Ask Lemmy

I think memory works different for different people. I am nearly 30 and I don't really remember much from elementary school (I mean the general experience, not the knowledge of course), nor a big part of my early life up to like 13-14 years old (but it might be connected to childhood trauma).

I am pretty good at learning new words in foreign languages and other similar stuff though.

Everytime you access a memory you change it. Create memoirs (journals, pictures, collages) to snapshot them at a point in time.

Write down your favorite ones, take pictures and get them PRINTED videos future you will thank you

Memories are not permanent, it's not their nature.

Having this “backstory” (for lack of a better term), is what drives me forward, without those memories, like if I get a concussion and forgot everything, I wouldn’t really be… well… “me” anymore

Emotional memories is how we develop a sense of self. So if you are really attached to who you are then it will be terryfing to loose who you are.

But we can do really wacky stuff with our memories. We can delude ourselfs into makeing new false memories or misremembering them.

Also you constantly get new memories and change who you are, so you aren't the same person as you were years ago.

I have grown up without that sense of self and I had to sculpt one from the ground up. So I am not really terrified of loosing the sens of self as I can make one once again. It will be different but it will still be ME.

I've 0 recollection of my school years, where I was consistently bullied and harassed. If I can't remember something it's problably for the better.

I have very similar feelings towards my memories. I'd like to tell you why and offer a solution that's been very transformative for me -- and even for those closest to me.

Writing them down is one of the best things you can do here. Maybe for yourself in general, but that's a different rabbit hole.

I'm approaching 30 and it's only for the past couple of years that I've been journalling things consistently. I started after stumbling upon a very old notebook that I used for all sorts of stuff: writing short bits of fiction, making small notes, processing my feelings, doodling, etc. Between that moment and the oldest entry passed maybe 5-6 years at the time -- and I was shocked to find out how much of that I had forgotten to a point that I felt a jolt reading about them; like a memory injected into my brain, suddenly and all at once.

I can't say every single one of them was pleasant, but over the years, each and every one of them felt valuable. I can't imagine what it would feel like to be reading about your past self from 10, 20, 30 years ago -- that's gotta be like reading about someone else entirely, but much weirder, because you know you're the same person.

Write that down. Don't overthink it -- don't look for systems, don't optimize, don't make it pretty. Just write, and in time, you'll find the way that works for you the most.

And backup. You're one accident away from losing years or decades worth of your life's most dearest memories. If you write by hand, either take photos and back them up (multiple times, different mediums), or digitalize them and then do multiple backups as well. I am speaking from experience.

Start journaling now.

The self is an illusion. If you want to be happy, forget.

Was in an abusive long term relationship. I remember as I was breaking out of it suddenly remembering things I was legitimately repressing. I hated that.

I will say though on the idea of the death of the current self, that is sort of inevitable and absolutely neccery for the future you to exist. Kind of like how us now are different people then when we are 5 years old, and that's a good thing, even if our existence at 5 was also a good thing.

Nope, not at all. I never liked making anything 'permanent' and prefer to do temporary things instead, like building sandcastles. Maybe that has something to do with each other

Ever since my 2nd open heart surgery, I feel as though my memories from before then are kinda mushy and since then I don't know whether my memory formation would be considered normal, so yeah I am worried, too.

I'm in my mid-20s and wonder what's the issue with my brain. It's not such a big issue I need to be checked out, but I'm still curious. Not seeing whether my state health insurance would cover having my brain scanned and tested curious, but curious nonetheless.

I have foggy memories I would love to remember whether they're true or not, but I just don't know where to begin. I mean, I think I went on a road trip with my brother's friends family out of city, but I don't fully remember whether that actually happened or not. Just the feint potential memory of a slanted white basement ceiling with a while pillar holding it up, sunny day, and potentially walking on a TLC desperate road with my brother and his friend. I would ask the friends parents, but I'm not sure they'd remember and it would be kinda awkward to just ask out of the blue since I have zero contact with them.

Well if you forget them, you wouldn't remember them to forget them.

Though seriously, I find interviews, photos, videos even of people telling stories helps. It's the same idea that documentaries use to tell stories.

Mate, I look at it this way: if you've forgotten your memory, how would you know that you've lost it? You'ld just carry on.

Yeah, I remember vividly waking up one day at the end of my teenage years and realizing that I almost completely forgot my childhood, now I just see flashes when I try to remember it.

It's why I don't believe in biographies, no way you remember your entire childhood.

There are people who exist with a syndrome where they have nearly perfect memory recall of their lived life and can remember nearly every moment of their lives very clearly.

Most of the people who live with it do not enjoy the experience.

Surprisingly, forgetting is a necessary and healthy thing, especially when it comes to things like traumatic experiences.

