Ask Lemmy
A Fediverse community for open-ended, thought provoking questions
Rules: (interactive)
1) Be nice and; have fun
Doxxing, trolling, sealioning, racism, toxicity and dog-whistling are not welcomed in AskLemmy. Remember what your mother said: if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. In addition, the site-wide Lemmy.world terms of service also apply here. Please familiarize yourself with them
2) All posts must end with a '?'
This is sort of like Jeopardy. Please phrase all post titles in the form of a proper question ending with ?
3) No spam
Please do not flood the community with nonsense. Actual suspected spammers will be banned on site. No astroturfing.
4) NSFW is okay, within reason
Just remember to tag posts with either a content warning or a [NSFW] tag. Overtly sexual posts are not allowed, please direct them to either !asklemmyafterdark@lemmy.world or !asklemmynsfw@lemmynsfw.com.
NSFW comments should be restricted to posts tagged [NSFW].
5) This is not a support community.
It is not a place for 'how do I?', type questions.
If you have any questions regarding the site itself or would like to report a community, please direct them to Lemmy.world Support or email info@lemmy.world. For other questions check our partnered communities list, or use the search function.
6) No US Politics.
Please don't post about current US Politics. If you need to do this, try !politicaldiscussion@lemmy.world or !askusa@discuss.online
Reminder: The terms of service apply here too.
Partnered Communities:
Logo design credit goes to: tubbadu
view the rest of the comments
Yes, but only because I’m trying to be more ethical about my porn consumption. I prefer to pay for videos directly from the actress and have found some great creators out there.
....
I hate how much sense this makes.
I'm stuck though. If you're following and paying specific people, doesn't that cross some fidelity boundary?
Not within my relationship, no. We talked about our boundaries and we’re both ok with the other having onlyfans accounts and such.
But we also are monogamish - we regularly invite thirds into our sex life and are more open than a strictly monogamous couple would be.
TIL monogamish = when youre not monogamous at all? You could just say poly instead lol
But we're not poly. We don't nurture relationships with other people. We're just open to having sex with others on occasion.
Dan Savage originally came up with the term "monogamish":
"Monogamish" is a relationship model coined by sex columnist Dan Savage to describe couples who are 90–95% monogamous but allow for occasional, agreed-upon outside sexual experiences.
I love Dan Savage. Savage Nation is an awesome column.
My favorite Dan Savage story is that time he offended a horse lover.
Huh.
So you're occasional unicorn wranglers, basically?
Hadn't heard of monogamish.
Yeah pretty much! Monogamish is just a fun word to describe being mostly monogamous with a little bit of extra sex lol
Kind of a long shot, but you have ever picked up a unicorn, at the Unicorn?
Been a while since I've been in Seattle, hah.
Hah while I've been lucky enough to have had drinks at the Unicorn, I didn't pick anyone up there! Mostly have met people through Feeld or friends of friends tbh.
Well I hadn't heard of Feeld either!
But if you ever do go back to the Unicorn...
Oh no.
I was gonna say you have to try the Deep Fried Snickers, but apparently I've been away from Seattle for longer than I realized... no longer on the menu =(
I’ve had a lot of success on feeld, both as a unicorn AND a unicorn “hunter”.
Damn, deep fried snickers sounds so good!
Personally, I would call this "mono-romantic & poly-sexual" to avoid any ambiguity. "Monogamish" is right up there with "heteroflexible" - useful in a pinch, but requires a conversation to clarify.
I don’t think our situation falls into poly-sexual since it’s usually one night stand type of situations though.
Monogamish fits my relationship and it’s been a term in use for decades at this point.
I'm polyamorous and none us three would do that. It's still a closed relationship - one night stands break that.
Y'all are definitely polysexual. It's just a semi-open type rather than fully open like swingers.
Isn't that an attraction to all genders? Why are you so hellbent on defining my relationship boundaries?
Last I checked that was pansexual. Idk where you got that definition though.
Just saying, the way you describe it comes off like the "no homo" guys is all 😅
I honestly just searched for it because I have never heard the term polysexual applied in this way. I also wasn't trying to imply that polyamorous people engage in one night stands and casual sex, either, but you read into that as well.
I'm bisexual, I've been involved in the kink, poly, and LGBT+ community in my area for a long time. I wasn't trying to "no homo" anything, I just prefer using the term monogamish to describe my current relationship because that describes it really well:
Fair enough, but to me that sounds like saying "i'm a vegan except when i eat meat" 😅
There's a lot of different relationship types out there. It's not the same as saying I'm a vegan except when I eat meat. That's like saying pescatarians are the same as vegans which are the same as meat eaters.
I've been in plenty of relationship models - poly, swingers, group sex, etc. There's distinct differences that should be respected in each.
Call me old fashioned but to me these kinds of details feel way too personal to use as outwardly defining properties of a relationship.
Like your arrangement, i'm pretty sure i would not communicate any of this to any person i don't want to hook up with.
What the fuck kind of business is it of anyone else? Why is it relevant to anyone who and how i am fucking?
It depends on your community. My friend group knows we're kind of open. My parents and family don't know anything about our sex life. It just depends.
We use these terms for relationships within the kink and poly communities to signal to each other what our relationship statuses are. It's not for the average person one runs into on the street.