Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

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Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works

351

Anon’s clingers slow his apotheosis (infosec.pub)

submitted 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) by Gullible@sh.itjust.works to c/greentext@sh.itjust.works

15 comments fedilink hide all child comments

>be me
>biohacker focused on male vitality 
>spend years optimizing my life style diet and sleep
>Ice baths
>gigachad testosterone levels achieved
>read some estrogen is absorbed by the man during sex through vaginal fluids 
>read orgasm increases prolactin levels which makes people take on nurturing roles
>stop having sex with wife
>stop taking care of son
>testosterone goes up 21 points
>Deep sleep improves and pulse lowers
>wife won't talk to me
>son cries a lot and grades dropped 
>told son to meditate to regulate his amygdala to avoid his prefrontal cortex from shutting down 

How do you anons deal with the ever growing attacks on masculinity?

top 15 comments

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[–] red_bull_of_juarez@lemmy.dbzer0.com 138 points 1 week ago (3 children)

It reads like satire, but I know there is a number greater than zero of men who do this.

[–] Gullible@sh.itjust.works 75 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (3 children)

Attention: The person above is attempting to have you publicly mogged. Masticate my new supplement, Eagle Tar, to recoup your stolen androgens NOW. Sell your car, do the tar!

[–] j4k3@lemmy.world 19 points 1 week ago

Tar made me join the police academy and slap my wife just thinking about it. MAn i suddenly feel... Great Again, like I'm back in the double wide with my 3rd cousin Peggy and sister ^(in-law)^ Sue-Ellen. Oh Sister Sue how I Peg and U

[–] ICastFist@programming.dev 13 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Sell your car, do the tar!

Instructions unclear, became linux femboy

[–] RowRowRowYourBot@sh.itjust.works 6 points 1 week ago

You misread them you were supposed to be a Lexus fuckboy

[–] dan00@lemm.ee 12 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Eww wtf sex with wife??? That’s so gay brother, you better start taking Eagle Tar and stop with this nonsense pussy eating shit and start mogging these bitches by supplementing yourself with real alfa cock.

[–] int_not_found@feddit.org 11 points 1 week ago (1 children)

That Poe guy is really lurking behind every corner you look

[–] Peppycito@sh.itjust.works 5 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Nevermore

[–] ICastFist@programming.dev 6 points 1 week ago

Quoth the gay anon

[–] totallyNotARedditor@lemm.ee 3 points 1 week ago

Except from the son part I think I can name a few people I know

[–] lemmur@szmer.info 53 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

Fake: Anon has a wife

Gay: Anon is obsessed about testosterone and male vitality

[–] spacecadet@lemm.ee 3 points 1 day ago

If having sex with women increases estrogen then having sex with men must increase testosterone. Having sex with women is gay confirmed. The only way to be straight is to have sex with men.

[–] slaacaa@lemmy.world 43 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Nothing is more testosterone-inducing, then two naked bros just going at it in the gym shower.

Just make sure to always stop before either of you orgasms, so you can retain your peak performance for the workout after.

[–] wetbeardhairs@lemmy.dbzer0.com 18 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Actually it is way more important for OP to guzzle the other guy's cum. He'll get so much more testosterone that way.

[–] 100_kg_90_de_belin@feddit.it 7 points 1 week ago

The bioavailability of gym bros' spunk is off the charts