this post was submitted on 08 May 2025
279 points (98.6% liked)

Not The Onion

16291 readers
203 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] ThePantser@sh.itjust.works 142 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

That's the gayest sounding name for a festival.

[–] Transtronaut@lemmy.blahaj.zone 13 points 2 weeks ago

Most closeted thing I've ever heard.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] PunkRockSportsFan@fanaticus.social 134 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

Gonna be a lot of gross people that no one wants to fuck at that event.

I guarantee it.

[–] crank0271@lemmy.world 32 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

What if they fuck each other?

[–] Empricorn@feddit.nl 65 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)

That's... how Conservatives are made.

load more comments (4 replies)

Then it would just be pride month ? That’d be ok I guess assuming everyone consents

while talking about how not gay it is

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] TipRing@lemmy.world 64 points 2 weeks ago

I mean, ok. Pride isn't exclusionary. Most gay people have straight parents, siblings, friends and so on. If you feel the need to celebrate being straight, that's cool. If you think you're a victim because you are straight then I might suggest some therapy.

[–] njm1314@lemmy.world 49 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Hundred bucks says the grinder app's going to get a lot of traffic that weekend. There's going to be very busy bus station bathrooms, and maybe Airport bathrooms? I don't know if they have airports in Idaho.

[–] PattyMcB@lemmy.world 10 points 2 weeks ago

Self-loathing is a bitch

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] themeatbridge@lemmy.world 44 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

You know what would be the fucking best thing ever? If everyone showed up and was totally supportive. Like those hateful bigots are all marching and hollering and then here comes the pride parade with hetero banners and signs saying "Heteros Are Awesome!" and other really positive shit. And they'll be all like "We don't want your support," and we'll be like "Fuck you, pride is for all!" And maybe like one or two of them would be like, "Oh..." and then the world is a better place for a moment.

[–] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 15 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

For a moment I thought you were headed inthe direction of LGBTQ rebranding "All Lives Matter".

Like some hateful biggot is chanting "DOWN WITH QUEERS" and then the Pride Parade marches in, and starts supporting them. And the hate parade tries to resist, and then the Pride people start saying they love everybody, and ALL lives matter. And then the hateful side says "WAIT! NO! THATS OURS, AND IT DOESN'T MEAN THAT!" And then the Pride people say "Too late! We've rebranded it now! We love you, baby!" And the hateful people are just confused like "what.....what just happened??"

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] I_Fart_Glitter@lemmy.world 9 points 2 weeks ago

I mean, my first thought was “Aww… sweety… yes, you are awesome. Have a cookie and let mommy watch her stories.”

[–] Allero@lemmy.today 37 points 1 week ago (9 children)

Honestly, if done without any hate to LGBTQ+, I'm all for it. We need a nice hetero representation, and hetero relationships are beautiful. This does include trans people forming hetero couples, and hetero-demi-/asexuals, and many more, so it can even intersect with LGBTQ+ in some cases.

All relationships and sexualities are beautiful, and hetero ones are no exception.

But I doubt it'll be done this way.

[–] futatorius@lemm.ee 1 points 2 days ago

But I doubt it’ll be done this way.

It almost certainly will be a hate fest. These are people who think they're being persecuted because other people are allowed to live their lives.

[–] cupcakezealot@lemmy.blahaj.zone 24 points 1 week ago (1 children)

id be ok with it as long as they don't push it in my face

[–] huppakee@lemm.ee 19 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I don't want to walk past and see them holding hands or anything

[–] XeroxCool@lemmy.world 13 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Holding hands implies they're trying to have sex. A penis, in a vagina? How do I explain that to my 4 year old?

[–] futatorius@lemm.ee 2 points 2 days ago

I remember how grossed out I was when I first learned about it: "NO WAY did my mom and dad do that!"

Kids don't understand much at that age.

[–] Zero22xx@lemmy.blahaj.zone 20 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Yeah, I'd say, if hetero people need an excuse to have fun and celebrate something, I'm all for it. But I have a sneaky suspicion that this is going just going to be used as a hatefest towards LGBTQ+ people instead. I would love to be proven wrong but I have a feeling that straight cis people who are open minded and accepting and not bigots, aren't the ones who feel the need to go "what about straight pride / international men's day?" whenever anyone else gets a bit of attention.

