this post was submitted on 23 Aug 2026
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] Gullible@sh.itjust.works 103 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

>be me
>be not gay
>having sex with my loving husband of 15 years
>I identify as a cis male
>our penises touch when I slip out of his asshole on a slow thrust
>we lock eyes
>I say no homo
>he doesn’t reciprocate
>ejaculates as he continues silently staring into my eyes
>I pull out and exhaustedly crawl to the bathroom to think things through and remove a meter of silicon
>can feel his eyes scanning me without even turning around

Bros, I don’t know what to do. Should I tell our kids?

[–] Olhonestjim@lemmy.world 24 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

Remove a meter of silicon?

[–] Gullible@sh.itjust.works 15 points 2 weeks ago

Exaggerated butt stuff

[–] Limonene@lemmy.world 14 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

silicon_crystal_boule.jpeg

[–] mnemonicmonkeys@sh.itjust.works 2 points 2 weeks ago

Anon had a really long dildo

[–] Apytele@sh.itjust.works 87 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Or, hear me out, sometimes dudes are bi.

[–] schipelblorp@sh.itjust.works 11 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)

What are people's opinion on the downlow thing, otherwise straight men that just have furtive sex with other men, but never a relationship? Denial? Indiscriminate horniness?

[–] jaycifer@lemmy.world 35 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] schipelblorp@sh.itjust.works 13 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)
[–] PartyAt15thAndSummit@lemmy.zip 4 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

“heteroromantic bisexual” can also refer to someone who is sexually attracted to any gender (male, female, non-binary, agender, genderqueer)

Wouldn't that be "heteroromantic pansexual" then?

[–] festnt@sh.itjust.works 5 points 2 weeks ago

afaik pan and bi are the same, with the difference being preference

[–] schipelblorp@sh.itjust.works 2 points 2 weeks ago

Yes, if you're not into the whole paucity of vocabulary thing, that would be a better term.

[–] Forester@pawb.social 3 points 2 weeks ago

That's called heteroromantic and bisexual

[–] TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 3 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

all of the above.

sometimes a hole is just a hole.

[–] schipelblorp@sh.itjust.works 3 points 1 week ago

sometimes a hole is just a hole.

I appreciate an explanation that doesn't include learning new vocabulary.

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[–] Ypsilenna@lemmy.zip 85 points 2 weeks ago

I knew exactly where it was going the second I read the first sentence, lol

[–] KoalaUnknown@lemmy.world 78 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)
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[–] Sonotsugipaa@lemmy.dbzer0.com 75 points 2 weeks ago

fake: anon has a wholesome friendship
gay: ... I'm not too sure actually, I'll need some help on this one

[–] aldhissla@piefed.world 62 points 2 weeks ago (5 children)

Here's my biggest pet peeve (relevant to the scenario): the cancelling of bi-folk. There is a forced dichotomy of men being either hetero- or homosexual, with homoerotic choices somehow automatically negating all heteroerotic choices by framing them as perfidy (i.e. pretending to be heterosexual to pass in society).

Freddie Mercury was bi. NOT GAY. Bi. I have no issue with gays revering him. I do have issues with gays trying to deny his heteroromantic side (see Mary Austin).

Rant over.

[–] Bristlecone@lemmy.world 16 points 2 weeks ago

Least represented group of lgbt, but probably the largest. People love binary things

[–] Krejga@lemmy.dbzer0.com 10 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I always felt that it's just homophobia. The heteroerotic choices of bisexuals are disregarded because of the lost purity of being considered 'straight'. You can have heterosexual preferences but according to heteronormative society you fit outside this group. It will take time for Bisexuality to be better understood by society and for bisexuals to fully be seen as a distinct group

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[–] Malyca@lemmy.zip 7 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] HoopyFrood@lemmy.zip 7 points 2 weeks ago

There was no denial that Freddy Mercury engaged in sexual relationships with men, but those relationships should not delegitimize or downplay his relationships with women by insinuating that any relations with a man make him gay and only engaging with women to fit in.

