Funny

right now? you'd have to find me first, and I doubt that it's worth it for you. There's also other logistics you would have to figure out that also probably wouldn't be worth it for you.

at my place of work? The environment is so controlled that you just... probably won't succeed. Most people also don't even notice the stuff I'm actually doing to maintain my safety. The biggest thing is before the patient is even on the unit making sure there's nothing in the environment they can hit me with that would really hurt. One advantage I'll admit I have over the cops is that I'm 99.99% certain that no one in the environment has a gun (the 0.01th time was the night the ER really fucked up*). But there's also no corded devices, no IV poles or oxygen tanks to hit me with. Even stuff wide / long enough to get some leverage with like a dinner tray is made of styrofoam. Even the shitty coffee is lukewarm instead of boiling (sorry but I do what I gotta do).

Most people also don't notice that if they're even anxious I'm usually between them and the door or even if I'm letting them have a sightline to it for their own peace of mind I'm still closer. If they're actually mad I'm definitely between them and the door and whether or not they can see them I have at least one person for backup right outside the room, possibly 2 or more. I'm really just not that worried about it and I'd rather focus on what I can actually practically do to resolve the problem. Is there some comfort measure I can help with like warmth, cold, food or water? I'm not giving you a steak dinner for cussing me out but I can probably do peanut butter crackers and some water if you're just hangry. Do you wanna talk about your legal status and what the judge is actually going to look for while deciding whether or not to commit you? Do you just wanna yell at somebody for fifteen minutes? I can do most or all of that with some detail-based caveats.

If none of that works and you're actually trying to hit me or even yourself (but talking does work like 85-90% of the time) there's always haldol and if that doesn't work I'll try geodon and so on and so forth down a decently long list of options until you're either better able to control yourself or unconscious. If I have to lock you in a room or strap you to a chair until it hits I can do that too (the paperwork sucks tho). If you're on something real wild like PCP and can't be sedated without respiratory collapse you'll probably have to be detoxed in an ICU probably strapped to a bed and possibly intubated. But the confidence that I have the resources to handle most of the possibilities and that I have people to call if I can't makes it a lot easier to not overreact to being called slurs and just focus on what the actual safety risks are in the situation and what actually needs to be done to resolve the problem.

On the street? When I'm not in my scrubs I dress like a hobo and it's very obvious that whether or not I'm actually a tweaker (unless you count caffeine which is technically a stimulant) I'll probably lose a fight but I also will be taking either a testicle or an eyeball with me and you may or may not get a choice. Again, probably not worth it for you, probably not even worth interacting. Most people don't interact beyond polite mutual acknowledgement of our existences. My scrubs only barely cover my overwhelming feral raccoon aura.

Here's real footage of me when admin comes through with our traditional consolatory pizza and cookie offerings: