Being John Malkoditch
this post was submitted on 20 Mar 2026
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Wow, no exaggerated clickbait here.
I think "teleporting to Waffle House" is a new favorite euphemism for getting totally shitfaced
I've teleported to many a Waffle House after a long night.
This comment ironically makes me wish I could give you gold.
Its shockingly accurate.
Previously, he oddly claimed that he involuntarily teleported to a Waffle House in Georgia that was 50 miles away.
Umn.. Aren't blackouts like that typically a sign of alcoholism or other substance abuse?
Sure that or quantum mastery, your view skews pessimistic.
Carbon monoxide leaks
@atzanteol Yeah, I don't think it's all that uncommon for bearded old guys in the South to find themselves at WH unexpectedly.
The destination Waffle House was apparently in Rome, GA. I wonder where the origin "50 miles away" was?
Not because I believe he actually teleported, mind you, but because he was obviously driving while blackout drunk and I want him to stay the Hell away from me.
Lmao, blacked out and went to a waffle house then woke up in a ditch. Huh, must have teleported here by accident.
I guess being a walking disaster is now considered "experience" for disaster management.
"Here comes the disaster... chief."
I'm no longer phased by any new confirmations that we're in the "circus" alternate reality of the one we thought we inhabited.
The people at FEMA praise him cause at least it seems like he actually wants to help after disasters unlike anyone else in government right now... That is where we are at somehow. We are just happy the illegitimate leader nutsos aren't against all help.
You mean we all died and ended up in the Amazing Digital Circus?
Amazing Digital Circus is just retelling I have No Mouth, and I must Scream, so that would mean we all died but 5-6 of us and this is just torture for them.
Please not that.
@schwim *fazed (from Kent dial feeze, 'frighten', < OE fesian / fysian, 'drive away')
'Phase' (v) means to do something gradually or in stages.
However, after a weeks in the role, several FEMA officials said they came around to Phillips after seeing his initiative during the January storm response.
“Gregg Phillips is FEMA’s best hope at this moment. I can’t believe I’m saying that,” one high-ranking FEMA official told CNN at the time.
Same, unnamed FEMA official, same.
@wjrii I would word it more as, "He's obviously terrible and clearly insane, but probably the best we can hope for from this regime for now."
Just not actively trying to destroy the department puts him in the upper echelon of competence for this administration.
Man, Rick Grimes fell off
Rick Grimes would make a damn fine head of FEMA. Bro got shit done.
I thought he was wearing some crazy shoulder pads for a minute.
Disaster Chief is like Captain Obvious