Ask Lemmy

You need to attract by being a well rounded person that does not neeeed someone, but you also need to make it obvious to your crush that you are interested.

Spending too much time acting cool and hoping that they will fall for you will fail when the next person is just honest about their feelings with the crush.

Just be yourself. There must be something about her beyond being a girl that you find interesting. Don't flirt, just be friendly, and if there's a common bond it might go somewhere. Or not. But if you don't do something and she doesn't, then neither will know. This is coming from a heavy introvert who avoids people in general. It's hard to get past that first step, but once you do (and you don't force something to happen) it gets easier, and the relationship usually builds from the point where both are more relaxed and... being themselves.

Girls are people, and people want to have fun. Be someone fun to hang out with. Don't make chasing her your entire personality, because then you have no personality and she has no reason to speak with you.

Everything takes practice, even romance. It might not work this time, but you'll be better at it next time.

Makes sense.

Ask her to something casual just the two of you. Like "let's grab lunch" and see where that takes you.

They knew each other vaguely in high school. She moved away for college and came back to her home town to visit famlly some years later. He probably sings and taught himself to play the guitar.

Didn't know they branched out from doing cards

I have only ever seen the phrase "don't chase, attract" used by women to peer pressure each other out of actively participating in dating. Reminding each other to never express enthusiastic consent.

"Playing hard to get" is taking that line of thought to the logical extreme. "Want men to want you more? Always turn them down!"

It's the opposite side of the "women want assholes" coin, it's an incorrect premise taken to an extreme.

As long as you don't do anything truly bad when shooting your shot, the worst that could happen is some mild embarassment. Which is something you have to be prepared to endure when putting yourself out there.

if you're not getting signals from her it will only serve to embarrass you.

How the fuck are you not getting signals from someone and still hoping to "attract" them? If you're unable to make a connection enough to where you're seen by a specific person as attractive, then you haven't done enough to be noticed by that person. You still have to put in the work to be noticed. And many people would describe that simple act as "shooting your shot."

In the mating game it's up to the guys to advertise interest and the gals to make a choice.

Women are pros at dealing with endless expressions of interest, they rarely know how to show/express it. Just be respectful and let go of expectations going in.

Don't let the endless whining seen on social media deter you, it's mostly lies.

If men bore the babies and women had to do the mating advertising, the human race would be extinct.

That it depends, so both can be the answer.