Ask Lemmy

4 bowls of chili before the interview. And deviled eggs. No words necessary.

As the title suggests, blow a job interviewer in the first 30 seconds will blow a job interview in 30 seconds

Sit down, look at the picture of the (child aged) daughter of the person interviewing you, and ask if she's single.

I'm autistic, trans and chronically ill.

Do you have gluten free food in the cafeteria? I can't have more than 4 people around me at any given time. Where's the toilet for non gendered people?

Should just about do it I suppose.

How strict is your sexual harassment policy?

Oh I did this one once! I interviewed for a job as a construction worker, and my first question was "what's the pay" and second "how the fuck do you expect anyone to say yes to that".

They also had an apprentice working on a roof right next to us with absolutely no safety gear in sight.

"Thanks for your time, but this job isn't for me. I wish you good luck finding your candidate, though."

“I’ve always been on the lookout for great places to start a workers union.”

A few years ago I'd have said a Nazi salute.

But now I have to ask clarifying questions, like the location of the interview

As you can clearly see I'm white and male. When do I start?

Actually as someone who does sometimes do interviews: acting like an asshole with a big ego will wreck your chances big time.

Blow the interviewer

This reminded me of:

Instructions unclear, dyslexia made me blow the job interviewer.

"All professional decisions I make come down to a simple question: what would Marx do"

I had one guy I interviewed tell me, unprompted, that all the women in the company would definitely feel comfortable around him.

Ok???

It was a fast no thank you. So I guess I’d do that.

I had to read that title a few times. As it potentially could be its own answer: offer a blowjob

…I know, I’ll see myself out now..

Spit on my palm and go in for the handshake

"The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races" --Homer Simpson (OK the quote was about getting out of jury duty but I think it fits here)

“I have AuDHD.”

"I do not believe the AI hype"

Tell them they can't afford me

Fart into my cupped hand while making (and not breaking eye contact) and proceed to "throw" it in the interviewers general direction. (Extra points if you can do this with a straight face)

"Hi, I don't want this job, I'm just here because the job centre told me to apply if I want to continue receiving unemployment benefits."

"I like you guys. You're cool. All my other bosses were asshats."

• I only push to master
• I only deploy to prod on Fridays
• I am not available on the weekends

Pants go down to ankles

Underwear go down to ankles

And then the helicopter starts up

not show up

Repeat everything the interviewer says back to them in Yosemite Sam's voice, but punctuate every sentence with "bitch!"

Ask to borrow a pen. Throw it at the interviewer's head. Ask to borrow a pen...

How much for getting hired ?

"Yup, that's me on the OSHA poster."

Would giving a blow job blow the job interview? 🤔

leans in close to the interviewer

“That’s where that smell was coming from.”

Just tell the interviewer how great their feet look.

'My Myers-Briggs is NSFW'.

I don't know exactly, I'll just be myself.