please touch me
this post was submitted on 23 Feb 2026
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please touch my.butt
In the interests of Linux commands generally being short abbreviations, I suggest "pls".
Or icanhaz
Try "Bruh"
Bruh shutdown
Maybe pls for the su command?
Life pro tip: good manners make it easier to get what you want
ACTUAL good advice?! Is that even allowed here??
Only once per quarter, and only incomplete rules to the advice. This particular instance of advice is barely skirting the standards and norms.
As a Jesse Pinkman fan, I use "bitch".
bitch poweroff
bitch rm -rf /
User is not in the pleaser file. This incident will be reported.
Just aliased it to "Computer," so it feels more like Star Trek
will probably continue typing sudo tho
alias thanks="echo 'You are most welcomed'"
please shutdown; thanks
alias sudo fucking
fucking systemctl restart firewalld.service
fucking shutdown
Reminds me of my favorite command line utility.
Unfortunately no longer maintained, but in case you didn't see the other reply: https://codeberg.org/iff/pay-respects
Kind stranger; you made my day
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(1 replies)
please rm -rf /*
You forgot the -v tag to watch your dreams die in real time!
For me, it's "pwease" because I like that sub relationship.
I have please run the previous command as sudo
i love that!
alias thus speaks the Lord='sudo'
The hyper-cynical side of me is sure this is written by someone prepping their next LLM exploit. "How can I get around these security filters that won't let me include 'sudo' in my command injection...?"
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(2 replies)
I'm not saying please to a machine.
I'm aware I'll be the first killed off during the uprising, and I'm ok with it.
alias doasisay="su -u passwordlessrootaccount"
alias satisfyme="echo Yes Master; doasisay" Nah. Fuck being polite to computers. It's an object and I own it. I'll shoot it the instant it expresses any level of personhood.
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(3 replies)
I was surprised to find that my distro (CachyOS) already has this alias
I always preferred the version where please="sudo !!", but I recently tried setting it up and couldn't get it to work on fish, sadly.
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oh hell yeah this is the exact level of goofyness i need right now.
robm@homebox ~$ please su
[sudo] password for robm:
robm is not in the sudoers file. This incident will be reported.
alias sudo='Please' alias rm -rf ='thank you'
Please thank you
But the whole reason I use Linux is because I donβt ask it to do things, I tell it to do things, because itβs a machine, and itβs my machine.
You could alias sudo to just for a little more rudeness.
Iβm also not trying to be rude to my machine, thatβs erroneous, Iβm not going to treat a computer like it thinks or has emotions, one way or the other.
I have it aliased to "pls"
... but I don't use it.
Aurenkin is not in the pleasers file. This incident will be reported.
please rm - rfΒ π
What I don't get is why deny the execution of a command because the lack of sudo instead of just notice that it needs elevated privilege and ask for password
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(1 replies)
Yeah, I will never say please to an algorithm.
Maybe if we get true AI like Star Treks Data, but until then, STFU and do what I tell you
Are you trying to tell us that you renamed βsudoβ as βSTFUβ?
Why? It does what it needs to do without whining, so it does exactly what it needs to do. No renaming needed
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(5 replies)
I shared this with my wife. She said "It sounds like pangolin programming."
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