Streetwear

Honestly, the visible branding. I don’t wear visible branding or any sort of language or text on my clothes. No logos, no words, no designs. Just outlandish cuts and interesting style ideas, all without paying to sell someone else’s product.

Self respect.

I'm a middle aged white dude with some serious dad bod. That's what

I don’t wanna

Taste?

Budget and skill. In reality a bona fide attempt from me would probably end up more like this:

color vision. I don't want to look like a paint sample collection.

I don’t have the ridiculously oversized sword to complete the ensemble.

The fact that I don't want to

Every Google app

I'm not a 1996 Volkswagen Golf

Me being a man. So clothes shops go "you will wear grey, maybe black, some blue and fugly green. Go on, chop-chop"

I'm a 50 year old man with functioning retinas...

Money

My ability to see.

Not into big jackets. I got hot really easy and get exasperated with my own clothes.

All of it.

Free will.

I work from home, so I'd just be sitting in this colorful weird outfit and showing it to my dog and cats.

The Ringling Brothers, most likely.

That outfit somehow looks both expensive as hell and cheap as hell.

Good taste?

Looks like a Ross store exploded in 1988.

And the only thing keeping me from dressing like that is that I do not own any of those articles of clothing.

I'm fat and unattractive

It hits different on a giant bearded man.

Lawsuit from google trademark office.

I live in a place with short and mild winters, so I can only realistically wear that many layers in two separate weeks where it gets freezing. I do wear similar colorful stuff but only as a second layer (jacket, hoodie, or sweater).

Money

I don't want to dress like a Kindergartner.

I love myself too much to look like a clown.

Well, lets jusr say, my peanits

That coat is probably like $600

I think it looks cool, but I don't wear logos.

I can't afford to own that many clothes. That fanny pack alone could buy me a thousand pairs of socks at the dollar tree. Probably a few dollar trees. I would be surprised if one store alone had enough socks stocked. I could change my socks 3 times a day for a year or once a day for 3 years and never have to wash any socks.

Money