Ask Lemmy

When skydiving, is a backup parachute over the top?

The fact that he didn't do it by himself tells you he did not wear it with any previous partners who didn't make him. So yes, that puts his likelihood of STD rather high.

You were 100% right to make him wear one.

you get to choose what goes into your body, nobody else.

Anyone who says "we don't need to use a condom" is someone who you should 100% use a condom with

Your limits, your rules, safety first politeness second!

Sounds like you fucked a little baby boy

"Do you think I’m some STD-ridden guy"

Jesus what an ignorant thing to say. Having an STD doesn't make you a bad person or anything, it's not a reflection on him if he did have an STD, it's just a medical situation that requires certain precautions. So if your hooking up, then you inherently younever know so you HAVE to be safe.

Glad it wasn't a big problem and you had fun, but what an ass.

I probably would have left, a comment like that would have killed the mood. He does know he could have an STD and not even know he has one (or two)... right? He is the type that is just living on a wing and a prayer. No thanks!

Not at all. IUDs are 99% effective (at preventing pregnancy), but if you don't wanna risk that 1% chance, that's your decision.

Condoms also protect against STIs.

If you want them to put a condom on before they have sex with you they shouldn't be arguing. They should either respect your boundaries, or go find someone else with boundaries that are more compatible with their desires.

What confuses me is why does he know about it but you said hookup so maybe you have known him awhile. My wife and I had doctors appointment were we both got std tests to show we were good on that front but we still used condoms because of the whole pregnancy thing but she did not have an iud. It would worry me if I was you that he wanted to do it without knowing if you had stds.

no

Condom's always on. What I have been told in sex-ed back in the days: you need to be in an exclusive relationship with your partner for over a month, then both take a blood test for STI. Only if you come both clean, show each other your test results, only then you're good to go without condoms.

If a guy ever tells you he doesn't like condoms, it feels bad or whatever BS excuse like that, you tell him to:

1. Read the fucking manual on the box to learn how to put it on correctly
2. Get the right size for his dick

Condoms don't feel bad if you wear the correct size and put it on correctly.

You can have STIs without knowing it. STIs can kill you. No, you are not overreacting

"Do I look like some STD-ridden guy?"

"Well, STD-ridden guys tend to refuse condoms. That's how they got their STDs. So you tell me."

A dumb question. STDs are still rife.

Others have said it well but I want to just say that you shouldn't think of this in terms of "being a pushover". You were setting boundaries and if those boundaries aren't being respected, then you shouldn't be sexually active with that person.

I a guy, and I've had a number of hookups, I wouldn't ever even question someone asking me to wear a condom (though, to be fair, I'd choose to wear one also). You don't know the other person. Unless you just really get the sense you can trust them, it could all be a lie. Your boundaries aren't a debate. Honestly, if I were you, I would have kicked them out. If they're questioning that boundary I wouldn't want to find out where it ends.

Yeah always wear protection if you don't know the person. If someone is not willing to that's a serious red flag. Your body, your choice

"Do you think I'm some STD-ridden guy?!"
Now i do.

"Do you think I'm some STD-ridden guy?"

Based on your willingness to rawdog strangers, yes.

Do you think I’m some STD-ridden guy?

Who do you think would say such a thing?

1. a partner that loves and respects you.
2. an STD-riddled guy.

imma say Number 2 for 1000.

also side note.

Yeah, he put it on.. but did he leave it on? was it one he tampered with? His reaction makes him 100% not trustworthy.

Personally, as a guy, I think him just questioning it is enough for you to have rejected him.

The only appropriate response to being told to use a condom is, "Of course I'm going to use a condom."

No, it's absolutely not over the top. It's your choice. And if you want to fuck only with a condom, there either is used a condom, or no fucking.

STD's are no joke, wrap it before you tap it.

Speaking as a cishet man, the only time any two people can have unprotected sex is when both parties know the STD status of each other. He has to understand that IUDs are for pregnancy prevention, not STD prevention. If you wish to continue with this guy and at some point you want to start having unprotected sex with him, go get STD tested together. In the meantime, he has to wear the condom. If that bothers him, dump him. Don't put your body and your life at risk.

