this post was submitted on 07 May 2024
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badposting

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badposting is a comm where you post badly


This is not a !the_dunk_tank@hexbear.net alternative. This is not a !memes@hexbear.net alternative. This is a place for you to post your bad posts.

Ever had a really shitty bit idea? Joke you want to take way past the point of where it was funny? Want to feel like a stand-up comedy guy who's been bombing a set for the past 30 minutes straight and at this point is just saying shit to see if people react to it? Really bad pun? A homemade cringe concoction? A cognitohazard that you have birthed into this world and have an urge to spread like chain mail?


Rules:

  1. Do not post good posts.
    • Unauthorized goodposting is to be punished in the manner of commenting the phrase "GOOD post" followed by an emoji that has not yet been used in the thread
    • Use an emoticon/kaomoji/rule-three-abiding ASCII art if the rations run out
  2. This is not a comm where you direct people to other people's bad posts. This is a comm where you post badly.
  3. This rule intentionally left blank.
  4. If you're struck for rule 3, skill issue, not allowed to complain about it.

Code of Conduct applies just as much here as it does everywhere else. Technically, CoC violations are bad posts. On the other hand: L + ratio + get ~~better~~ worse material bozo

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[–] RION@hexbear.net 17 points 1 year ago

nerd actually the testicles explode, the penis is merely torn off and remains in the queen bee

[–] red_stapler@hexbear.net 15 points 1 year ago (2 children)

That would make it real easy for the volcel police to round up offenders.

[–] kleeon@hexbear.net 10 points 1 year ago (1 children)

It's like that system in chicago for triangulating gunshots, except for exploding dicks

[–] bleepbloopbop@hexbear.net 5 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

oh that's all over the US

(also fun fact its effectiveness at all is highly questionable and they literally only put the sensors in nonwhite, overpoliced neighborhoods so no chance of alarms that don't correspond to us-foreign-policy )

https://flo.uri.sh/visualisation/16818696/embed Check out a city you're familiar with here.

[–] VOLCEL_POLICE@hexbear.net 7 points 1 year ago

The VOLCEL POLICE are on the scene! PLEASE KEEP YOUR VITAL ESSENCES TO YOURSELVES AT ALL TIMES.

نحن شرطة VolCel.بناءا على تعليمات الهيئة لترويج لألعاب الفيديو و النهي عن الجنس نرجوا الإبتعاد عن أي أفكار جنسية و الحفاظ على حيواناتكم المنويَّة حتى يوم الحساب. اتقوا الله، إنك لا تراه لكنه يراك.

volcel-police

[–] citrussy_capybara@hexbear.net 15 points 1 year ago

“for some guys, you know, when they make it move, it gets all big and hard like a big pimple and then it pops”

[–] SorosFootSoldier@hexbear.net 14 points 1 year ago

Oh no my beanis! explosion

[–] Infamousblt@hexbear.net 12 points 1 year ago
[–] DirtyPair@hexbear.net 12 points 1 year ago

im gonna sound absurd here but that would kinda rock

[–] Comp4@hexbear.net 12 points 1 year ago

google how to delete someonelses post

[–] FlakesBongler@hexbear.net 10 points 1 year ago

I'd bee fine with it

[–] Poogona@hexbear.net 9 points 1 year ago

what if humans were like bees and they liked to play with rubber balls and like roll around with em and stuff

[–] Zrc@hexbear.net 9 points 1 year ago

wait this isn't normal??

[–] CthulhusIntern@hexbear.net 9 points 1 year ago (1 children)

What if a penis made a cartoon "boi-oi-oing" sound effect whenever it had an erection?

[–] sir_this_is_a_wendys@hexbear.net 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] axont@hexbear.net 8 points 1 year ago (2 children)

What if humans were like spiders where 90% of intercourse was gay

[–] oscardejarjayes@hexbear.net 9 points 1 year ago

pretty sure it's already like that, for the cool people at least

[–] SpiderFarmer@hexbear.net 4 points 1 year ago

Spider sex is wild. Most of them basically fist before breaking their hands off.

[–] Alaskaball@hexbear.net 8 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Wait what? They do that?

Whole new meaning to busting a nut

[–] joaomarrom@hexbear.net 8 points 1 year ago

bursting a nut

[–] ChaosMaterialist@hexbear.net 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] SSJ2Marx@hexbear.net 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

You mean you don't want to latch on to a giant woman and slowly shrink into nothing more than a pair of testicles that she uses to fertilize her eggs?

[–] ChaosMaterialist@hexbear.net 3 points 1 year ago

I have no mouth and I must kiss! no-mouth-must-scream

[–] Rom@hexbear.net 6 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

What if every time you had sex your penis exploded

But then you regrow a new penis

And the longer you go without having sex the bigger your penis gets

Then you would be all "haha look at this loser with the big pee pee they haven't had sex in a long time farquaad-point"

[–] ChaosMaterialist@hexbear.net 3 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

This setup has so much potential I must turn myself in now volcel-judge

[–] bunnygirl@hexbear.net 5 points 1 year ago

babe new bottom surgery dropped

[–] Skeleton_Erisma@hexbear.net 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Ayo fart owl

What do you call legumes made of denim?

jeans

[–] someone@hexbear.net 5 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

I now have an idea for a performance-art piece involving dildos and fireworks.

Better yet, penis silicone molds. That would make the project way cheaper and allow for easy embedding of the fireworks.

Update, I found the right kinds of silicone molds. Life-size veiny ones suitable for either making ice dildos (intended for cooling drinks) or for chocolate/gummy/candy making. I feel like I could do something cheap with plain old food colouring and gelatin. I might use really low-power fireworks so that only the tip explodes as an artistic statement. Or maybe those sparklers-on-a-stick. So many ideas are flowing now.

[–] RyanGosling@hexbear.net 3 points 1 year ago

Sometimes I think about what if genitals were in other locations of the body but still regarded as private. Like would we be wearing a garment our forehead if there was a dick sticking out like a unicorn?

bet it feels good af though

[–] GinAndJuche@hexbear.net 2 points 1 year ago

Hey Lois, remember that time we tried to open a fireworks and sounding rod emporium?