this post was submitted on 21 May 2025
458 points (99.6% liked)

The Onion

6342 readers
144 users here now

The Onion

A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.

Great Satire Writing:

founded 3 years ago
MODERATORS
all 18 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] TheImpressiveX@lemm.ee 53 points 1 month ago (1 children)

The children yearn for the mines.

[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 points 1 month ago

Perhaps they can jockey tens of thousands of screaming, shit covered chickens?

[–] solsangraal@lemmy.zip 37 points 1 month ago (3 children)

just wait until it's "totally legal" for corporations to "adopt" orphans

[–] Fredselfish@lemmy.world 14 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Dude don't give them ideas.

[–] CosmicTurtle0@lemmy.dbzer0.com 9 points 1 month ago

I'll believe a corporation is a person when Texas ~~kills one through lethal injection~~ lets one adopt a child.

[–] pdxfed@lemmy.world 9 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] ProfAel@feddit.org 8 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] ZoopZeZoop@lemmy.world 3 points 1 month ago

Nah, not them...

[–] ouRKaoS@lemmy.today 4 points 1 month ago

Adopt Orphans?

Your contract states that anything you create while employed at [COMPANY NAME] is the sole property of [COMPANY NAME], you're lucky you're allowed a generous 0.25% caretaker stipend for the child that's been a complete leech on resources for the last 9 months...

[–] RockBottom@feddit.org 7 points 1 month ago

Owners want the workforce as small as possible. Literally.

[–] cm0002@lemmy.world 6 points 1 month ago
[–] veganpizza69@lemmy.vg 1 points 1 month ago
[–] Lawnman23@lemmy.world 1 points 1 month ago

I just realized that the teacher in the pic has a wonderful derrière.

Anywho…