they don't have to wipe
this post was submitted on 07 Mar 2026
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They don't have doom to scroll
They can also just take a dump where ever they stand
I tend to wait till i can get to a restroom
Not dogs though. If they don't work hard to find the perfect pooping spot, they ain't pooping.
Obviously the perfect spot is the corner of the basement, back behind the clothes washing machine, as this is both safe from predators and far enough outside the living area to not spread disease. Unfortunately the humans do not allow this, so we must search daily for a new outdoor area which is suitable.
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I need more fiber in my diet :\
Be careful with that shit, it's powerful magic.
Nah, go hog wild on it. Eat an entire box of high fiber cereal and then go do naked jumping jacks.
Two to four words: sugarfree gummibears
There was a very unholy good review website about 15 years ago. The author had a lengthy and vivid description of their experiences after eating way too many of these. It was so disturbing, I never actually ate sugarfree gummies myself
Fiber regulates, sugar free... lets things free.
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Boss makes a dollar,
I make a dime.
12 seconds to shit?
Not near enough time.
Either you learn how to shit in 12 seconds, or AI will take shitting away from you. Sorry, that analology got away from me at the end.
I wonder if they’ll try to get away with bathroom cameras using AI because it’s not a person watching you
Don't you dare tell my boss that. Don't take my time away from me!!
I make a nickel Boss makes a dime I go poo poo On the company’s time
Given my numbers, the median must be like 0.12 seconds. If your legs aren't asleep by the time you finish, did you even poop?
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Tonight's news, Amazon limit on bathroom break for 12 seconds based on this study.
I always told my teachers that I'm way above average but they never believed me....
VINDICATION!!
Tell that to the dog named Oliver who lives with me...I swear that guy will take like 5 to 7 minutes some days...sheesh
My name is Constipation Georg and I live in a cave and take 12 hours to poop per day and I am an outlier and should not be counted in the averaged data
My name is Low Sleep Stress Coffee Cream Cheese Shit Hubert, and I live in a cave, and take 12 seconds to poop and 11 hours 59 minutes 48 seconds to wipe per working day and I am an outlier and should not be counted in the averaged data.
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Tell that to Ron from Accounting
Is it longer if there is a dog staring at them the whole time?
TIL I am an extreme outlier.
When everything is working as it should, it doesn't take me much longer. That's a rare day, though.
Today I learned that I am well above average.
I can do half by having dragon fruit last night. I swear that thing is an artifect of poop god.
It does have a lot of fiber but you also might be allergic to it.
https://open.substack.com/pub/naturespharmacy/p/does-yellow-dragon-fruit-cause-diarrhea
Yogi is not your average bear.
12 seconds? I struggle to finish in 12 minutes.
Damn IBS.
12 seconds to poop, sure, if you don't count all the time for bathroom clean up, a shower, laundry, etc...
I'm afraid to ask, but just how the fuck do you poop exactly? Do you helicopter poop it hippo style in the middle of the bathroom?
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You'll save a lot of laundry time if you pull your pants down before pooping.
I feel sorry for the person(s) that had to watch in order to know this.
Scientists get to choose what they study.
There are worse jobs in the world than watching wildlife poop
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TIL I’m an average mammal.
i'm just putting this out there, if you take too long to poop the toilet alligator gonna eat you
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Pooping itself might take 12 seconds, but if you consider that you have to go to the toilet in the first place, wipe the lid clean, sit down, relax enough to actually be able to poop, then poop, wipe, wipe again, wipe again, then wash hands ... it takes more like 5-15 minutes depending on what you ate yesterday.
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I'm pretty high above average then. 😤
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