[–] HerbGrower@slrpnk.net 6 points 2 weeks ago

Society views bisexual men as secretly gay, and women as secretly straight.

[–] Boozilla@sh.itjust.works 5 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

My nonexpert understanding is, few people are 100% straight or 100% gay. And it can shift over time, too.

There's so much defensive BS around what people are into / aroused by. I'm not saying everyone should share everything to everyone all the time. But I really wish folks would be less fearful about what they like.

As long as you aren't attracted to kids, corpses, or animals, I think everything else is probably OK. Even couches, if that's your thing.

[–] TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 1 points 1 week ago

what if i'm attracted to dead baby birds?

[–] DerEnder@lemmus.org 51 points 2 weeks ago
[–] Ekybio@lemmy.world 44 points 2 weeks ago

Guy is Homiesexual

[–] SuDmit@lemmy.blahaj.zone 37 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] antonim@lemmy.world 21 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

I already know how sunsets look, yet I can look and marvel at them on every evening.

[–] SuDmit@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

Yeah, absolutely. I usually get to see them once a week or rarer, so beautiful sometimes. Sadly phone camera does not capture them well enough. Still, seen them!

I've just seen same joke in the past and liked it, decided to do it here. Though I see more generalized versions of the same in the comments too. Efficiency.

Seen replies about bi-erasure and homophobia... Yeah... Not that funny now.

[–] TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 1 points 1 week ago (2 children)

sounds like you are bi but in denial of it.

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[–] someguy3@lemmy.world 32 points 2 weeks ago

Fake: Didn't say "no homo".

Gay: Didn't say "no homo".

[–] devaly@ani.social 29 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

maybe Anon is just starving for any non-animal sexual relationship

[–] Cethin@lemmy.zip 9 points 2 weeks ago

Humans are animals, but I get your point.

[–] Shirow@lemmy.zip 24 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Now I want pizza and yuri :3

[–] kivihiili@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

if this is about girls love in general then hell yeah!! you should absolutely get some pizza and some girl(s) and go at it as soon as is practical.

if this is an attempt to flirt with us over the web, we don't do that stuff. thank you for your understanding (^o^)

[–] Shirow@lemmy.zip 3 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

No it wasn't an attempt to flirt. Sorry for the misunderstanding.

It was meant as girls love in general :3

[–] kivihiili@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

haha no worries, thank you for clarifying.

funnily enough lines based on the form of "would you like to make the yuri version of [something] a reality?" work surprisingly well for getting with other girls, both in our experiences and those of friends. use that information as you will x3

[–] Varesti@lemmy.zip 16 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

What kind of pizza was it?

[–] SkaveRat@discuss.tchncs.de 19 points 2 weeks ago
[–] tetris11@feddit.uk 15 points 2 weeks ago
[–] hanrahan@slrpnk.net 4 points 2 weeks ago

anaon is not gay, so pineapple.

[–] onionsinmypores@sh.itjust.works 16 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

It's really challenging when the post starts out with a declaration of not being gay, proceeds to describe activities which might potentially be gay, and then ends with a redeclaration of anon being not gay.

maybe it is fake, but is anon gay or no???

[–] LH0ezVT@sh.itjust.works 6 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Might be potentially gay?! Idk, a man having romantic sex with another man is pretty much the definition of gay, if you ask me. Doesn't get much gayer.

[–] onionsinmypores@sh.itjust.works 5 points 2 weeks ago

But since anon already stated them being non-gay, shouldn't we judge the activities in a non-gay context?

[–] chrislowles@lemmy.zip 13 points 2 weeks ago
[–] echodot@feddit.uk 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Refused to believe that even green texters are that unaware. If it were just writing about the realisation about their sexuality whatever, but to end it with "I'm not homosexual" is just unrealistic.

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[–] Honytawk@discuss.tchncs.de 3 points 1 week ago (2 children)

A paradox!

This is either fake or gay, but it can not be both even though it is a green text.

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