Asking my life partner how their day was is not small talk. Asking the same question from the cashier at the grocery checkout is small talk.
this post was submitted on 09 Jun 2026
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What if they are the same person?
It averages out to medium talk.
If there's someone behind you, that's called "holding up the line."
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People think that "i hate small talk" must mean "i want big talk" because they cannot comprehend the idea of just shutting tf up
These thoughts rattling around in my head and this breath in my lungs would be wasted forever unless I combine them and thrust it upon your unwilling ears
—the entire world for some reason
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Not always true and a little besides the point. I went through a period where my friend circle ONLY made small talk. Hang out for a couple hours at a bar, 90% no talking and when we did it was either to insult each other or talk about our beers.
It became exhausting. Unsurprisingly we went our separate ways and never contacted each other again.
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Some people are just scared of silence I guess.
Talking To my partner isn't small talk. Sustaining a conversation with a coworker who won't shut the fuck up is small talk
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My bf and I barely talk at all. It's fucking awesome just being comfortable shutting the fuck up together.
You mean you don’t have someone constantly at their/your wits’ end… telling you that you’re either the cause of , or lack of the cause of everything?
Thought I was just old fashioned… LOVE…
Nah; I split with my abusive af wife years ago.
That's what normies don't get about introverts: we're not above small talk, we're above small talk when it's all there is. Of course we'll ask the loved one how their day has been, and the fact is we'll actually shut the fuck up and listen to it all, and when things become serious we'll talk to say meaningful things.
Else, there's folie à deux echolalia, shitty jokes, movie lines, comfortable silence, or skipping it all to 'scorching hot sex'.
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What's wrong with silence? You don't have to talk continuously.
With silence. Peace and tranquility. Simply enjoying someone's very presence without needing to verbalize it
The definition of small talk is literally establishing common ground in some way. It's only meant for people you don't or barely know.
It's absolutely unnecessary for people you already know deeply.
Firstly, that sounds great. Secondly small talk is meaningless filler, not common topics, so asking common things is not small talk as long as I actually care and participate in the conversion (like "how are you?" Or "how was your day?" Or even "interesting weather today")
You don’t need to discuss how pleasant the weather is, but talking about the important things in your life is necessary for a meaningful relationship.
It’s necessary, but discussing the big important things don’t take up very much time in a long term relationship. There’s a lot more small talk that happens, so best to be on the same page about both with your partner!
I’ll just sit and not say stuff for hours with my partner. It’s nice.
I mean, the Fins have a thriving society.
I can’t explain it, but they’re among the happiest people on earth.
There was an interesting theory in a paper: during happiness research they interview people and ask them to imagine what the best life would look like and then estimate where they are compared to it in a scale of 0 to 10.
Well, in Finnish comprehensive schools we use grading 4-10 where 4 is "failed", so everything under 7 is bad and 8 is merely "ok". And as we learn this odd scale quite early it's stuck in our heads. So yeah.
I don't know any Finnish person that would describe their life as happy. Perhaps we mean to grade our life as merely tolerable when asked and the scale doesn't take into account this weird system that we use!
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I don't mind having a conversation about stupid bullshit, I love those. But I do hate having a superficial conversation filled with lies and obfuscation about meaningless topics neither of us care about solely for the sake of filling the silence. It's a waste of energy and time.
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The more I read into this thread, the more I appreciate being German. I don't talk to the cashier besides smiling at them and saying hello and goodbye and they don't expect me to. I only talk to people I want to talk to, besides at work. But even there I keep it low.
It's not that I don't like to talk. I just prefer to talk with a meaning.
You might like New Jersey to then. "How you doing" is about the extent of it. I can see people I know while out for a run, walk, grocery, whatever, and you're only getting a how you doing unless there's something important we need to discuss. Neighbors, you get a smile and a wave. I'm not striking up a conversation just to strike up a conversation, and that's how most of us are.
At the same time, we can plan to get together and then do get-together stuff, including those meaningless or meaningful conversations.
I hope you don't get me wrong. Ten years ago I might have thought about that. But in the meantime, the USA have removed themselves from the list of countries I want to visit for the foreseeable future and probably beyond. And even 10 years ago, I wasn't really eager to visit.
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yes, thats what I want
No you transition straight into hardcore steamy sex
Exclusively dating ND women has been a blessed relief from small talk
Every woman I've dated since high school has been taller and more autistic than the last. If my wife ever leaves me, I'll need to find a non-verbal WNBA star.
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Life partner arrives home. Me: extends middle finger. Life partner: grunts. The rest of the interaction: [redacted]
I thought so about myself too, until i realise i hate small talk because most of the time it's about topic idgaf or with people i don't want to interact with or when i'm supposed to focus.
...yes?
Yes it exists or yes that’s your conversational plan?
Yes.
We either have free will or we have the illusion of free will so convincing and persistent that no meaningful distinction can be drawn and we must continue to act as if we have free will.
"Hey babe! I already ordered delivery. Let's fuck~"
if this matches your idea of destressing after a long day, and you're a furry, 📮🥺
E: and before the inevitable 'but what do you do after the sex?' - well you see, you eat, and then have more sex. Then maybe a shower before bed. Possibly involving sex.
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I don't hate small talk. I'm just not good at it.
“I am home” is not small talk but a declaration, you inform anyone else currently in the home that you specifically (and not a burglar) are now present.
Or you want to have your life narated, but can't afford to hire a voice actor and talking in thirth person feels weird.
We don’t. Weigh the risk/reward and determine what you really want vs what you’re willing to offer. If you’re not willing to offer a partner who requires the full emotional and social commitment of human connectivity and only in it for base needs, you’re an asshole. If you both agree that it’s just about satisfying each other’s base needs, great. Eventually you get old enough you don’t care anymore and coming home to no one is a blessing, just four walls blocking the noise of society, a dog or cat or both, and the blissful solitude of not having no responsibility for the emotional needs of another human being even if deep down you know yours are unsatisfied. Accept you’re a hot mess that other people shouldn’t have to deal with and make the best of what you’ve got without dragging someone else into your cycle of misery.
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I just start trauma dumping
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