You really look like your mother!
“…I have an idea…”
this post was submitted on 25 Nov 2025
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"Sorry I'm late. After all those scotches I had to piss like a racehorse."
I like that they actually included a photo of Mrs. Doubtfire in the article, in case people need a visual reminder of the hilarity.
Gotta do what you gotta do.
US NIH researchers got enamored with shitty epidemiological research in the 90s linking the southern Mediterranean lifestyle to longevity. Similar focus on Okinawa and that diet. Shit begat more shit and suddenly everyone is drinking wine and olive oil. Thousands of manuscripts published, resveratrol!
Wasn't until the 2020s that researchers actually went to these areas to see these magically ageing people. They found them in gravesites. Pension fraud can make you live forever!
In Japan...turns out everyone over a 100 was born on the 1st or 15th of each month. Shitty records restoration by the half assed US military after WW2 just meant they made up birthdates.
Even in super fit Sweden, life expectency is more or less the same as every other region.
Some links you won't read:
https://www.japantimes.co.jp/life/2024/12/25/lifestyle/lifespan-japan-data/
Absolutely god damned right too. That's HER money. She earned it. If it's not paid out to her because she died before she got it back, her son should get it.
Just imagine you're paying a mandatory fee each month (a big chunk of your money) into a fund that is supposed to provide for you when you get old, and then you die before you get old enough, then FUCK YOU give the money back. It's not yours to keep. She earned it.
Yeah no, that's not how a pension system can be sustainable.
Some people must get less than they paid so that others don't have to starve to death because they live to the age of 100.
And that's honestly OK. The same way someone who never gets sick in their life has to pay for all the chronically ill.
You know I kind of realized this while I was typing out my outrage. So, fair. But still, in the light of what they do with our pension funds, I am hard pressed to blame someone wanting to have some of their parents pensions when said parents die.
Many pensions offer survivor benefits for a lower payout. Smoking kept pension funds healthy.
Look I already admitted my comment was written as if by a drunk English gentleman in his 50's, and I saw the error of my ways halfway into the contention.
But look. If the deal is that we pay money into a fund proposed to take care of us when we are old, then how those funds are managed are also quite a big deal.
Shit I sound like a drunk Brit again. Never mind.
The solution you want is a retirement savings plan.
Granted my parents are poor and have no pension but no, I don't want their pension i didn't earn it.
If you meant having similar structure pensions as in defined benefit vs. defined contribution you're damn right but they're not fucking sustainable and that's why we are in such a mess. To make our parents or grandparents pensions sustainable requires a hell of a lot more investment in them and/or shareholder greed to fuck off and companies re-prioritize their wealth accordingly.
Both of those solutions are a big LOL.
On your first point, I concede. I get it.
On your second point, I'm not completely certain what to make of what you are saying here:
If you meant having similar structure pensions as in defined benefit vs. defined contribution you’re damn right but they’re not fucking sustainable and that’s why we are in such a mess.
Could you explain what you mean?
So the colea notes is in the old world DB was how it was setup. You paid company a set amt of money and they set you up with x dollars a month for the rest of your life.
Fine when boomers are a massive cohort propping it up via sheer volume alone with people dying younger.
We started living longer and surprise future cohorts are not massive like the boomers. That means the model of DB is not economically feasible. Around the world from left and right countries you are seeing this. Public pensions are being rewritten and people are rightly angry but you cannot sustain the model.
This is why the collective move to DC specifically when it comes to newer employees. What you get is tied to what you put in.
Yeah, I don't mind it too much. Especially because tax evasion is a far bigger harm to social welfare systems.
As long as he actually needed that money and wasn't some already well-off fucker that wanted to hoard even more money that is.
It's all part of the same fucking scam. "It's not only that they robbed the bank, they also rifle butted the clerks in the face."
We had a similar situation here too. Mom was dead buried in the garden, daughter was taking the money etc people started to ask questions "where is your mother". Police did finally search her residence and found her.
That’s pretty impressive honestly.
Yeah this was more about the game than than the money.
I thought it was a before and after image before I read the title. Damn fine work.
I wanna laugh and say he is an egg taking an opprutinity to step outside his gender.
But...
Not only did her son not officially report her death, he wrapped her body in a bedsheet, stuffed it into a sleeping bag and hid it in his house.
But it's not funny, just ghoulish, depressing and scary. That poor woman, she deserved better than whatever tf we call this.
Omg how the fuck are people so brave to do that. 😭 Like, I'd freak out if there's a dead body near me, like it feels as if someone is gonna assume you committed murder by not reporting a body. Like my first instict, after watching too many crime shows, is just you have to immediately call an ambulance, doesn't matter how dead they look, you have to assume they're alive. Like bruh imagine how sketchy it looks for someone to find a dead body with you. Literally makes you prime suspect.
Edit: Typo
I agree, but isn't it strange that throwing her in a hole and throwing dirt on her, or burning her is considered the better treatment?
I think I've been duped by cultural customs.
For the dead person it doesn’t matter but for anyone else it’s better to put the rotting body where it doesn’t stink up the place.
is that a reference to the film Cocktail with Tom Cruise?
how cultures treat the remains of the dead vary. wrapping your mom's body in a sheet and hiding it in the house while you wear a wig and go to cash her checks isnt someone waking up from otherwise foolish death customs dude
You know what. Maybe it should be!
I have an idea for a bold new law. Let's help desperate people, add more whimsy to the world, and maybe help some folks discover something about themselves.
New Law:
You can legally claim your dead relative's social welfare benefits for up to five years after their death...but you have to dress up and present as them full time!
Holy fuck I can't stop laughing
It really wasn't meant to be taken that seriously, haha. But I suppose you could tag me as woke to foolish death customs dude. It would be an interesting way to be introduced at a wake
I'd have to agree with you. Personally, they can harvest what good organs I have left and do whatever they want with the rest. I feel like a lot of the traditions around death are there for the surviving friends and family not for the deceased. In this case, he was the surviving family member and honored her by dressing up like her and collecting her pension.
I'm with Frank. Recycling bin.
Meh. It made sense in the wild. Can't have animals digging up your loved ones. Now it's more ceremonial but the idea is the same: It's for the living not the dead
Scared and desperate people do scared and desperate things. For all we know, this was this guy's only way of keeping a roof over his head.
Okay but I’m having a hard time not finding humour in this. I mean shes dead, it’s not like she felt it or cared. Dude is a fucking FREAK for sure but like this as a situation, like that he even thought to do this and then executed this insane plan for pension money is absolutely bonkers nutso.
Like how long did he plan to keep this rouse going? There’s no way this works for longer than a year and then you’re going STRAIGHT to jail. And for what? A years worth of pension?
Tbh, I would actively authorize this for my next of kin if they wanted for a private pension. Doing it for public funds is fucked though. I would also stipulate that they be safe with the biohazard that is my corpse, because just keeping it in a bag in the living room is stomach turning.
At least he didn't run a hotel or anything...
Did you see the Netflix Ed Gein limited series?
I did not...
Oh, well, you should. The comment about running a hotel reminded me of it. He was a big part of the inspiration for Psycho (and Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and probably others), and there's sidebar stories with Alfred Hitchcock and the actor from Psycho.
Oh, I already know about Gein, I didn't need to watch the show. 😉
Well it's a good show regardless.
He did have rental properties….
No no no, it's one of those Blue Zone things! It's definitely not pension scams!