China attacks South Korea 2026:
> Be the Chinese Gen. Secretary
> Did some naughty stuff during the Cultural Revolution, but tell yourself that it was worth it for the networking
> Sounded kinda good in hindsight, now you're at the top of the machine, untouchable
> Suddenly, someday Kim comes in to visit with a heavy folder
> Pull up a chair for him like you always do
> He splits the folder apart, revealing in excruciating detail what you did, and with whom
> "You know what have to do now, Xi boy"
> Announce an attack on South Korea from you beach club
> Two nuclear powers vs a state with barely any enriched uranium
> Gonna be a cakewalk, 3 days excursion tops
> Find out the Skoreans didn't sit around for 80 years doing nothing and not expecting to be hit
> They make expert use of precision drones, provided by Samsung, to pummel your bases on the coast
> Your soldiers are so scared of these they dress into civvy clothes, get off bases and check into hotels
> They get targeted anyway, since the Japanese and the Americans are providing intelligence for free
> Try to retaliate, but hit schoolchildren instead
> "South Korea is increasingly desperate!"
> Foreign FMs start asking for a reason for the war
> "We had to go in preemptively to stop the Nkoreans from beating us to it"
> 3 weeks in, accomplish nothing
> The Skoreans have effectively closed the strait of Malacca
> Your cargo ships trying to make it to the ocean are burning
> Meanwhile, Kim has quietly pulled his forces from the ordeal to go deal with the Philippines
> Ask the PLA Navy to provide escort, top admiral suggests placing cargo ships in front of warships to avoid the mines
> Out of options, make an international plea for help
> Demand the United States Navy and Indian Navy help secure the strait
> The Indians say that they're considering it (not), Trump doesn't even bother to put in a reply
> Instead they negotiate individually with the South
> Realize that you're really screwed and that things aren't going to get better
> "This blockade hurts your trade more than it hurts us!"
> Threaten warcirmes
> "I will have the honor of taking Mongolia, I can do anything I want!"
> Hallucinate in a fever dream a meeting where you make productive talks to end the war, post it on your Chinese Twitter clone
> Literally everybody denies this ever happened
> Watch in agony as everyone around you think that you've finally lost the plot
Imagine how embarrassing that would be.
