Ask Lemmy

I cut off my father after him defending the murder of George Floyd by reciting TimPool/Peterson talking points. And then he died last year. So, I guess he'd have to fix that first.

For me, it would be for her to actually respect my boundaries, and to show an active interest in who I actually am instead of what role I can fulfill for her.

Absolutely nothing for both parents. No contact has turned into safety for not just me, but others in my life. if I introduced contact with my parents, it would turn into contact with even more evil people.

I think mine is mentally unwell. If she wasn't, we might be able to build a positive relationship eventually, but I don't think that's possible for her.

So my father is the one who stopped speaking to me, but he'd have to reach out and gender me correctly. From there I'd maintain my distance, I've realized that he really fucked me up before disowning me as well, and my therapist said it's fair for me to call him a narcissist. But that's kinda why I'd take him reaching out first. It's hard and it would show a growth that I don't ever expect to happen. The rest of the family says he pretends I don't exist and gets mad when I come up.

I told him he could either have his racist and hateful views of people, people that include my friends and mentors, or he could have a relationship with his son.

So it's been 9 years now, I'll let you know when I hear back on his answer.

She would need to make a genuine apology to my brother and his wife. I gave her the easy apology with myself six years ago under the assumption that she would make an actual effort with everyone else involved. She did not, and instead chose the route of the coward pretending to be victimized and wronged. Until she chooses the path of accountability, I don't have any intention of speaking with her.

For my mom, it'd take a necromancer, and a massive change in her personality. Probably to stop doing drugs. Not against drug use, but they made her... Not great to be around. For my dad fairly similar, sans necromancy. I'd need to know that he's worked out his anger issues, probably via a lack of alcohol in his life. Still shocked his ex wife took him back.

It took 10 years then finally meeting again at my Grandparents' home, and realizing my mother was scared shitless of me. That took the power back, like I wasn't a defenseless, dependant 16 year old anymore. It's like she knew better than to ever bring up right-wing political cult stuff after that ever again. She died in 2020, so ig I'm glad she never lived to see the current state of affairs

Admittion of wrong-doing and change of behaviour.

It's alot more complicated than that but that's pretty high level view.

An apology, acknowledgement of wrongdoings and the $400k dad cost me by ignoring my grandfathers wishes for the inheritance. Writing that out, I'll likely never talk to him again.

Nothing. She is utterly unrepentant and claims no idea what she did. One sibling is also no contact. The other is involved, therefore I decline to communicate because they cannot be trusted to not pass on information.

nothing. my father is a fascist and refuses to acknowledge how homophobic and violent about it he was towards me as a teenager. he can apologize for the way he treated me but supporting Trump twice is unforgivable.

On the flip side, I have cut all contact with the youngest of my four children (he is turning 24 in a month) due to bigotry, fascistic tendencies, rampant narcissism and believing in and supporting things that make me absolutely nauseous. My other three kids don't talk to him either. We all call him the white sheep in a black sheep family, as he's very normative, straight white supremacist, etc. I'm rather surprised he doesn't go to church despite being atheist his whole life.

For both: a genuine, non-narcissist’s apology. The kind my stepson knew how to do when he was 11.

So basically, nothing realistic.

Nothing, absolutely never going to happen. It has been many, many years and they moved on more easily than me…almost like my going NC did them a favor. My dad passed before Covid, and he was the only one I had a relationship with in adulthood, and I miss him. I have no idea what has become of the rest of my family over the years. I am mostly fine. There’s no use mourning awful people for decades. I do it once or twice a year and that’s more of the mourning an idea of what having a family would be.

Nothing. They had years to start listening. Now it's too late.

My brother's a textbook malignant narcissist who will literally lecture everyone around him about how great he is. He pulls shitty, manipulative BS, lies about his behavior with a straight face and then does it again the next day.

My brother is what he is and there's nothing he could ever say or do that would convince me otherwise.

Nothing. My parents went through a nasty divorce that I was dragged through the middle of. During that ordeal, my mom made it abundantly clear how she felt about me. I now maintain a strict no-contact policy regarding her, for both my sanity and safety.

Mother: Can prove that they are in recovery from drugs, apologize for selling/trafficking me for drugs, and almost murdering me.

Father: Apologize for abandoning me, and take an active interest in my life.

I am low contact, but she is way too mentally ill to have positive relationships with people. I sympathize that she can't control it, but it's kind of like asking me to put my hand on a stove to please someone else. I truly gain nothing but unpleasant feelings from being around her. I feel nothing but aversion to the thought of being around her. Even as a child I avoided her.

For them to apologize and to treat me like an adult.

My father would have to admit he didn't really care and make up for all the bs that happened because of it.

My mother can rot in hell.

Haven't had contact with my dad for at least 12 years. No reason really we're just both the kind of person to not call, so there isn't anything to mend. I assume the next time I'll be seeing him is at his mum's funeral.

Nothing. I simply don't want anything to do with the concept of biological family; makes absolutely no sense to me.