If a guy makes a fuss over putting on a condom at all, then I'd consider him as out for future dates.

No contraceptive option is 100% and being concerned about STIs with hook ups is a VERY valid reason. He may have something and not exhibiting signs yet to be recognized.

No, absolutely not. Any guy who pushes back against condom use is not worth sleeping with. I've been with my BF for years at this point and we still (usually) use condoms because it gives me more peace of mind.

I teach Sex Ed. - most STIs are asymptomatic most of the time, especially for those assigned male at birth. HPV for example can lead to cervical cancer and dude would never know he had it. So, do with that what you will but by his response alone I'd assume he isn't wearing them as often as he can get away with it and you can hope all his sexual partners get tested regularly or you can be safe and protect your safety over his comfort.

Stop fucking assholes, pick someone better

was I being a pushover?

Only if you let randos decide for you.

That said, I personally would never see someone like that again.

There were ways he could have voiced his confusion without being pushy, like "ah, want to be doubly-protected, eh?" and then proceed to put it on.

IMO it's good practice to, at the very least, START any physical relation with barriers. If you want to move away from them over time, that's something all parties need to give enthusiastic consent for.

The way he worded his question suggests that actually he might have some STDs. Because he didn't say, hey, I got tested two months ago and haven't slept with anyone around then or since. In other words, he could have comforted you on the STD front, but he chose not to, because he was accidentally being honest.

Also, because the two of you don't know each other that well, it's better for everyone if both parties are extra safe. Because you just don't have that long track record.

No, it's your body, if you're not comfortable then you get to draw the line. The fact he argued with you about it is a red flag IMO.

If you want him to wear a condom, he wears a condom. If he wants to wear a condom, he wears a condom. Its that easy.

But specifically for hookups/people you font know that well its proper etiquette to always wear a condom unless discussed otherwise (if you're both fine with it, and have discussed your health/have recently been tested)

This would make sense if you were in a relationship for years... a hookup? nah man get the goddamn condom on

Well "being a pushover" is the opposite, if you'd relented and let him hit raw then you'd be a pushover. I think you meant "being pushy," isn't English fun lmao.

But also no dude it's not just for babby but also STD, he shouldn't trust you either. On the "no std" nor the "has any form of birth control" tbh, women lie about that (and the no std part) all the time, multiple have lied to me about it and I'm just one dude. Protect yourselves out there.

hold up. let's ignore the fact that you have an IUD, and that you were both clean.

any sexual partner that throws shade about wearing a condom should be put on an automatic "no-fuck" list. the only exception to this is if you have been regularly raw-dogging without complaint.

point is, your partner was trying to compel you to remove safe sex protections that you were comfortable with. this isn't the first time they have done this with a partner and implies they have unprotected sex regularly.

you got lucky, this time. if safe sex is important to you, you need to set those ground rules and not allow your partners to dissuade you, because one day you will regret it.

the next time this happens and they try to guilt you into fucking them raw just tell them, "I guess it's alright, I don't have any condoms small enough to fit you." I can guarantee the mood will be dead and you won't have to tell them to wear a condom again.

It's funny that we went from "AIDS is killing people all over the place" in the 80s to "I had sex with a stranger that does not respect me and it's fine, am I the asshole."

When did people stop respecting themselves? And how could they not learn about this AIDS thing?

Not if you like avoiding STDs.

I can't comprehend guys like this. It's just basic respect. Also from his perspective, he doesn't know you either, how does he know you're clean and you're honest about having an IUD? It's in his interest to wear a condom.

On STDs: some are so sneaky one can get them without even having sex in the first place, and sometimes don't hurt the person that has it at least in a spectacular way.

perfectly normal to demand it from him, he should have simply stfu

Condoms are only 85% effective for pregnancy, 70% for STIs.

Red flag, this guy is an asshole.

The fuck girl!?! If any guy had ever said that to me I wouldn't have slept with them at all. Condoms are just as effective at preventing STI's as they are pregnancy.

The only time I ever had sex without a condom was with a long term partner who agreed to be exclusive, AFTER we both got tested and shared our results. Had several long term partners before getting married. Probably slept with a couple dozen dudes over the years. Never caught any STI.