the_dunk_tank

You left out the best part:

"In Cuba, we were upper-middle-class," Vivian said. "My grandfather was a bank vice president; my father worked for another bank and also wrote comedy sketches. We lived with extended family in a chic apartment. My sister and I had our own room; my brother had his own; we had a maid who lived in a small room behind the kitchen. She was a Spaniard and blind in one eye. I was a little scared of her."

Tbf, those children would not have had ice cream without Fidel. Particularly free ice cream. Getting ice cream to happen for everybody in Cuba was a huge endeavour for Castro, as he believed every person in Cuba deserved at least that luxury.

One day, my sister came home and exclaimed, 'Fidel is better than Jesus!' In school they had asked the kindergartners to close their eyes and pray to Jesus for ice cream. When they opened their eyes -- nothing. Then they closed their eyes again and prayed to Fidel for ice cream, and ... surprise! Ice cream cups on their desks!

Can't argue with those results

The Quorators got a partnership with Cracked for like 3 months then got fired for supporting Palestine and clogging the Cracked office’s toilet

evil dictators being notoriously spotty record-keepers

Ignore evil dictator Stalin's soviet archives

Fidel is better than Jesus!

Yes.

Ah Cracked, where Robert Fedvans cut his teeth before making it big as a podcaster grifting baby leftists.

Praying to Fidel works though, I prayed for him to persecute plantation owners and it came true

There was already a post about this

I see Robert Fedvans is back

wait, the music critic piero scaruffi? haven't heard that guy's name in years.

edit: looked him up, it seems like he writes about a lot more than just music, i guess he's a big time silicon valley head. back in the day people used to post about him a lot on music forums. the main thing i remember of his was a screed about how the beatles sucked and would not be remembered in the future, had a line basically saying that just because they were the most popular doesn't mean they were the best.

I remember seeing that Ice Cream thing in a really shitty anti communist PSA we watched on hextube lmao

Piero Scaruffi

Holy shit lmao that's a name I haven't thought of since like 2010. Old /mu/ heads might remember that

It works if you read it as 100% sarcasm

Way to stand up for the integrity of comedy, Vivian's dad! By contrast, we once got a sternly worded letter from a brand of laundry detergent and rolled over like a well-trained dog.

I never thought there'd be a Cracked article more obnoxious than their usual slop of "What if George Washington teamed up with freaking Batman!!!1 " but here we are

The fact that so many books still name the Beatles as "the greatest or most significant or most influential" rock band ever only tells you how far rock music still is from becoming a serious art. Jazz critics have long recognized that the greatest jazz musicians of all times are Duke Ellington and John Coltrane, who were not the most famous or richest or best sellers of their times, let alone of all times. Classical critics rank the highly controversial Beethoven over classical musicians who were highly popular in courts around Europe. Rock critics are still blinded by commercial success. The Beatles sold more than anyone else (not true, by the way), therefore they must have been the greatest. Jazz critics grow up listening to a lot of jazz music of the past, classical critics grow up listening to a lot of classical music of the past. Rock critics are often totally ignorant of the rock music of the past, they barely know the best sellers. No wonder they will think that the Beatles did anything worthy of being saved.

Whoa, I remember this site and article, both

Candy from Fidel

Wdym "like" US state department propaganda?