[–] Goldmage263@sh.itjust.works 9 points 1 week ago (2 children)

I'm cis-het and fully intend to go to the pride parade with friends in a different state. It's going to be a great time! Idk why the largest groups feel like they need extra special attention.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] Allero@lemmy.today 7 points 1 week ago

On the other hand, the concerns themselves are real, and if they will be addressed in a way positive to everyone else, this will be great!

So, we'll see. Under current administration, the risks for it derailing into the hate fest are quite high, but fingers crossed.

[–] reiterationstation@lemm.ee 6 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Most likely no one shows up.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (5 replies)
[–] apocalypticat@lemmy.world 36 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Pride: "equal rights for all".

Straight pride: "all people are equal, but straights are more equal than others".

[–] Illogicalbit@lemmy.world 26 points 1 week ago (2 children)

These things always feel like someone shouting “I have a birthday too!“ at someone else’s birthday party.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] Luouth@lemmy.world 29 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

This sounds like something a group of Incels would plan to get their buttocks to accidentally touch the buttocks of another young man.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Gowron_Howard@lemm.ee 25 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Honestly, there’s no punchline better than this just being a thing.

[–] limelight79@lemm.ee 8 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

The turnout will be about 10 people.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Empricorn@feddit.nl 25 points 2 weeks ago

I'm a straight dude and would love to socially meet more hetero women... but this sounds like the lamest and (ironically) gayest event I've ever heard of. Guaranteed it's going to be filled with ugly, un-fun, angry people counter-protesting. You know the type, critically concerned with what the fuck other consenting adults do...?

[–] frezik@midwest.social 23 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Straight people celebrating being the ones to perpetuate the human race give argument for not perpetuating the human race

[–] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 13 points 2 weeks ago (14 children)

I'm hetero, but I'm also happily child free.

But also I wouldn't attend this event. If people want to be gay, be gay. If people want to be christian, be christian. If people want to be a dinosaur, be a dinosaur.

I don't give a fuck what other people do. As long as they're respectful to everybody, and don't hurt anybody, that's cool. You be you.

Except for Andy Dick, whose last name is apt.

load more comments (14 replies)
[–] Rustic_Fry@literature.cafe 19 points 1 week ago

Grinder crashes immediately

[–] brucethemoose@lemmy.world 18 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

My generation called that kind of party a “sausage fest.”

And not the fun kind.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Rozauhtuno@lemmy.blahaj.zone 18 points 1 week ago (1 children)

It sounds like the most cringe thing ever. So yeah, let them do it, I wanna see it (mostly to point and laugh).

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] cupcakezealot@lemmy.blahaj.zone 17 points 1 week ago (1 children)

is it just a bunch of white guys standing around talking about how potato's are neat

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] CuddlyCassowary@lemmy.world 15 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

I’ve never seen it, but I’m already sure their flag sucks.

[–] Frog@lemmy.ca 14 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

They hate rainbows so it's just a white flag.

They should name it the White Pride Parade.

[–] huppakee@lemm.ee 15 points 2 weeks ago

Actually, there has been a straight ally flag for quite a while now it's not bad straight ally flag

So i looked it up and that without the rainbow 'a' is actually on Wikipedia. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Straight_flag

It's resemblance to old prison uniforms is quite ironic:

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] anarchiddy@lemmy.dbzer0.com 13 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

He, more like hetero sausage fest

Ayooo

my wife came up with this

[–] missingno@fedia.io 13 points 2 weeks ago

"No hate at all, it's a love thing."

But also LGTBQ+ people are "disgusting and criminal".

[–] sircac@lemmy.world 12 points 1 week ago

Sounds like some insecurities need reaffirmation...

[–] DemBoSain@midwest.social 10 points 2 weeks ago

You all heard it. This year Hedonism will be held on the front lawn of the Idaho capitol building.

load more comments
view more: next ›