me.