this post was submitted on 21 Jul 2025
288 points (96.8% liked)

Not The Onion

17275 readers
2023 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 

"The Washington "Whatever's" should IMMEDIATELY change their name back to the Washington Redskins Football Team. There is a big clamoring for this," Mr. Trump wrote.

Hours later, Mr. Trump said he "may put a restriction on them that if they don't change the name back to the original 'Washington Redskins,' and get rid of the ridiculous moniker, 'Washington Commanders,' I won't make a deal for them to build a Stadium in Washington."

top 45 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] Stern@lemmy.world 19 points 5 hours ago

Considering they lost the trademark and lost massive amounts of sponsorships, it doesn't make fiscal sense to go back.

It’d be really funny if the team just went “no” and then packed up and moved somewhere else

[–] SapphironZA@sh.itjust.works 18 points 6 hours ago

Washington orange skin pedophiles.

[–] brezel@piefed.social 25 points 7 hours ago (1 children)

i wonder when and if the US will become a democracy where not 1 person can dictate absolutely everything. you know, like in north korea.

[–] Spacehooks@reddthat.com 3 points 5 hours ago

Managed democracy

[–] barnaclebutt@lemmy.world 43 points 11 hours ago* (last edited 10 hours ago)

In the confusion, the Commanders decided to change their name to the Washington Epsteins because they knew that Trump was only happy around his late best friend Jeffy Epstein.

[–] lemmydividebyzero@reddthat.com 3 points 6 hours ago

The cultural revolution....

[–] RunningInRVA@lemmy.world 87 points 13 hours ago (1 children)

This is the small government conservatives have been dreaming of.

[–] MummifiedClient5000@feddit.dk 1 points 43 minutes ago

Can't get much smaller than just the one senile, easily-bribed pedophile rapist. Touché.

[–] altkey@lemmy.dbzer0.com 35 points 12 hours ago* (last edited 11 hours ago)

Orange-painted childfucker took it personally.

[–] bytesonbike@discuss.online 181 points 15 hours ago (3 children)

He's trying so hard to pivot off the Epstein files.

[–] Bluefalcon@discuss.tchncs.de 41 points 14 hours ago* (last edited 14 hours ago)

Maybe everyone should remember why they changed.

Dan Synder sexually harrassed and discriminated against the cheerleaders and other female staff. He would make his cheerleaders rub up and ask them to fuck his buddies. A real piece of shit!

Like most of the NFL owners, he got away with it. Just paid them off. Trump's kind of people.

Everytime Trump tries to misdirect people, it leads to other rapist. He can't get away from them.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Daniel_Snyder

[–] givesomefucks@lemmy.world 52 points 15 hours ago

Just said that in a thread about the plastic straw thing...

We're going to see a flurry of shit because they're desperate to change the topic to anything.

He might go real crazy and legalize weed or something too, something that regardless of anything else can be spun as a "win" to the population at large.

[–] jaybone@lemmy.zip 4 points 13 hours ago

Yeah just the other day he was asked about this football team name. And he was like “eh I don’t recall care.”

Now he has an opinion.

[–] crank0271@lemmy.world 91 points 15 hours ago (2 children)

I would love to go see the New York Giants play the Washington Epstein Papers

[–] ToastedRavioli@midwest.social 16 points 11 hours ago

The Washington Didnt Kill Himselfs

[–] floop@lemmy.dbzer0.com 18 points 15 hours ago

The press office for the Washington Commanders should totally post something like this on Twitter.

[–] Wazowski@lemmy.world 59 points 15 hours ago

That’s cool n shit but he raped kids.

[–] Peasley@lemmy.world 56 points 15 hours ago (8 children)

I really liked when they were "Washington Football Team" for a season. Now that's a name i can root for

GO FOOTBALL TEAM!

If Washington is supposed to be the capital of the U.S., Red White and Blue makes sense to be their colors. The Washington Sentinels had it right.

[–] WhatAmLemmy@lemmy.world 22 points 15 hours ago

I vote "The Washington Sportsballs"

[–] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 13 points 15 hours ago (3 children)

I'm from Cleveland. We had the "Cleveland Indians".

Now we have the "Cleveland Guardians".

There was a period where they announced the name change coming up, but hadn't decided on a name.

I was like "PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not be the Cleveland Rockers".

But some people were calling for the Cleveland Spiders.

And I saw one person who wanted the "Cleveland Municipal Baseball Team". Or the Muni's for short.

I said "As much as I hate the Rockers, or the Spiders, the Cleveland Municipal Baseball Team might just be the most boring team name I've ever heard.

Me personally? I wanted the team to buy a local radio station. 100.7 WMMS. The Buzzard. They even have a kickass buzzard mascot that dates back to the 1970s. It's something that would be old, but also new. I'd be able to get behind replacing Chief Wahoo with this face. And 100.7 is already where they broadcast Indians/Guards games anyways. Could have rebranded as The Cleveland Buzzards. And since they own the radio station, their jersys/logos would have been local advertising for the radio station which plays rock.

Used to be a cool radio station, but like all other radio, iheartmedia swooped in, bought it, and stripped out all identity, stripped out the on site DJs, and replaced it all with a national playlist. Which plays the same songs, and the same commercials at the same times.

This used to be rock and roll, do cocaine on the air and rock out all night! Now it's corporate bullshit with a nostolgic logo preserving the hollowed out husk of a corpse of what used to be great radio.

......oh, right. We were talking about trump, and I went on a rant.

[–] whoisearth@lemmy.ca 3 points 5 hours ago (2 children)

Could be worse. I love my Toronto Raptors but really? Raptors? I mean I get it it was the 90's and it was a hugely popular movie but could they not have picked a more timeless and culturally relevant name? Use the original Huskies for example?

