It’s a perfect metaphor for the performative Christianity they love: all show, no effort
this post was submitted on 24 Sep 2025
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He's wearing a suit for fuck sakes.
A cross without wheels is poor people shit.
Well the entire thing was an insult to whoever wrote Matthew 6:5. Which is a proud Christian tradition, but Americans take it a whole new level.
Yes I wonder who wrote Matthew 6:5, if only there was some sort of a hint.
Honestly I’m surprised there aren’t more sects that explicitly reject Matthew by now. It’s the one that has the bulk of the “don’t be a dick” instructions.
Most of them seem to prefer John which can more easily be twisted into “if you’re a Christian you’re a winner and better than everyone who isn’t, no need to worry about the details, you’re already on the list”
John the Batshit and Luke the Boomer.
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American style Christianity described in one image.
False. The cross is not self propelled with a $20 a month subscription.
With a black guy already nailed to it.
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Jesus after seeing this pic:
Nowhere in the bible is explicitly written, that Jesus didn't think of that. Might have had wheels for all we know. Maybe he just skipped gym and was weak af. Or had the wrong wheels for the terrain ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Wrong
Matthew 4:20:69
"And lo, Jesus tried to explain that the cross would be much easier to carry if it has wheels yet the Roman said 'lol, lmao'"
The wheels were being provided by Apple and so Jesus couldn't afford them.
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Holy shit this is the most accurate metaphorical depiction of modern Christians I've ever seen.
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why didn't Jesus think of that? Was he stupid?
Jesus would have survived crucifixion if he'd tried harder
On the other hand, I think he nailed it.
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If Jesus was so smart, why didn’t he think of this? Would have saved him a ton of work.
Clearly not a great carpenter.
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Back on the Saturday before Easter I was driving down a highway when I saw police blocking the right lane. There was a church group walking along the road dragging a cross. I laughed my ass off when I noticed it had wheels. I only got a screen cap from a dashcam video.
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It's rather poignant I think.
After all the guy they are honouring only ever paid lip service to the religion. So they should to.
If they're too lazy to even perform during their performative gestures, what's the fucking point?!
They should just send a guy out there wearing a life size replica of Charlie Kirks head like a theme park mascot yelling "OBEY" followed by whatever they want their cult to do/feel/etc.
Hey when you're making up the story you can control the entire narrative
🎶I'm here to remind you of the wheels you use on that cross you bear, It's not fair!🎶
Turns out following the teachings of Jesus Christ and being a good person are too difficult for most Christians.
No crown of thorns either. Amateur.
Thorns bite into my skin. And don't get me started on sand. It's coarse and rough and irritating... and it gets everywhere!
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21st century Christianity.
Look at me! Look at me! I’m doing the thing! Look at me!
Vanity will get you sent to hell bro. Hope you know.
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It's also way undersized. Look at how wide it isn't. They'd be nailing his elbows instead of his hands. It ought to be much taller and thicker too.
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11th commandment was work smarter, not harder
If only we could have people performatively wheel around more practical execution devices, like the evergreen guillotine.
Holy shit that's a great band name. Do not steal.
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Holy shit this is so hilarious and so fucking awful. Jesus would be so pissed.
Now I'm imagining Peter Thiel pitching Jesus an easy button as an alternative to sacrificing himself for the sins of humanity.
It's practically a motto: "Optics, not substance."
One of the local churches near me would give everyone a pvc pipe cross lol
At Easter they give everyone a palm cross, then if you still have it by Christmas, you're supposed to burn it, but no one ever does still have it by Christmas, so they give you a new one. Then they burn that one.
This is supposed to signify something, but I don't think anyone knows what.
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Yup. American Evangelism summed up in one picture.
The convict had to carry a horizontal beam (patibulum), 1.5-1.8 m long, to the place of execution, from the place of flagellation. His hands were tied to the crossbeam with straps. According to Roman source literature, a person condemned to crucifixion, he never carried the entire cross, contrary to customary faith and contrary to many modern recreations of Jesus’ path to Golgotha.
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Wait until he gets his 30 lashes with the pink feather boa. That's when the crowd goes wild.
Let me symbolize the suffering that ~~I know others can’t escape~~ that is expected of others while making it easy as possible on the rich guy virtue signaling for their own aggrandizement.
E: words.
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