site's back, time to party 
Just took my first dose of progesterone. If I don't wake up with DDs, I'm gonna cry
this post was submitted on 08 Jul 2024
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traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns
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might fuck around and wear make up today
the journey of too nervous to wear make up out, always wearing it out, too lazy to wear it out, to finally settling on sometimes wearing it out
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Getting a full-body CT bone scan, looking at the images and going Ooh ooh, aw yea boyee, look at that fuckin' hip tilt, oh baby that pelvis is SO DAMN TILTED, ooh damn you're so hiptiltpilled, just looook at how foward that pelvis is tilted!! 
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Me yesterday: omg I'm so happy I did this! I'm gonna be so hot! 
Me today: I have made a grave error, and it has been engraved upon my soul 
dysphoria stuff
I'm sad that I lost touch with people I knew, but part of me feels like it was necessary to even reach a point to consider that I'm trans.
In school, I had a support system. I had great friends, and people that I probably kinda took for granted.
But I thought I was straight, I thought I was cis. I was in a costume, and I played the part so well that nobody can look past the mask anymore. They're not thinking about me, they're remembering him. It's tough.
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Started working on voice training day before yesterday. It's nice to have something to work on while I wait to see the clinic at the end of the month for HRT. Meeting a trans friend I recently made for coffee tomorrow. And going to a trans support group the night after. Hopefully that will help with things mentioned below.
dysphoria and coming out
I'm starting to experience pronoun/name euphoria and dysphoria. And I'm having trouble asking people to stop dead naming me. Changed my profile name on facebook to gauge the reaction. But honestly feeling sketch about FB generally and will probably delete the thing.
I also haven't come out to my kid yet. He's 14, and I only see him once a week supervised because of my poor mental health. His mom has him in a conservative school district, and he's already been teased for not having a dad because of me being in his life so little. I'm going to talk to my therapist today about it. And probably our supervisor (who's also a therapist) soon. Then likely have to email my ex-wife and explain the situation to her and see if she wants to try co parenting on this or if she wants to just leave me to it. I'll probably apologize to my ex too, for my end of all the things her and I put each other through. Tell her something like, I really wasn't myself when we were together.
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this is a weird one, it's probably some kind of dysphoria? I guess? cw uh weird body stuff, weight discussion, mild brainworms
Does anybody else ever feel really under-developed to the point of almost being like, neotenous??? I know this is weird as fuck.
It's a given I guess that most adult men are like three times as wide as me, and a considerable portion of people are much taller than me too. (I know I know, "god I wish that were me", I'm sorry) But the average woman (cis or trans doesn't matter) also seems a lot more like, physically substantial than I am. It's probably the tiny noodle arms, (funny) really small cup size (lol) and perpetual ability to see my ribs because weight does not gather on my torso, but sometimes I do kind of feel like an overly tall child standing in a room of adults. My brother is way bigger a dude than I, even, and we aren't more than two years apart.
I think some of this might partially be mtfg brainworms, 'cause I know once or twice I've seen particularly shitty trips imply that anons were "pedobait" 
but that's not the kind of thought that enters my head about this stuff. I guess it feels like for all the changes I've affected, I still have a very similar build to when I was 17, you know? Idk if this makes any sense. I feel fuckin "underdeveloped" somehow...
One of the big ones I guess, and maybe this is one of the last "gender envy" things I still feel: my wife's hips are like 3× as wide as mine, it's incredible. I have pretty decent proportions myself, got a lot of mileage out of redistribution and hip tilt, but my wifey's figure is bottom-heavy u feel... 
my miniscule pelvis proving no match for her power as she hip-checks me
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spoiler
spoiler i like women :)))
i am gay :))))))))
:))))))))))))))))
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I'm slowly preparing myself for the Great Wardrobe Changeover. I've finally hit the point that my "man" pants I wear for work are just uncomfortable compared to my scrub bottoms or leggings, and it's not worth it.
I've already warned a couple people at work if someone gets found in the cardboard compactor, it wasn't me, but they shoulda watched their fucking mouth after the warnings they've had.
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I want to have my makeup done for my passport photo, but I don't want to have to look at myself.
idk what to do. 
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I started spiro and it's been so good for my mental health but it has caused insomnia for me. It is starting to get to me, I'm only getting 5-6 hours of sleep a night (sometimes less...) I go to sleep and wake up at around the 5 hour mark and can't fall asleep.
I only started like 2 weeks ago. Has anyone else dealt with this? Does it go away? Any tips to get around this? If I could sleep well this is like a miracle drug for me. I really want it to work out
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Hi gay friends in my computer 
I'm glad we're back. It was a long day with no bear site. I was like 4.5 days late with my last E shot and I feel it. Still have changed very little about my presentation but I did wear a flower crown to the bar last night which was fun.
less fun bits
I don't know how to adapt my presentation when I can barely hold my current (kinda shoddy) look together most days, I've got the worst dandruff you've ever seen, and I'm literally too large for like 95% of mens clothing let alone women's. It also doesn't help that I'm really not convinced I want to be a woman, only not a man, and that I've got some serious self-hatred about my body/weight. All the cool or attractive people I see I just think that I'm nothing like them and never will be.
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I wanna buy like 100 grams of raws and hand out estrogen vials like a fairy godmother.
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Just kind of complaining here, but the one local trans support / meetup group here has been cancelled every time for the last month+. Apparently the org that runs it doesn't have enough facilitators. Which, like, I get that people are busy but it's two hours twice a month. And they've only been announcing the cancellation last minute on Facebook.
Last week, I showed up without seeing the announcement. I wasn't the only one either, there was a whole series of vaguely nervous looking queers who came up to try the locked door and the immediately slunk away. At this point Im not sure I need a support group that much. Like I have some irl trans friends and I'm fully out and all that. But some of them might have been really struggling and it's super shitty to just cancel the group like that.
I wish I was more confident, I would start my own group lol.
I need my ~~daily~~ hourly dose of trans vibes!
just learned my housemate became a mini e-celebrity by using my edibles as bait for mouse traps. apparently the mice nibbled at them and stopped fucking with her food.
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