this post was submitted on 21 May 2025
771 points (98.5% liked)

Lemmy Shitpost

31671 readers
4036 users here now

Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


Rules:

1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

...


2. No Illegal Content


Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.

That means:

-No promoting violence/threats against any individuals

-No CSA content or Revenge Porn

-No sharing private/personal information (Doxxing)

...


3. No Spam


Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.

-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.

-Do not spam posts with intent to harass, annoy, bully, advertise, scam or harm this community.

-No posting Scams/Advertisements/Phishing Links/IP Grabbers

-No Bots, Bots will be banned from the community.

...


4. No Porn/ExplicitContent


-Do not post explicit content. Lemmy.World is not the instance for NSFW content.

-Do not post Gore or Shock Content.

...


5. No Enciting Harassment,Brigading, Doxxing or Witch Hunts


-Do not Brigade other Communities

-No calls to action against other communities/users within Lemmy or outside of Lemmy.

-No Witch Hunts against users/communities.

-No content that harasses members within or outside of the community.

...


6. NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.


-Content that is NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.

-Content that might be distressing should be kept behind NSFW tags.

...

If you see content that is a breach of the rules, please flag and report the comment and a moderator will take action where they can.


Also check out:

Partnered Communities:

1.Memes

2.Lemmy Review

3.Mildly Infuriating

4.Lemmy Be Wholesome

5.No Stupid Questions

6.You Should Know

7.Comedy Heaven

8.Credible Defense

9.Ten Forward

10.LinuxMemes (Linux themed memes)


Reach out to

All communities included on the sidebar are to be made in compliance with the instance rules. Striker

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
top 34 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] einlander@lemmy.world 142 points 1 day ago (4 children)

She can cum if she wants to, she can leave her friends behind.

[–] dream_weasel@sh.itjust.works 39 points 23 hours ago

Cuz her friends dont cum and if they don't cum that's their choice and I don't mind.

[–] tpihkal@lemmy.world 22 points 1 day ago

Yeah, that's what my brain said too 😂

[–] anonymouse2@sh.itjust.works 3 points 20 hours ago

Cum if she wants to. Cum around the world.

[–] TheLowestStone@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago

I'd rather she bring her friends along...

[–] _druid@sh.itjust.works 43 points 1 day ago

I don't make her cum, I allow her to, once she's earned it. And she better thank me for it.

Then hugs and kisses all around, and usually a snack and some coffee after (she loves when I pour her a cup of coffee).

[–] terminhell@lemmy.world 89 points 1 day ago (5 children)

Jokes aside - I've heard, from sex therapist friends that getting off isn't your partners job. It's yours. Your partner is there just to help.

[–] Randomgal@lemmy.ca 3 points 7 hours ago (1 children)

I mean sure. It's also okay to want a partner that cares about your experience during intimate, vulnerable acts instead of a guy who sees you as just a useful hole

[–] pmk@lemmy.sdf.org 1 points 42 minutes ago

The caring you describe is part of the helping.

[–] Grimy@lemmy.world 37 points 1 day ago (1 children)

It's not premature ejaculation, my partner is just really good at helping. Its always my fault though.

[–] the_radness@lemmy.world 14 points 21 hours ago

Howdy-do, fellow minute-man!

If your dick can't do the walking, let your tongue do the talking.

[–] theUwUhugger@lemmy.world 49 points 1 day ago

Sex therapist sounds a lot more fun job that it probably is!

[–] joyjoy@lemm.ee 24 points 1 day ago

With the exception of "if you came, it doesn't mean you consented"

[–] Skullgrid@lemmy.world -5 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I guess, but my history makes me feel like I'm batting a thousand. I guess I bring that "I'll do what your body needs, lemme know" kinda vibe to the bedroom.

Have there been misses? Of course. Have there been partners that achieved orgasm in ways they didn't think would happen? Also yes.

[–] rc__buggy@sh.itjust.works 2 points 20 hours ago (1 children)
[–] Skullgrid@lemmy.world 2 points 11 hours ago

Just finished getting the baby ready for my wife to take her to group childcare.

[–] mydoomlessaccount 59 points 1 day ago

If her friends don't cum- and if they don't cum- well they're no friends of mine

[–] ceenote@lemmy.world 55 points 1 day ago (1 children)

You seem to be close to orgasm! Would you like assistance? Please sign this consent form.

[–] BlueKey@fedia.io 28 points 1 day ago (2 children)

I read the first two sentences with an image of Clippy in my head.

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 5 points 17 hours ago

clippy would say "sounds like you're..."

[–] lime@feddit.nu 16 points 1 day ago* (last edited 16 hours ago)

clitty the intimacy assistant

Edit: "orifice assistant" was right there. fuck.

[–] joyjoy@lemm.ee 61 points 1 day ago (1 children)

It's my party I can cum if I want to

[–] Skullgrid@lemmy.world 27 points 1 day ago (1 children)

sir, this is a fast food establishment.

[–] sundray@lemmus.org 14 points 1 day ago

Please take off the crown before you leave.

[–] match@pawb.social 21 points 1 day ago (1 children)

weird how all your sexual partners don't seem to want to cum when you're around tho

[–] qarbone@lemmy.world 4 points 22 hours ago

I've noticed these coincidences. It's starting to look like a pattern.

[–] loomy@lemy.lol 31 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Thats a true woman lover

[–] Stovetop@lemmy.world 6 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Title made me think of one of my favorite videos.

https://youtu.be/xWyUs3CLE0Y

[–] otacon239@lemmy.world 4 points 20 hours ago

YESSSS. This was one of the first videos I ever saw back on the legendary r/youtubehaiku in its heyday.