Nah we gonna do a dinosaur from Jurassic Park.

FML

[–] vala@lemmy.world 1 points 21 minutes ago

If it makes you feel better, rapors were real dinosaurs. They didn't actually come from the movie/book Jurassic Park.

[–] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 3 points 5 hours ago

We have The Cavaliers. A name that everyone agrees is shortened to The Cavs, because nobody knows what the hell a cavalier even is. So we just say the cavs, and move on with our lives.

My favorite movie is Jurassic Park. No seriously, check my post history. There's 3 Jurassic Park references just from Saturday alone.

So, I'm authorizing a trade deal. Cleveland retains the 2016 NBA finals win, and all assosiations from the past of Labron James. Because quite frankly, I'd be lynched for taking that away from Cleveland. It's like....all we got. Our hopes and dreams relies on the fact that one time we won a championship. It might happen again. So, we retain that history in this trade.

Outside of that, Cleveland becomes the Cleveland Raptors, Toronto becomes The Toronto Cavaliers.

Deal?

[–] Mirshe@lemmy.world 3 points 14 hours ago (1 children)

I still wish they would've done the Spiders, but as I understood it, even setting aside the "literally worst record in pro baseball" thing, there was some weird licensing shit.

[–] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 4 points 14 hours ago

We have an AHL hockey team here in Cleveland. The Cleveland Monsters. Back in the 1990s, there was a different hockey team. The Cleveland Lumberjacks. And back in the 1930s-1970s (as well as a short lived reboot in 2003-2005) we had another AHL hockey team called the Cleveland Barons.

So in 2006, when they announced Cleveland would be getting an AHL hockey team, everybody said "BRING BACK THE LUMBERJACKS!!!" Well, a couple of problems there. The Lumberjacks were never part of the AHL. They were part of the (at the time) recently defunct IHL. Completely different league. So, you can't "bring back" the AHL Cleveland Lumberjacks, because they never existed.

Which is the case for the Cleveland Spiders. You can't bring back the American League Cleveland Spiders, because they were part of the American Assosiation. When AA folded, the Spiders moved to the National League, which at the time was it's own seperate league. The formation of what we know as the MLB didn't start until 1903, and the Spiders were defunct by 1899.

So working within the context of what was happening at the time, the American League and the National League were two different seperate competing leagues with no connection to each other at all. Kind of like how the UFL today is not in any way connected to the NFL. Except that the AL and NL were much closer in size and popularity than UFL and NFL.

So, you can't bring back the AL Cleveland Spiders. They never existed, and the Spiders never even existed in the MLB.

All that being said, I still think the Spiders is a stupid name, with a stupid logo. I'm not entirely opposed to the Guardians name, but I DO think their logos are just garbage. It should be the face of the statue that's across the street from the ballpark. The imagery makes itself. I've heard it's because they can't own the copyright on the image of the statues. So, my suggestion is, do what Disney did. Disney can't own the copyright on public domain works like Snow White or Pochohantas. So they make their own fictionalized cartoon version of it. They make a version they can copyright. Do that. Make a version that is unique to your baseball brand, but also recognizable so that tourists leaving the stadium can see that big ass statue, that you can even see from inside the ballpark, and say "Oooooh, the logo is based on that!". While at the same time, keep them out of court.

Yes. I have opinions on Cleveland Sports.

[–] dhork@lemmy.world 2 points 14 hours ago (1 children)

Cleveland Spiders would have.... well.... rocked.

[–] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 1 points 14 hours ago

There's an extra "h" in your username.

[–] Bassman1805@lemmy.world 6 points 14 hours ago (1 children)

When the NHL added a new team, I was hoping they'd name the team the Utah "Washington Football Team"

[–] possiblylinux127@lemmy.zip 5 points 13 hours ago

Call them the orange skins

[–] WaxiestSteam69@lemmy.world 3 points 15 hours ago

I liked it also and wished they'd stayed "Football Team"

[–] charade_you_are@sh.itjust.works 2 points 15 hours ago

I'd have liked them to be called the Washington Birds. Not a specific bird, just any bird.

[–] floop@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 15 hours ago* (last edited 15 hours ago)

Kind of like when you go to a grocery store and see their generic brand, but it has really awesome packaging, so you buy that instead.

Publix is a great example of this.

[–] charade_you_are@sh.itjust.works 22 points 15 hours ago (1 children)

I think he actually cares about being remembered as the pedophile president.

[–] Lucidlethargy@sh.itjust.works 3 points 10 hours ago (2 children)

Yeah, weird right? He doesn't seem to care about anything, but this is his trigger? Like, how many kids did he rape?

[–] Bongles@lemmy.zip 1 points 1 hour ago

Well the best lawyers and most corrupt judges still can't twist what happened on that island potentially decades ago to be part of his official duties, so he could actually go to jail. I suspect avoiding jail was the primary reason he even went for president again.

[–] charade_you_are@sh.itjust.works 2 points 8 hours ago

I'm thinking double digits

[–] BigMacHole@sopuli.xyz 13 points 15 hours ago

I LOVE having a Small Government!

[–] MuskyMelon@lemmy.world 10 points 14 hours ago

The Epstein Files are buried where the new stadium is going to be built.

[–] notsure@fedia.io 10 points 15 hours ago

...stop fucking kids...

[–] PattyMcB@lemmy.world 9 points 15 hours ago

Tell him to fuck himself instead of women and children

[–] rc__buggy@sh.itjust.works 4 points 13 hours ago* (last edited 13 hours ago)

The Caps need to change their name to The Washington Crackers.

I will not repeat what he wants the ~~Bullets~~ Wizards to name themselves.

[–] MantisToboggon@lazysoci.al 4 points 15 hours ago

What a dick!