Microblog Memes

Funeral potatoes

LPT: you can avoid this simply by making something different every time.

27 and mine is already meatballs

I make this garlic cheese dip, basically the same stuff as this stuff from Wegmans: I figured out how to make it myself because it was so good but too expensive. I used to make it for every family gathering but I don't really get to those often anymore, so these days I usually make big batches around Christmas and drop off containers to friends and family. There's lots of ways to eat it but I love it cold and spread on fresh sliced baguette, so that's how I always see serve it.

Rolo pretzel turtles for me.

Lay out some mini pretzel twists on a baking sheet with parchment paper and top each with a Rolo candy.

Put in a low oven for maybe 6-10 minutes, until the Rolos are soft but not melted.

Then quickly press a pecan on top of each one right when they come out, then let cool.

I've also done it with animal crackers and almonds.

Buffalo chicken dip is basic as fuck. That's what my lame ass sister in law always brings. It's delicious. I hate her, but it's great, so I never eat it in front of her

Mine is chili😂

Pickle roll ups!

Better known here as Scandinavian sushi.

Corned beef, cream cheese, and pickles that have been drained and dried.

Or when you're feeling spicy, sport peppers instead of pickles.

You know you want it.

Guacamole.

Avocado, a metric fuckton of cilantro, diced roma tomato, diced white onion, a modest amount of minced tomatillo ("secret ingredient" #1), a lot of lime juice, a hefty amount of garlic run through a microplane, salt and a pinch of cumin ("secret ingredient" #2).

Not kidding on the metric fuckton part, this almost (but not quite, I am exaggerating) comes together less like a traditional guac and more like a cilantro salad dressed in mashed avocado. It slays though, I make huge batches and seldom see it unfinished.

Actual ratio by mass of the finished product ... it's maybe 60% avocado? With the rest being all the other ingredients put together.

Where's my people at with plates, cups etc. because they can't cook?

• Pulled pork
• Deviled eggs
• Mashed potatoes (not just potatoes and salt)

E: markdown

Biscuits and gravy.

My friends and I try to get together once every year in a big Airbnb, where we basically just hang out all weekend or a most of a week if we can. We all take turns cooking meals for everyone. Only breakfast and dinner, lunch is a free for all. I always get breakfast for day one. It's always biscuits and gravy.

The biscuits come from a can, they were put there by a man, in a factory downtown.

But the gravy is homemade. Use a giant pot, put a few pounds of spicy ground sausage in the bottom and brown it up. Leave the grease in, lower the heat, add an amount of flour and stir it in for a few minutes to cook it and make a sort of roux. Then slowly add almost a gallon of whole milk, depending on how much sausage and therefore flour you used.

Stir it very often, gently scrape the bottom, but not aggressively, because you likely burned a little flour on there during the roux phase, too much meat to handle, I haven't solved this yet. But it'll be ok.

Once it's good and hot, almost simmering, kill the heat, let it cool a minute or two, then serve on the biscuits. The consistency should be somewhat thick, like, well, thick gravy. Not watery. When it gets cold in the fridge, you can scoop it out and it holds its shape.

It's so unhealthy, but people love it. It makes a great breakfast for 10-15 people. Sometimes I'll do a big pan of eggs simultaneously to go with it. There's always leftovers of the gravy, but it goes on anything and reheats easily, so it gets eaten over the next few days when random people are randomly hungry. It never gets thrown out.

I've tried offering to make other dishes, do dinner instead, or do a different breakfast food. But everyone always begs for the biscuits and gravy. So I oblige.

We do usually end up with a second meal, depending on how many people can make it, so I'll help my wife with whatever she decides to make for dinner.

pulled pork - low effort, high reward

Red beans and rice, it's easy in the slow cooker, has a lot of flavor

My wife got buffalo chicken dip. I drew the card for Thanksgiving Turkey. It's only once a year, but it's every year, and I spend more time on it than a year's worth of chicken dip prep.

Somehow I never did, largely because it never came up. I always assumed my generation just doesn't do Potlucks, but as I'm typing this, maybe it's me?

Regardless, I barely cook. However, a few years ago I started baking Christmas cookies. Now I'm famous in the family for keeping the tradition alive. Long story short, Scottish shortbread cookies are my dad's favorite. But he & mom separated when we were still young. My grandma on my mother's side was the only one who had the recipe. So on years when dad was behaving, we'd have these cookies at Christmas. And vice versa. So I have a strong connection that these cookies = good times. I'm told I've gotten pretty good at making them. That, or we're just all fatties who love cookies. Could be both. =D

Green bean casserole.

Pepperoni bread. The secret is I use cooper sharp cheese, as well as a mix of fun spices including some za'tar and Italian sausage seasoning in the oil it bakes in.

I'm the mac n cheese guy

Salsa. Its a recipe i came up with when I was around 15 while I was trying to make a medium heat salsa with roasted peppers. Instead I made an atomic salsa that would melt paint off walls. I ended up having to cut the heat so I used honey and some citrus juice. It would still make you sweat buckets but it was a slow heat that crept up on you. I made it for my mom's house party one year and ive been making it since.

I make Korean grilled chicken and fried rice. My wife volunteers me for it for every boo-dang party and potluck. Even for her work potlucks that I don't even go to.

I know it's good. I mean, like really good. But I am more than just a chicken and rice machine. Her coworkers wont stop talking to me about my chicken and rice whenever I meet them. I have other interests!

Mine is Sushi.

More specifically, California Roll with Garlic Sambla, Sriracha Mayo, and Garlic Sauce on top.