this post was submitted on 14 Apr 2026
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Not The Onion

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[–] Malyca@lemmy.zip 6 points 40 minutes ago (2 children)

I keep thinking about that guy that had to shutter his political career because of one awkward yell at a campaign rally. Or Al Franken. How did we get from there to here?

[–] Aeao@lemmy.world 2 points 22 minutes ago

AND WERE GOONG TO WHITE HOUSE ! HEYAAH

Fucking classic

Honestly I’d give my left testicle to even have John McCain back in office. I didn’t like that guy but atleast when he talked about Obama he said something like “no he’s not a Muslim and he’s not going to ruin the country. He’s a fine man we just disagree “

Or something like that.

I’d trade trump for McCain right now if it was an option.

So I agree WTF happened to politics! They aren’t even trying to be shady anymore.

We know the government doesn’t have aliens now atleast because trump would have announced it, say he found them, and name the species after himself.

[–] skisnow@lemmy.ca 1 points 8 minutes ago

Imagine being 18 years old and this kind of insanity is all you’ve ever known.

[–] ChunkMcHorkle@lemmy.world 2 points 36 minutes ago

It has been said that in times of trouble, the arts flourish. I don't know how true that is, but of all the tributes I've seen to the batshit crazy that is RFK Jr, I think our own @Formfiller@lemmy.world has captured RFK Jr's true self best in the most fitting artistic memorialization I've seen yet:

Source

[–] Eh_I@lemmy.world 1 points 39 minutes ago

I didn't know he was still invited on family vacations.

[–] merdaverse@lemmy.zip 39 points 4 hours ago (1 children)

“I was standing in front of my parked car on I-684 cutting the penis out of a road killed raccoon, thinking about how weird some of my family members have turned out to be,” he wrote, reportedly reflecting on strained relationships with his brother Douglas Kennedy and cousin Bobby Shriver. “My kids waited patiently in the car.”

This wins the Not the Onion gold medal

[–] InternetCitizen2@lemmy.world 3 points 3 hours ago

Oddly introspective

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 5 points 2 hours ago (1 children)
[–] P00ptart@lemmy.world 2 points 1 hour ago

Um, if the sin is amputating deceased animal dicks, well then... Whips rock at RFK

[–] robocall@lemmy.world 2 points 1 hour ago (1 children)

RFK thinks cutting a raccoon penis makes him like Leonardo da Vinci but it actually makes him more like Buffalo Bill.

[–] modus@lemmy.world 1 points 1 minute ago

Please don't disparage Bill's good name like that.

[–] davidagain@lemmy.world 8 points 3 hours ago (1 children)

TOTALLY NORMAL.

WE'VE ALL HAD HOLIDAYS LIKE THAT.

TOTALLY REGULAR URGE TO KEEP THE PENISES OF ROADKILL FOR CLOSER STUDY LATER.

[–] Eh_I@lemmy.world 1 points 35 minutes ago

We won't know if it was killed on the road until we examine its penis.

[–] altphoto@lemmy.today 1 points 1 hour ago

You know, for later.

[–] EndlessNightmare@reddthat.com 25 points 4 hours ago (1 children)

Any penis can be detachable if you put in the work. Detachable Peeenis

/seriously though, wtf

[–] austinfloyd@ttrpg.network 7 points 2 hours ago

I was not expecting a King Missile reference in 2026. Thank you.

[–] billwashere@lemmy.world 26 points 4 hours ago

What kinda Jeffrey Dahmer bullshit is this?

[–] andros_rex@lemmy.world 5 points 3 hours ago (1 children)

Uh - tbh, having a cleaned raccoon baculum would be pretty fire.

I don’t think this is that odd, barring the fact that it’s RFK Jr. I taught high school science, and I was routinely brought animal corpses by everyone from students to other teachers. I didn’t even teach biology.

[–] mako@lemmy.today 1 points 3 hours ago* (last edited 2 hours ago) (2 children)

A conversation that will never happen:

"I saw a dead raccoon while driving with my family so I obviously immediately stopped and cut its dick off. Here's the bone that was inside."

"That's pretty fire!"

[–] andros_rex@lemmy.world 6 points 2 hours ago (1 children)

You’ve clearly never worked in a university biology lab.

Out doing fieldwork Graduate student: “Hey [my name], smell my finger!”

Turns out, certain species of ant smells like blue cheese if you crush it.

My favorite was a post grad that let a tick feed off her for a week to prove it could prey on humans.

RFK Jr is the kind of unhinged mind that did deserve better. That doesn’t make the perhaps thousands to millions of deaths that we will be able to trace back to him both directly and indirectly less reprehensible, but I really have had very similar conversations to the one you just tried to “reductio ad absurdio” describe.

[–] mako@lemmy.today 1 points 2 hours ago

I guess the absurdity that really jumped out at me was laser focusing on the act of raccoon penectomy to make him seem like a pretty relatable dude in the face of those thousands or millions of preventable deaths on his head. Maybe I'm just too rigid, but I also won't be celebrating the incredible skill and luck of Trump hitting a hole in one due to, you know, all the intentional suffering and death.

I would absolutely say that.

[–] tristynalxander@mander.xyz 2 points 2 hours ago* (last edited 2 hours ago)

To be fair, maybe the Yeerks weren't familiar with Earthen biology.

[–] orbitz@lemmy.ca 4 points 3 hours ago

Don't worry United States you elected someone almost as intelligent as he is for president.

Course don't get me wrong, take a known biologist (apologize I don't know any specific ones) I'm sure many took specimens to be studied for later. Unfortunately this person has shown he's a complete idiot.

Does it really matter in this administration when they just tear everything down? Shit the mic is live.... seriously US get your house in order you got someone who's claimed to have brain worms helping diamantle your health department. Like only worse thing would be whatever the president is doing at 3am....shit posting to his owned social media.

It's amusing how quickly you can fall from world superiority to dumpster from a lack of critical thinking. No way can they afford shit soon with the recent spending. Either educate people to be a decent army or afford the weapons but not both with their budget. They don't have China's numbers and less educated than any European army. Soon they won't have money cause people aren't producing enough taxes. Congrats US.

[–] Hiro8811@lemmy.world 13 points 5 hours ago

Yes "to study later", in his room, alone, blind closed, red wine and lines of coke

[–] Simulation6@sopuli.xyz 3 points 3 hours ago

That man ain’t right, I tell you what.

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 7 points 4 hours ago (1 children)

Study with his mouth, more likely.

[–] FE80@lemmy.world 4 points 4 hours ago

This guy is so fuckin weird.

[–] BigDanishGuy@sh.itjust.works 5 points 4 hours ago

Guys, guys! It's OK, it was a dead raccoon. He didn't give a live raccoon the ol peckerectomy. /s

[–] mechoman444@lemmy.world 2 points 3 hours ago

There needs to be a mandatory psychological assessment of all public official's.

[–] zuckey78@sh.itjust.works 3 points 4 hours ago

I mean. HHS Secretary was clearly in his future…. /s

[–] Mulligrubs@lemmy.world 3 points 4 hours ago

I can't even

hurk

welp, may as well elect him as President at this point.

[–] NoxAstrum@lemmy.ca 19 points 7 hours ago

Well, what else was he going to do with it, leave it alone?

[–] anon_8675309@lemmy.world 6 points 5 hours ago
[–] FreddiesLantern@leminal.space 40 points 8 hours ago (3 children)

“… so anyway you guys wanna see my roadkill penis collection?

As far as a hobby goes it’s got some stiff competition! Hah!

But anyways do you?”

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