memes

Then 3 years later

Brooks, Herman and Anderson Law firm - Bonto data privacy class action lawsuit

BONTO! was sooo good. Like it really improved the Slorpiness.

BONTO! will be deleting your data soon

Log into BONTO! to save your data

BONTO! will be deleting your data soon

BONTO! will be deleting your data soon

BONTO! has archived your data

Subject: your billing statement is now available

Body: Log on to our website because we couldn't possibly JUST FUCKING TELL YOU HOW MUCH ELECTRICITY OR WHATEVER YOU USED THIS MONTH DIRECTLY IN THE E-MAIL; no, we've got to play fucking games and make you do extra work and stop you from automatically having a record of your shit without having to deliberately log on to the platform we control and download them individually with 30 seconds worth of clicking between each one.

WTF is even the point of the email if there's NO USEFUL INFORMATION IN IT?!

BONTO! has had a security breach. Your data has been stolen. We're sorry.

The same could be said for any form of communication, really.

I remember when phones used to be good. Now it's all

• We have important information about your car's warranty.
• Here's information on new solar panel installation that doesn't work with your home / location.
• You've been selected to answer a quick 15 question survey.

I remember when mail used to be good. Now it's all

• I'm a disgraced Nigerian prince and I need your help to protect my multi-million dollar fortune.
• Here's all the important sales WalMart is having this week! Don't miss out!
• Here's your electricity bill that you're enrolled in auto-pay for. No action is needed on your part, but we're sending you this 12-page summary anyway.

My current personal hell is

Log in to use Splurp™️!

USERNAME: Bongo Password: Schleeb209-!AA12

An E-Mail has been sent to Bongo@bingus.gov with a link to sign in [click link] Please confirm with 2FA!

Now do this again every fucking hour on this service you use all day you fucking cow.

Wait what? BONTO is shutting down??? Aww man...

I legit got an e-mail from Facebook telling me that I should join Facebook because “no one uses e-mail anymore”. Ummmm…..well someone must be still using e-mail and No.

I actually love email. While yes, this post is accurate, email is the most filterable communication system that I have. Since I have my own email-server, and I know how procmail rules work, I can tightly control who is allowed to contact me, and what folders their messages go into. It also has great crowd-sourcing of known spammers, that I can pull from to help me filter out spammy IP addresses.

Every other message system only has a "report spam" button, that is dependent on the service admins, and doesn't actually stop people from sending me annoying junk-mail.

BONTO! sucked anyhow. BONMO~ is the FOSS replacement that does everything better.

They're looking for devs btw, which is why it's been so long without an update or bug fixes.

Donate HERE.

Click here to unsubscribe. Great; it will take 4-10 days. It never unsubscribes.

Specifically make sure that the "subscribe to newsletter and offers" is NOT checked.

Get a marketing email from them within 24 hours anyway.

Don't forget

• "BONTO! is sneakily roping you into a binding private arbitration clause because they're planning to do some real shady shit that'll affect a critical mass of users!

(At the bottom of the email)

...You can still opt to use the public justice system that already exists if you disagree with this. You simply must send your disagreement in writing upon a clay tablet delivered by a specific courier to a remote P.O Box in Illinois within the next 32 business hours.

In the late 90s there was a women's magazine called Bust, and for some reason they'd also let you have a bust dot com email account if you wanted. You could email me at cleavage@bust.com, and those were creative fun days of the Internet.

ETA: it still exists as a quarterly internet magazine but it is NOTHING like it was, it was a great magazine.

You don' hate email; you hate capitalism.

I do miss BONTO! though. Not gonna lie.

I actually love email. It's great that we have a standard and open protocol for sending and receving virtual mail. Without email we would be now probably using some closed-source proprierary and not interoperable solution witch locks you in. I'm glad it didn't happen.

Join BONTO! plus today and experience our latest, AI enchanced premium features.

I have a mail account I only use for humans and each mail is a delightful surprise 😁

Slorp was so much better before they changed their name to Bonto. Only young people prefer Bonto, and they're idiots.

Bonto killed Slorp, Bonto is the only reason it shutdown.

UNSUBSCRIBE

They forgot the newsletters you get twice a day* (*thrice if you opted out of newsletters) and the deluge of spam when everyone at Bonto sold your email address while they were going out of business.

Remember when mail was useful? When you opened the letter box hoping to see a letter from a friend who moved to a different city?

Now mail is just like email. Or to put it differently, email became like it's physical predecessor.

Mail is made so much better when using an alias system like SImpleLogin from Proton. Just create a new mail for everything (except Atlassian the idiots) and when they start doing bullshit you can terminate the email.

Enabling OTP code 2FA will also reduce the verification emails

You missed the one about the data breach that they are still investigating, but subtly hint that your full contact details, credit card, social security number, health status, sexual orientation, bank account, and passwords were sold on the dark web.