this post was submitted on 04 Nov 2025
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I cannot believe we're wasting taxpayer dollars on a ballistic hoagie attack.
Assault with a deli weapon
Top-tier pun!
This is so good it should be illegal.
Give the DOJ(ackoffs) a week or two and it will be.
intercontinental ballistic mayonaisse
...take my upvote...
"ballistic submarine missile" was right there
D'oh!
torpedos away
ICE agents prefer Grinder
Haha being gay is bad amirite
No, every representation of human sexuality can be beautiful (with consent that is). Just wordplay with one of the multiple terms for sub, hero, blimp, torpedo and yes, grinder.
It's not being gay, it's being a bunch of hypocrites about being gay that deserves the ridicule
I'm sure we all know the phrase that a prosecutor could get a grand jury to "indict a ham sandwich". It took prosecutors THREE Grand Juries to finally get an indictment for someone throwing that sandwich.
It's all a complete waste of time and taxpayer funds, and in any other point in history these prosecutors would have been fired immediately for incompetence at even considering an indictment in the first place, not even considering the possibility that they would try for three attempts.
They never got the indictment. The prosecutor had to downgrade the charges from a felony to a misdemeanor, which doesn’t have to go before a grand jury.
I didn't even realize that, last I had heard was them putting it before the third jury, and then that there was going to be a trial.
if a grand jury won't indict, doesn't double jeopardy apply? not a lawyer, just haven't dealt with this part of the process before
A grand jury is a sort of sanity check on a charge, and does not count towards the trial. It is basically "with these facts (provided only by the prosecution), is there enough probable cause to move a case to trial?". Double jeopardy in the 5th amendment has specific protections from going to trial multiple times or from getting multiple punishments for a crime.
Actually, it's even stupider than that I'm pretty sure, two grand juries refused to give them an indictment for a felony charge, so they brought a way less severe misdemeanor charge because you don't have to get a grand jury to sign off on those, and that's what we're wasting this time on
As it so happens, they can indict ham sandwiches, but not turkey subs. And I think this is arguably funnier.
I hope a news outlet has the boldness to run this story after one showing DHS brutality, including the taxpayer costs, and before one about SNAP, healthcare and the shutdown. This administration is well past the point of pissing on Americans while telling them it's raining.
Dear Lord don't you know this will lead to ICBMs! Intercontinental ballistic meatballs are nothing to be trifled with. Next they'll add mozzarella to them
Band name
It's just a shame it wasn't a lead sandwich traveling at 1500 fps
If it makes you feel any better, because of the shutdown, we aren't spending money on this. \s