this post was submitted on 13 Mar 2026
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Not The Onion

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[–] echodot@feddit.uk 4 points 4 hours ago

So are the bad guys also supposed to attend this training as well so everyone's on the same page? Like, what do they do with the other person has a gun, or is actually fighting to win rather than to be entertaining.

Might as well get Hugh Laurie to teach medical students.

[–] lechekaflan@lemmy.world 3 points 4 hours ago

Fucking banchode.

Didn't he recently defund and/or fire people whose job it was to keep an eye on domestic terrorism?

[–] PDFuego@lemmy.world 25 points 20 hours ago (1 children)

Train them to... what? Get their shins instantly broken by someone with capped boots and realise real fights don't have rules like UFC does? Cops have guns and tasers and stuff because they've already learned this won't work.

[–] Stern@lemmy.world 2 points 5 hours ago

"Oh no when I put one guy in a guillotine choke his three buddies left boot imprints in my skull who could have seen that coming except everyone???"

[–] FlashMobOfOne@lemmy.world 95 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I hate that our country is run by the dumbest people and they're also massive douche bags.

[–] scarabic@lemmy.world 10 points 23 hours ago (2 children)

Run for office! I finally know someone who decided they’d had enough and are just going for it.

[–] SailorFuzz@lemmy.world 1 points 4 hours ago

here's the problem with that..... the salary for most offices is abysmally small. Like, poverty line. So, who can afford to run for office? People who already have wealth and a safe income. You can't just quit your job to run for local office when it pays $15K yearly.

[–] echodot@feddit.uk 1 points 4 hours ago

Yes in a few countries that's a good idea, although in the US with all its legalised bribery and regulatory capture I don't know if there's much point.

[–] pulsewidth@lemmy.world 138 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Kash Patel is a UFC fanboy.

Just like everyone else on the admin payroll, he is just using the position as his personal entertainment budget and holiday fund

Next he'll pay George Lucas to come visit him to "advise on Star Wars defence systems" while he gets his collectibles signed.

[–] givesomefucks@lemmy.world 25 points 1 day ago (4 children)

It's fucking wild that right after attacking the largest support of global terrorism, they're holding this event at the WH and you know security will be a shitshow.

I'll be shocked if it's not attacked

[–] pulsewidth@lemmy.world 1 points 4 hours ago (1 children)

Don't give me hope bro I'm a recovering optimist.

[–] givesomefucks@lemmy.world 1 points 3 hours ago

It ain't hope, it's the most likely result.

I'm pretty good at risk assessment, and the clown show trump has running the FBI can only "stop" the attacks they plan like they guy on the terrorist list they let in just so they could have a CI frame him for an assanaition plot

[–] AnchoriteMagus@lemmy.world 5 points 1 day ago

All we need is one Secret Service agent or Marine guard with a conscience and nothing to lose.

[–] Jhex@lemmy.world 6 points 1 day ago (1 children)

…and how about the soccer world cqp this Summer?

[–] dhork@lemmy.world 14 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I'm kind of hoping the rest of the world wakes up and realizes that sending teams to the US to compete right now us just as bad as sending teams to Russia. The world should boycott it, and let the US claim its trophy after the Saudis field the only other team.

[–] Jhex@lemmy.world 11 points 1 day ago

and the cherry on top would be FIFA losing their pants on this WC after boot licking the rapist pedophile so hard

[–] surewhynotlem@lemmy.world 4 points 1 day ago

right after attacking the largest support of global terrorism

We shot ourselves? Surely that was by accident.

[–] LincolnsDogFido@lemmy.zip 9 points 1 day ago (1 children)

That's already happened. Ronald Reagan was a big fan of SciFi and created a think tank of SciFi authors to advise him on potential threats of the future.

[–] pulsewidth@lemmy.world 1 points 4 hours ago

Lol, amazing. I shouldn't be surprised

[–] phutatorius@lemmy.zip 62 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (4 children)

I've had MMA-trained dickheads have a go at me. I was working as a roadie, driving a van and loading equipment after club closing. That's a job where you're constantly surrounded by coked-up drunks who've just left the club at 2 AM and now they're hanging around the backdoor. And being asked to please not sit in the open back doorway of the van while I'm trying to move a massive speaker cabinet into it seems to be interpreted by some knobheads as an invitation to fight. It's not that, I just want to haul the equipment back to the lockup so I can go home. I always ask nicely, but that's lost on people full of alcohol and Charlie Sheen.

Guess what? The ground game's different when you land on tarmac instead of a mat and someone then grinds your face into it.

