this post was submitted on 25 Feb 2026
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Not The Onion

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[–] scutiger@lemmy.world 4 points 1 day ago (1 children)

So we all agree that some guy got caught blowing a salmon and made this up as an excuse, right?

[–] Regrettable_incident@lemmy.world 1 points 17 hours ago

I wonder how one goes about blowing a fish. . .

[–] flamingo_pinyata@sopuli.xyz 45 points 1 day ago (5 children)

Is only salmon acceptable? I have a cheaper source from another animal, also cladistically a fish.

Asking for a friend ...

[–] apfelwoiSchoppen@lemmy.world 21 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I need to make a"cladistically a fish" shirt.

[–] runner_g@piefed.blahaj.zone 8 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Hank Green would like to know your location

[–] apfelwoiSchoppen@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Biologists have been saying it far longer than him!

[–] mangaskahn@lemmy.world 12 points 1 day ago

And here we're afforded a rare treat, to observe the elusive trouser trout in its native habitat.

[–] noxypaws@pawb.social 3 points 1 day ago
[–] SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca 3 points 1 day ago

The active ingredient is DNA, which they could get from any plant far easier without smelling like Gwyneth Paltrow's vagine.

[–] JeeBaiChow@lemmy.world 1 points 1 day ago

If your friend waits a few hours, it should smell kinda like salmon....

Pretty much everyone was booting off at the image of the cows getting artificially inseminated the other day.

Saying it's rape and animal torture and that.

Yet wiping salmon spaff all over your face in the name of vanity is apparently totally fine

[–] southsamurai@sh.itjust.works 9 points 1 day ago

Hi, my name is salmon, and I'll be doing your skin care today

[–] runner_g@piefed.blahaj.zone 13 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Fun fact: DNA sticks to plastic really easily, so it is common practice to put "carrier DNA" in biotech products that are only DNA. This carrier DNA is at a much higher concentration than your DNA of interest and fills up the plastic so the DNA we care about doesn't. Salmon sperm extract is a common carrier DNA.

[–] SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca 6 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

Fun fact: DNA sticks to plastic really easily,

Fun fact: no it does not. It sticks to glass well, but it only slightly adheres to polypropylene after spinning over 10,000g of force. That's why you add salt to DNA precipitation. Know every reagent in your protocol and why it is there.

[–] Marshezezz@lemmy.blahaj.zone 15 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I’ll just accept my inevitable mortality and pass on that one

[–] kambusha@sh.itjust.works 8 points 1 day ago

Just regular sperm then?

[–] AlmightyDoorman@kbin.earth 11 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Funfact: sperm contains protamin, the antidote for heparin which is used for anti coagulatory properties in medicine. During cardio vascular surgery you get a shit ton of heparin so they can perform the open heart surgery (so the heart lung machine doesn't get clogged). After the surgery you get protamin so you do not bleed to death. This protamin is often sourced from salmon sperm. If you have strong fish allergies you could theoretically react on it but it's not very likely.

[–] hector@lemmy.today 5 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Fun fact the best invisible ink has traditionally been semen. British intelligence switched to other stuff after their tabloids started making fun of them for it at one point, 20th century sometime idk. Lemon juice sort of works too, put a letter on a radiator and the invisible ink becomes visible.

[–] brokenwing@discuss.tchncs.de 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I would like to know how they found it out in the first place

[–] fartographer@lemmy.world 1 points 1 day ago

Teens trying to burn their overused socks, which briefly revealed phantom hieroglyphics

Genetically signed correspondence, neat!

[–] Didntdoit71@feddit.online 8 points 1 day ago

Sounds fishy... smells...eww.

[–] OrteilGenou@lemmy.world 9 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Salmon here, you guys are gross

[–] 69420@lemmy.world 1 points 1 day ago (1 children)

You have to admit it's probably the best part of being a salmon.

[–] scytale@piefed.zip 2 points 1 day ago

Depends on how it’s extracted.

[–] hector@lemmy.today 7 points 1 day ago

A trick they learned from old Sea Men no doubt. These johnny cum latelies are pretending like they just invented this.

[–] devolution@lemmy.world 7 points 1 day ago

This has Gwenyth Paltrow written all over it.

[–] blackn1ght@feddit.uk 3 points 1 day ago

Salmon wanker!

[–] NeedyPlatter@lemmy.ca 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I follow a lot of skincare communities online and whenever I see a product with PDRN, I cringe. Who even thought of making skincare products with it? What company approved the idea? How on Earth did any marketing team convince anyone to buy it is beyond me.

[–] village604@adultswim.fan 1 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I mean, bat shit is a common ingredient in make-up and whale barf is used in high end perfumes. The cosmetic industry uses a lot of gross products.

[–] wolframhydroxide@sh.itjust.works 1 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

To be fair, they didn't know that ambergris was an excretion of the whale until long after they started using it for these purposes. It was just "that waxy thing we find floating in the ocean." Also, it's apparently not vomited, but defecated.

[–] witty_username@feddit.nl 1 points 1 day ago

Injected even

[–] DarrinBrunner@lemmy.world 1 points 1 day ago (1 children)

This is "not the onion", so it's true. Ordering now!

[–] SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca 1 points 1 day ago

you can make DNA from an onion.

[–] GreenBeanMachine@lemmy.world 1 points 1 day ago

Is that why she always asks to cum on face then?