this post was submitted on 19 Aug 2026
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


Rules:

1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

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2. No Illegal Content


Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.

That means:

-No promoting violence/threats against any individuals

-No CSA content or Revenge Porn

-No sharing private/personal information (Doxxing)

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3. No Spam


Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.

-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.

-Do not spam posts with intent to harass, annoy, bully, advertise, scam or harm this community.

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-Do not post explicit content. Lemmy.World is not the instance for NSFW content.

-Do not post Gore or Shock Content.

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-No content that harasses members within or outside of the community.

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6. NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.


-Content that is NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.

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If you see content that is a breach of the rules, please flag and report the comment and a moderator will take action where they can.


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[–] custard_swollower@lemmy.world 120 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

I did play a NSFW game, and I would say I would be pretty awesomely fucked.

[–] InGodWeThrust@quokk.au 21 points 2 weeks ago

Aren't you glad you didn't play Leisure suit Larry?

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[–] Captain_Baka@feddit.org 69 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (6 children)

Cyberpunk 2077. No matter what I do, I'm toast. Just like me in real life.

[–] AnIntenseMoist@lemmy.world 27 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

Just don't meet Hanako and you'll be fine

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[–] TabbsTheBat@pawb.social 61 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Steve I guess? Unless it's my own minecraft skin :3 either way if we take the feats the minecraft character is capable at face value..

[–] Postmortal_Pop@lemmy.world 11 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

I made my own skin back in highschool based off of a pirate skeleton and a Thuamcraft skin that were pretty popular on planet minecraft. I've been running as that thaum lich as long as I've been using Postmortal_Pop. Arguably those are more lasting an identity than my real name and body.

I wouldn't mind being that dusty old lich.

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[–] webghost0101@sopuli.xyz 41 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

Edit: i just realised you wake up in the body, not the world. Too bad, i put to much effort in it now.

How am i going to play Minecraft without fingers?

[–] ramasses@social.ozymandias.club 33 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)

Factorio....... I am immortal. I can build nukes with my hands and my raw might can construct nuclear reactors.

[–] Mitchie151@lemmy.world 11 points 2 weeks ago

This raises questions, we wake up in the engineers body but do we have his mind? Are we just going to be obliterated by biters? Maybe we can even progress to the point where we are generating the pollution needed to cause any issues if we keep our distance?

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[–] davad@lemmy.world 26 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Helldivers 2. I'm in trouble. But at least it won't last long.

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[–] justdaveisfine@piefed.social 25 points 2 weeks ago

Monster Hunter World.

First thing I'd do is head directly to the canteen and get something served by those cat chefs, because that food looks insanely delicious.

[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 22 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (2 children)

The name's V.

So uh, totally awesome and also, completely fucked.

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[–] fitjazz@sh.itjust.works 21 points 2 weeks ago

Everybody is going to be really confused by the fact that Tony Hawk can’t skateboard for shit anymore.

[–] SatansDaughter@quokk.au 19 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

I can now finally dash in eight directions, they told me this would happen if I transitioned

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[–] harambe69@lemmy.dbzer0.com 18 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Factorio engineer.

The factory must grow.

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[–] W98BSoD@lemmy.dbzer0.com 17 points 2 weeks ago
[–] Korne127@lemmy.world 17 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] dejected_warp_core@lemmy.world 9 points 2 weeks ago

Good news is: you're now functionally immortal.

Bad news is: everything tastes like metal.

[–] serpineslair@lemmy.world 16 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

Minecraft. A simple life, if a dangerous one. I'd see it as an upgrade tbh.

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[–] otacon239@lemmy.world 15 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Elite Dangerous. I should be fine as long as I stick to trading common materials. I’m screwed if I get caught by a pirate though.

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[–] Kn1ghtDigital@lemmy.zip 15 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Helldivers. My lifespan is measured in minutes

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[–] Dookieman12@piefed.social 14 points 2 weeks ago

Commando, Risk of Rain 2. Canonically, I'm trapped in a simulacrum of Petrichor, a planet inhabited by creatures who regard me as an invader. Even though I can "escape" and make my way back to Earth, every time I die (no matter where or how), I awaken back in my escape pod, crash-landing on Petrichor.

I can pretty consistently get the ending where Commando escapes, so I guess my strat is to escape to Earth and enjoy the simulacrum for as long as I can before dying again. Canonically, this happens at least once, so there's no reason it couldn't be done repeatedly. Perhaps not the most fulfilling existence, but the best that can be achieved under the circumstances, I think.

The alternative is to obliterate myself in a portal or be killed by the denizens of Petrichor and start over again anyway. May as well have a few years of "peace" and "happiness" between spawns.

