A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.
Great Satire Writing:
I recently attended a memorial for a friend's deceased mom.
There was a fucking asshole cunt there in a full on red shirt, blue pants, MAGA hat and Trump pin.
I briefly debated punching them in the face, but I didn't really want to disrupt the service any more than the fucker already was by existing.
I hope they get cancer.
What moron would do that
It was some distant relative of the person or something, I actually don't know who they are and I never ended up asking the friend because it seems kind of weird to be like, "hey who was that asshole at your mom's memorial?" - this was literally just a couple weeks ago so I feel like at best I should wait until it isn't as fresh.
Guy had a leg injury or something and walked with a cane and I allllllmost stole it.
You shouldn't steal a cane from someone that needs it to walk. You should weaken its structural integrity, so he would fall after putting a lot of weight on it.
You made my day with this comment.
The type of moron who votes. That's who.
I'm smart, I didn't vote last year.
Then you're not smart.
That's fine. I don't want to talk politics with him either.
I'm sorry. I mispoke. Let me correct myself.
I don't want to talk ~~politics~~ with him either.
Yes. That's more accurate!
So if I am an introvert, I should wear a MAGA hat and an ICE jacket?
I think then the extroverted racists would just assume you're also a racist too. And say the WORST things imaginable to you, thinking they're in a safe space.
This happens to me just because I'm a man with white skin who dresses country. I do love throwing them for a loop when it happens though.
Same here, working on classic cars gives me the opportunity to take lots of money from old rich white guys. I donate to PBS, NPR, and On the Media with it.
Ew.
Although, I could just run away. Would it mean less people would talk to me?
Please note I am joking and don't actually intend on wearing a MAGA hat or an ICE vestment
It worked for Larry David in Curb Your Enthusiasm. For a while...
It would only keep decent people away. Assholes would flock to you.
What if I wear a transgender pride scarf
Then you'd look like a trans for Trump person, making both sides hate you. That just might work! Although you're at risk for violence from Trumpistas.
What if I carry a gun
☹️
It's always:
We can disagree on one thing
Like, no, it's not "one thing" it's an innumerable amount of horrible shit rolled into a ball, and you're supporting all of it
Like a dung beetle rolling shit into a giant ball all day, it's all shit, but it's technically just one piece of shit now
I'm getting worried onion articles aren't supposed to be this accurate
Freedom of speech to them, like displaying political beliefs in a public setting, is always about forcing you to see/hear their bullshit while accusing you of trying to limit their “right” when you criticize and call out their bullshit.
Freedom of speech is a one-way street for them.
They kinda operate that way from top to bottom; whatever they can do to others to cause harm, they do their best to eliminate any recourse. US citizen deported? Sorry, we’ll throw the judge in jail who rules in your favor.
Just report him for impersonating an officer of the law (whatever law is left in the US, but it might work).
that's not how it works tho unfortunately. you're allowed to dress up like an officer. it's about whether you impersonate one in other words, make people believe you are one. if simply dressing like a cop is illegal, the male stripper industry would collapse.
Or report him to ICE
In my family, talking about politics has gotten a lot easier as of late. Even the conservatives and moderates in the family can agree that Trump and Elon are dumb af.
And they probably support them in private and vote along party lines still.
No, the conservatives just didn’t vote.
This is a blissfully accurate article