I grew up in a very religious, rural part of the country (US) and in a time when sexism and racism were the norm. I'm now an atheist and now recognize how damaging all of that is to the individuals it harms and to society as a whole.
this post was submitted on 05 Mar 2026
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Lots of people who are atheistic and urban are just as sexist and racist. They just don't talk about it quite the same way.
I live in the northeast. Racism here isn't slurs or loud talking about how bad people are. Racism here is calling the cops because there is a single black guy minding his business smoking in the park and it makes you scared. It's passive aggressive bullshit.
I'd agree that racism and sexism are separate from religion and I didn't intend to suggest that religion is the source of racism or sexism. It runs much deeper than that with sexism and racism being expressed in different ways by both religious and non-religious alike. That said, where and when I grew up they were all intertwined with and reinforced by religion. So when I threw off the yoke of religion it was easier, for me at least, to recognize the many small and large injustices being committed by me those around me because that was our "culture".
In 2020 I thought there was going to be a revolutionary change. It ended up getting worse. It feels like the the later 90- early 00s.
Progress requires maintenance.
Believing my nation was the best in the world. The grade school programming with the national anthem and all that shit was real in the US. Nah, fuck patriotism, this place is a collapsing fascist clusterfuck.
Car culture. The idea that driving is enjoyable and physical exertion is the curse of the devil, that parking should always be free, that most people have to drive because everything is far away and there's no way it could ever be different, and that it would all work out if we just had one more lane.
Only recently crossed that bridge. Now I dread driving, having to deal with rush hour traffic, finding parking spots, and all the associated stress.
Public transportation also has issues, but you can use the time to listen to some music, podcasts, audiobooks, online courses, books...
I think physical movement is obviously very good, but I do enjoy wrenching and grassroots Motorsports. I meet a lot of friends doing it and it gets me out of the house. There's really nothing mechanical left in today's world since everything else is microscopic electronics.
But I'm like .00001% of the car population, and I only drive small cars over 15 years old lol. I think everyone deserves public transport if they want it.
I don't shave my armpits anymore. After a year or so, I even started liking my armpit hairs.
Who would have thought being an honest natural human being would be good!?
At some point I realized that when I look at the life of an average person, it's not something I want for myself. So I probably shouldn't model my life after theirs and then expect different results.
Define average?
300k mortage, car payment, two kids, a dog, job that they hate, week long vacation abroad once a year etc.
in America you'd have to be in the top 20% of the income bracket to afford that lifestyle, and in high cost areas, the top 10%.
I'm old enough that I couldn't even enumerate all the things. Let's just say racism, homophobia, transphobia, nationalism, toxic masculinity, feminism, capitalism...
Oh and the idea that Republicans are more fiscally responsible and have a more pragmatic approach to foreign policy.
I honestly can't think of any part of my upbringing that has held up to scrutiny. I wouldn't say I've fully overcome all of it but I recognize it was all garbage.
I guess I could say religion. I went through the motions when I was much younger, but it never took even then. I've always thought religion is bullshit.
Hating people by default for being different than me.
Zionism.
My family was never big into it, but when you grew up Jewish it wasjust an assumed default. I wasn't even aware there were people opposed to it until around college.
Thankfully, the youth of today don't have that problem.
People still have that problem...
I've been thinking about that lately... At least in America and in general, your specific post aside, people assume things changed for the better and bad things stopped. But It seems they are just distracted by entertainment and their own microcosms. There's a real world out there that chaos owns and will own forever.
I feel like that's how we got to where we are today in america... People thought the hard part was over and it was time to relax because the "bad" was fixed. And that gave time for the Christian nationalist, oligarchical, fake theocratic dictatorship to throw a coup on humanity.
It's pretty obvious the plan is to replace natural honest life with Ai and surveillance until the idea of God as we know it can't even exist. Like human existence won't be something free or genuine... Like it will solidify the idea that we are basically just actually products and tools in a machine built by the idea of people that don't live for honest humanity.
I find that when these thoughts creep in, what saves me from doomerism is focusing on the alternatives.
It can feel weird and irrational, because the alternative is organizing in my local community to help people, and connect more people with the work of doing the same. How is helping parents at my kid's school get childcare during a teachers strike supposed to end our imperialist violence? How is cleaning up illegal dumping supposed to defeat techbro fascism?
By snowballing. By being the antitdote to the distraction and helplessness we're programmed to feel.
We all need to go find people we like, then go out and fix things, without permission. Get caught doing good. Set an example, and link up. If we're all building these tidepools, eventually we'll make a flood.
I managed to stop calling all women "ma'am", even though I still think that's more polite but whatever
It's way more polite, and actually quite sweet.
What's cultural programming? 👀
Is that like societal norms?
Yeah, default assumptions of your culture/upbringing.
Like how Americans think everyone should be smiling all the time by default. Vs say, Germans who think smiling all the time is weird and they typically only smile at people they know. Those are very two different cultural programming things that often result in cultural misunderstanding and stereotyping.
You know blind patriotism and acceptance that our way is the best way.
USA! USA! USA! We're #1!
That sort of shlock.
The most obvious one that comes to mind is "never questioning Capitalism"
But surely the market would never favor the most antisocial actors???? How could it ever prefer short term gains over long term stability?
Same but religion.
I started questioning it at maybe 10 or so and was confused why people 6 times my age believed in obvious bullshit used to control women and poor people.
Bigotry in general
I hear that bigotry is bad. Good job
Sex equals bad.
Grew up believing I'm a horrible sex/porn addict, tried a lot of things to go "cold turkey" on it. This all while being "hornier" than the average person, although not to a "chronic hypersexual" degree (do have a 4 hour "marathon" a few times a year, especially during summer for some reason).
Nowadays I don't have the dreaded "post nut clarity". Even managed to accept my bisexuality over time.
That I'm allowed to have whatever opinion I want. Others disliking or disagreeing basically doesn't matter in the slightest.
You overcame that?
I genuinely do not care. Took awhile, lots of therapy, lots of self reflection, years of just being alive and lots of confidence building.
Oh ok. The way you phrased it, it sounded like you learned to love rigid conformity.
Nah dude I understand now my thoughts and opinions dont have to live in boxes other people decide on.
I grew up in a rural environment in the 90s and early 2000s where it was perfectly normal to use "gay" with a negative connotation. The kind of environment where homosexuality was weird and every guy 13+ had to constantly prove he wasn't gay or get angry getting called so.
I was fortunate enough to move away from there and meet new people and ideas.
I remember one turning point specifically. I was chatting with some people and used "gay" to describe some product I didn't like, without thinking about it all, no ill intent. Later one of the guys took me aside and asked me if I realised I said that while a gay friend was standing right by. It couldn't give a good answer in that moment but it gave me something to think about and I apologized later. He took it like a champ and I'm much more conscious about language since.
We probably lived in similar areas! Exact same scenario here.
Google C++ coding styleguide
Damn near all of it. I don't fit in anywhere.
The one that had the biggest effect on me was getting past the gay=bad nonsense that I was raised with. Which allowed me to come out to my wife as bisexual a while back.
I was raised in a religious cult and now I'm some flavor of atheist. I was raised in a vapid culture fully of celebrity worship, anti-intellectualism, consumerism, and greed and I like to think I don't contribute much to that stuff.
Trend following. Listening to subtle suggestions. For better or for worse, and there are definite tangible consequences for not doing so. But at least when I do something right I get to feel like it came from within me and wasn't something I was just doing for approval from someone who couldn't be bothered to communicate their expectations out loud.