And you're not going to be paying attention to getting your chokehold set up when someone's got a thumb in your eye and the other hand crushing your nutscack. And with street situations, you don't know how many opponents there are (I wasn't the only person in the crew), you're not matched by weight class or experience (I'm not a small guy and trained hard for a few decades), and (unlike any form of MMA) there really are no rules. Well, I have one rule: a fair fight is one in which I don't get hurt.

So hopefully this training will make these goons more inclined to do things that will get them into trouble, instead of just roughing up civilians.

[–] Krauerking@lemy.lol 37 points 1 day ago

Fights are are much more winnable when you treat them like an actual fight rather than the "manospheres" angry peacocking.

[–] dukeofdummies@lemmy.world 10 points 1 day ago

Yeah anyone who knows anything about actual self defense fighting in my experience always pushes avoid and run more than anything else.

Getting stabbed sucks, even if you win the fight.

All I am imagining is an FBI agent getting shot while scooting around on their butts trying to get someone to close with them.

[–] OctopusNemeses@lemmy.world 1 points 23 hours ago

Most people don't have a clue about fighting. Any training will do against an average person just as well as someone with real life fighting experience can beat someone who has only practiced it.

The reality is that what they're doing is creating more paramilitary goons to beat up civilians.

[–] scarabic@lemmy.world 16 points 23 hours ago (1 children)

Don’t we have any fucking work to do in this country? The childlike carelessness of this administration is horrifying.

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 1 points 19 hours ago

President put everyone out of work so no not really.

[–] entropiclyclaude@lemmy.wtf 11 points 22 hours ago
[–] Danarchy@lemmy.nz 5 points 19 hours ago

Is this some sort of mog or jestergoon?

[–] FreddiesLantern@leminal.space 16 points 1 day ago

I mean, I get it, Steven Seagal isn’t available because he’s playing grab-ass with Jcvd in Russia.

You make due with with what you got.

[–] eightpix@lemmy.world 26 points 1 day ago (3 children)

Um... has this series jumped the shark yet?

[–] darkdemize@sh.itjust.works 11 points 1 day ago

Back in 2016, if not before.

[–] phutatorius@lemmy.zip 3 points 1 day ago

Some of them are going to jump the shank. That'll hurt more than a rubber shark.

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[–] foggy@lemmy.world 12 points 1 day ago

😂

Gonna feel like make a wish foundation at those trainings.

[–] Steve@communick.news 15 points 1 day ago

There are subsets of BJJ created specifically to help law enforcement subdue and cuff a suspect. But that's not what MMA fighters know. It's substantially different.

[–] expatriado@lemmy.world 17 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Patel is the kind of guest Rogan would have and be called a genius

[–] eddie@feddit.online 17 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Patel is the kind of guest that did go on Rogan and completely contradict everything he said before he was elected to public office 🤪

[–] helvetpuli@sopuli.xyz 14 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] eddie@feddit.online 4 points 1 day ago

thank you i am a stupid american

[–] FuglyDuck@lemmy.world 13 points 1 day ago

Lots of FBI agents gonna get their balls kicked in.

I’m surprisingly okay with that.

(Groin shots in UFC are illegal so they tend not to defend against them as well as one should in actual combat. This is the difference between combat sports and life-and-death combat.)

[–] etherphon@piefed.world 12 points 1 day ago

Taxpayer money going to the UFC, historic opportunity to waste a bunch of fucking money, assholes.

[–] dual_sport_dork@lemmy.world 12 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Oh, please please please please drop your gun and go fisticuffs with me thinking you're some kind of tough guy. I fucking dare you.

[–] Hideakikarate@sh.itjust.works 5 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (2 children)

I wouldn't want to get anywhere close to you. I've seen the kind of knives you buy. You'll be throwing out more blades than Gilgamesh.

[–] Postingllamas@lemmy.world 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Is that a Fate/ series ref in the wild?

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[–] 20cello@lemmy.world 8 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Chuck Norris was busy,that's why they asked ufc

I remember a Steven Segal joke about this, can't remember where

[–] anon6789@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago

Lol, I'm just picturing a bunch of middle-aged guys throwing their backs out trying to suplex each other.

As ridiculous as everything with this guy is, going on free dates with his girlfriend and sending himself to a different sports fantasy camp every week is seeming much less damaging than what a lot of other cronies have been up to. I'll take funding a manchild's excursions over a pointless war any day.

Send him up in one of Elon's rockets next for his space camp adventure!

[–] VicksVaporBBQrub@sh.itjust.works 3 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

FBI future foot pursuits...
"Agent Silva! The suspect went over the west corner Burger King wall towards the freeway!"

Agent Silva: . . .

"Sir, he's getting away! Silva!! Agent Silva!! C'mon man."

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