There's actually been several social scientists who claim that the permanent memory of the internet is extremely damaging to young people because they literally cannot escape every deeply embarrassing mistake they made in their youth. It follows them, haunts them, colors every aspect of their life, especially if the embarrassing moment causes bullying against the young person, leaving them constantly afraid of someone noticing them lest that person bully them for their past embarrassments. They advocate the idea that society and humans need to be able to forget to have healthy lives.

As someone with shitty memory: I forget a lot. Whole holidays, people, what I ate yesterday... I have always been that way, and so far I've been doing quite ok in life.

But while I forgot how it felt in a past, shitty job, I don't forget how I promised myself to never work for such a boss again. Or how 16-year old me decided to stay in school aftet trying out metalworking over a summer. I may forget how it was, but I rarely forget what conclusion I drew from it. And that is what defines me as a person, not that I remember the face of my condescending, stupid boss.

Also, while it sucks, my life is my present. My past might be entirely hallucinated, and I might be hit by a bus tomorrow. But now, here, I am alive.

Not really. Just because you can't actively remember something doesn't mean it's lost. Just the pathways to that memory are not being stimulated at the time. There will be random times you remember something you thought you lost but the brain is resilient.

Having medical first hand experience with this: your long term memory is safe. Don't be scared.

I read an article about how we don't remember events correctly and that's why I started writing a dairy. I've been writing almost every day now since 2016, sometimes just half a page, sometimes more.

I used to be worried about this.

Once when I was very young, I wondered if I could fix a moment in my memory and keep it for life - so I tried it.

Stupid result: I still remember that moment quite well, many decades later. It was a dumb boring moment. I'm sure I would have long forgotten, if I hadn't tried to keep it.

Now it is a precious memory of how I have always bent toward scientific method.

All that to say: memory works better and longer than I expected.

Disclaimer: My generic history suggests I will lose that memory and most others, if I live long enough. It is terrifying, but I've learned to live with that fear, and try to eat right and exercise. And I figure lots of things could take me out before that becomes a problem, so there's no need to borrow too much stress from that possible future, yet.

alzheimer's on both sides of family so its real possibility for me. that's a better fate than being sane and stuck to a chair with nothing to do like my great grandpa. There are worst fates. Control what you can like treating your body right. Its all you can do.

Meh, you won't know what you forgot. And when you die you won't know how it's all gone. Best bet is to have kids - tell them your stories when they're young (and can't runaway). They'll remember for a bit and tell their kids. In a way your memories will last forever.

Amnesia is my #1 fear

You, me, and everyone else are the amalgamations and culminations of our individual life experiences. You don’t have to remember the details for those details to have happened and influenced you at the time.

I understand your concerns after having my first concussion almost two years ago now and unvaccinated covid three years before that. Both affected my cognitive state and speed of thinking/remembering, and I’ve wondered/worried how much weaker my mind may be than it could have been. But ultimately what I tell myself is that I can’t change those things, they’re just another thing that led me to now. All I can do is the best with what I have and trust that it will be enough.

But that’s just living with the doom and gloom. I think you may be surprised at what you do remember but can’t recall unprompted. One time I lost the game (I lost the game, sorry) around a friend of a friend who paused for a moment then exclaimed that it had been 15 or 20 years since he last thought about the game. So for all that time one could think he had forgotten, but as soon as something triggered his memory, it was there. Based on that, I advise that you trust that if you have a relevant memory, it will surface at the time it is relevant. Some level of self-reflection is good, but don’t let the reinforcement of old brain connections in memory stand in the way of forming new ones.

I've found that you retain the important stuff, and unfortunately the embarrassing stuff.

Memory aids are a thing. So if a picture, song, smell, or object helps trigger a fond memory, then keep that thing around. Failing that, writing things down can help unlock the rest of a memory.

Music, and scent are the two main memory triggers though. If you can link a memory to one of those things then you're golden.

If you are referring to Alzheimer's then yes. Few things I find more terrifying than forgetting who I am. You gotta keep your brain in shape. Reading books, doing puzzles, and learning languages help with that.

I'm not terrified, but I am a bit of a data hoarder and that includes my memories. So what I did was buy one of these things and now whenever I take my dog for a walk I record an audio log. I've got over ten years of them at this point. For most of that time it was just sitting stored in a folder as a bunch of audio files in subfolders by date, but in the past year or two thanks to the sudden advances in AI I've written up a Python script that transcribed them all and lets me search the transcripts. I'm expecting in another year or two I'll be able to feed all this into a local AI and be able to talk to it about this stuff.

So maybe start making logs like this, knowing that someday you'll be able to do some neat stuff with them.