[–] HexesofVexes@lemmy.world 14 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Project zomboid with 200% zombie spawn...

Guessing a survival time of approx 10 mins?

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[–] virku@lemmy.world 13 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (5 children)

Noita. I'm either dead almost instantly, or might be lucky and end up as powerful as a god. I usually die within the first 5 minutes, so my hopes are low. I am also more than likely to see my demise by blowing myself up.

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[–] thisbenzingring@lemmy.today 12 points 2 weeks ago (6 children)

Satisfactory....

that bitch AI aint going anywhere! I'll keep that last part until she agrees to take me with her and those alien AI's

DON'T LEAVE ME WITH THESE FUCKING SPIDERS

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[–] Hossenfeffer@feddit.uk 12 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Disco Elysium. Fucked... far and near, far and wide, from end to end, from start to finish, from the word go... fucked. Fully fucked.

[–] UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 9 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

No. This is somewhere to be. This is all you have, but it's still something. Streets and sodium lights. The sky, the world. You're still alive.

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[–] toxoplasma0gondii@feddit.org 12 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Stardew Valley for me. Need a vacay anyway <3

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[–] MrScottyTay@sh.itjust.works 12 points 2 weeks ago (5 children)

I'd be V in Cyberpunk. I'm fucked.

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[–] db2@lemmy.world 12 points 2 weeks ago
[–] MajesticTechie@feddit.uk 11 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Red Dead Redemption 2. God damn it.

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[–] Sv443@sh.itjust.works 11 points 2 weeks ago

Project Zomboid..... I'll just drink the bleach instead of going through that.

[–] tkk13909@sopuli.xyz 11 points 2 weeks ago

The engineer from Factorio? I think I'm doing ok

[–] Zacryon@feddit.org 10 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

No Man's Sky. Casually travelling through a universe with over 18 quintillion planets sounds awesome.

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[–] tigeruppercut@lemmy.zip 10 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)
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[–] khanh@lemmy.zip 10 points 2 weeks ago

osu!... so i become an anime girl? fuck yeah

[–] shittydwarf@piefed.ca 10 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

Eve online.. I'm an effectively immortal capsuleer, so I got that going for me

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[–] TheRealKuni@piefed.social 10 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

Forza Horizon 6. I’m…absurdly wealthy and have multiple homes and like 260 cars, several of which are worth millions of dollars. Oh and I’m a KICKASS driver who can somehow rewind time when he fucks up.

AND I’M IN JAPAN.

Life is good.

Edit: BUT…my beard is gone, because apparently facial hair doesn’t exist in the world of Forza Horizon. 😢

[–] jxk@sh.itjust.works 10 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Does Chess count?

I'm a Queen now

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[–] tired_n_bored@lemmy.world 10 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)
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[–] SkunkWorkz@lemmy.world 9 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

it's day 54. I'm going insane. These weird looking anthropomorphic animals. They constantly talk gibberish, yet they can write letters in proper English. A raccoon gave me a tent to sleep in yet there is no toilet, no shower, not even a kitchen, but now I owe him 100k in bells whatever that is. There are no other people here. I tried to leave by train but i keep ending up at a different village that is almost exactly the same as mine, same creepy animals, same houses. There is always one human in each village, but I don't think they have a soul. They don't even talk, they are just dead behind their creepy smiles. Will I end up like them? This owl wants me to find bugs and fossils I think, it's the only thing that is keeping me distracted while I plot my escape.

[–] EmpathicVagrant@lemmy.world 9 points 2 weeks ago

I’m a Tenno, good luck everybody else!

[–] sudochown@programming.dev 9 points 2 weeks ago

Disco Elysium. Pretty fucked

[–] itsjustachairmary@lemmy.world 9 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Cyberpunk 2077. V is sooooo fucked holy shit.

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[–] Vandalismo@lemmy.world 9 points 2 weeks ago

There is no bad side of being the Dragonborn

[–] Nyadia@lemmy.blahaj.zone 9 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I've been playing Gran Turismo 3 so I guess I'm invisible and drive a Miata very poorly?

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[–] Console_Modder@sh.itjust.works 9 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)
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[–] Bruncvik@lemmy.world 9 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

X-Com: Terror from the Deep. Life expectancy of a Russian soldier in Ukraine.

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[–] TigerAce@lemmy.dbzer0.com 9 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Disco Elysium: I'm hungover, I threaten to kill myself for information, I don't remember anything from last night. I'm doing fine.

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[–] epicstove@lemmy.ca 9 points 2 weeks ago

Animal crossing, fuck yeah!

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