Almost two years have passed since my initial "Hold on, could I have ADHD too?" moment (for reference: I'm 27). Turns out I do not only have severe ADHD, but Asperger's too. I've had a suspicion before that I might be autistic but it's kinda funny how the doctor dropped this on me before I even had a chance to ask.
Anyway, I've finally gotten meds (Kinecteen) that I've been on for the past four weeks. My hopes were high and the first couple of days even seemed immensely promising. On the first day alone I was able to get done what I usually needed two whole weeks for. Suddenly I could switch between tasks without getting upset, I could hold conversations without my mind drifting away mid-sentence, go on a trip without all the usual sensory overload, heck, even my social anxiety felt a little less severe than usual.
Somehow though, most of this enthusiasm eventually vanished. Work still sucks ass (9-to-5 corpo job in an open-plan office, ugh), I already resigned but have to survive another three months. Leaving the apartment is still a hurdle, my anxiety is bad enough but my pollen allergy certainly doesn't help the situation. Then there's this huge pile of things that I want/should/need to do that has accumulated over months and years of paralysis. A little gullibly I thought this pile would magically vanish once I get on medication. Well, it somehow doesn't.
What I find most depressing of all though is that I just don't know what to do with my free time. Out of habit I often turn to cannabis (vaporizing, not smoking) and put myself in front of my PC, but ultimately only to work off more tasks. Back then I used to play a whole lot of video games but I just can't get in the mood anymore. Tried some, but nothing stuck. I feel the urge to go outside, but there are just too many stimuli for it to feel actually calming. I'd like to get myself a motorcycle again but I never managed to build up savings.
To improve my general mood I'm really trying to devote some downtime to do relaxing activities but I just can't think of any. Everything seems to me like just another tedious task that I have to get done. I'm very thankful for my loving girlfriend and our cat who both give me some solace, but of course I am still worried about how my condition will affect the relationship in the years to come.
What are your experiences with medication? Does it just take time to find oneself anew?
Hab ein Fahrrad und denke mir auch ab und zu, dass das eigentlich gerade ganz toll sein könnte. Aber es ist für mich meist sooo eine Hürde alleine zu fahren. Dazu kommt aktuell halt noch die Allergie, mit der ich auf einen Verschleiß von einem Taschentuch pro Kilometer Fahrtweg komme. Wenn ich mich doch mal dazu bewegen kann ist es ganz nett, bloß sitze ich dann irgendwo in der Pampa und kann einzig und allein daran denken, endlich wieder heim zu kommen.