Ask Lemmy

I have ADHD and for me there is only joy or great missery

I like growing and tending to plants, painting miniatures, and working on DnD projects. All of these also generate a physical, tangible thing which is also nice (though I really wish I could use the DnD stuff more.)

I don't drink or weed.

joy is fleeting.

rage is eternal.

accept the rage, become the rage.

Honestly breaks from instant excitement. Spending some time coding, making soap, fixing up the house. If I spend three days boozing, playing games, watching shows, etc I'll be fucking wiped and spend some time just feeling like death afterwords.

If I instead stick to things that require some choring to get to the yippy stage I find I'm just more content.

Take a month off the chems and exercise regularly during that time

I drink alcohol maybe once per year and I've never touched weed. I feel joy when I am around people and animals whom I love.

Was a daily smoker for almost two decades and would defend my usage to anyone who suggested it could be a source of discontent in my life. I kicked the booze habit 10 years ago, kicked nicotine a few years after that, but held onto bud for a long time.

I'm almost 4 months sober now from thc and, while the first 1.5 months were shit cause of sleep issues and general system regulation, I'm so happy to be on the other side of it. It started out as tea break, I had some projects I kept putting off and thought I could reset my tolerance and get some motivation at the same time. But now that I'm several months deep, I'm not going back. My life has improved so much, in both minor and major ways.

Every person is different and it's not my place to tell anyone what they should or shouldn't do regarding substance intake. All I can say is, as someone who was dedicated to a substance supported existence for the majority of my adult life, I am definitely, without a doubt, my best self as a sober human.

Sport and board games.

Nothing like the adrenaline of sport. Capoeira, fencing, whatever...I think having no power, being completely depleted after doing sport is one of the best feelings.

Boardgames: simply a decent combination of strategy, luck and talking, that keeps you engaged.

Exercise & fresh air & sunshine & nutritious food. As a bonus, it costs nothing! Aside from the cost of food which we all need anyway, so might as well spend our money on healthy food instead of the other options.

I have never been high and don't really drink much. I have been mostly depressed since about 2013 but happy maybe here and there. The clean air a few months into lockdown was amazing though.

Sounds like you should be sober from weed too.

If your default state is high, you're never sober. You're just experiencing the hangover state between highs. Think of it as the weed version of delerium to an alchoholic. It's not a physical hangover, so it's not as obvious.

Stay sober for a few weeks. It'll drag at first, but it'll go away after a bit. You'll even out your neurotransmitters and feel like yourself again. Then getting high on occasion will be an event, not a medication.

Anecdotally, people I've known who smoke everyday tend to be okay with things they shouldn't be. The chemical joy seems to make them content with having a kind of shitty life and never actually doing anything. High activities just became their only activities when weed changed from weekends to everyday. I'm not saying this is true of everyone, but I've seen it happen more often than not to daily smokers.

Drugs and alcohol should be occasional modifiers to your life, not the default state. Give your chemistry a rest.

Sugar, chocolate, cookies and cakes.

If you can't feel joy with substances that means you're an addict. You need professional help probably.

But speaking more generally, your issue is you think 'happiness' is an emotional high you have to chase. What you don't get is that happiness isn't some intense feeling of joy... it isn't. It's the ability to self-regulate and to stop chasing the highs and the lows. It's realizing the 'bland' feeling is good. You should be feeling bland.

It's going to get worse before it gets better. But it's worth it.

I don't even feel joy with alcohol and weed. It just shuts off the constantly simmering rage for a while so I can socialize without being a dick.

Alc and thc in the long term both suppress your ability to be happy without them. Your brain gets so use to them that once they are gone it doesn’t know how to maintain your dopamine levels properly.

My biggest advice. It’s ok to be sad, it’s ok to be bored. Infact it’s good to be bored on occasion. It drives passion and energy. Learn to take care yourself. Be gentle when you’re sad, talk with family, exercises, hand with friends. If you’re bored or sad it’s generally your bodies way of telling you that the environment your in needs a change. Being sad or bored or anxious doesn’t have to feel like the end of the world. It takes practice but it’s achievable. You just need to be vigilant and mindful of your emotions

Honestly pretty relatable. I had a bit of a “you’ll shoot your eye out” moment this summer. I got some flower for the first time in a while (it’s mostly a thc drink culture around me) and was smoking daily. For the next couple weeks the thought kept crossing my mind that maybe I should only smoke every other day to keep my tolerance creep slow and prevent what I call “zombie mode.”

I got to meet one of my favorite youtubers whose first video I had watched was this one “On Weed:” https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=_pcavwJitC4

We talked a little and I asked if he still smokes. His answer? “Yeah, but only every other day.” To hear him echo the exact thing I had been considering internally really got me. I’ve been a lot better about keeping a day or more between getting high, and I have found that it has helped me enjoy being sober more as I have found things to do while sober, and also increased my enjoyment of getting high as I have more time to look forward to it and a lower tolerance that makes it easier to get to the right level.

I highly recommend it.

I think that when you "poison" your brain with easy dopamine like candy, fastfood, alcohol, drugs, endless scrolling, etc you will shift the internal goalpost of when something feels good. Compared to these easy sources of "joy", life just isn't that interesting. The scale changes to the point that normal things cannot longer provide enough jou to be worth it.

Personally I've been trying to constrain myself a bit on these easy sources of "empty happiness". Things that do give me joy without ruining my brain are, among others: running, music festivals, listening to nice music, looking back at something cool I made, making something cool, playing videogames, chilling with friends (though this usually involves alcohol). These things definitely don't reliably provide joy, Most of the times they're just "nice" but definitely not amazing. But every now and then I get hit with that dopamine rush and it's all worth it.

I transitioned and now life is mostly kinda acceptable levels of bullshit with some very bright spots so... estrogen injections I guess.

Without drugs your body moderates moods and emotions naturally based more or less on what is beneficial or harmful (good things might be connecting with friends, succeeding at a challenge, good food, a comfortable or beautiful environment). Thinking positively is incredibly helpful too.

With drugs though, your feeling of good and happiness is skewed out of balance so only drugs will give you that feeling.

Drugs artificially elevate mood by flooding the brain with neurotransmitters such as dopamine, distorting your sense of well-being and preventing your body from producing these feelings naturally.

It might not be easy but your body will return to normal rythms and emotions with time and healthy habits.

Off the top of my head, here are a few of the things that gave me joy this week...

OMG kitty!
Hey, it's my awesome wife!
Yay, video games!
This burger tastes amazing!
Damn this chair is comfy.
Boobies!!!
I made someone smile today!
It's a beautiful day for a bike ride!
Did I mention the kitty?
Farts are funny, I didn't care how old I am.
I made friends with my new neighbors dog!

If you aren't getting at least a little bit of joy from life, you probably need to see someone about depression.

When you become addicted to something, taking that something will often bring you back to baseline due to the cravings you have when not doing that addictive something. At least that's how I see it. It's like when smokers say they feel less stressed when they smoke, but really they just feel normal when they smoke because the addiction stresses them out when they're not smoking.

I'm not your parent, and I don't want to take any substance away from you without your consent.

That said, feeling like you can't experience joy while being sober and lucid is extremely sad. And I say that as someone who has experimented with substances! Without any judgement, I think a therapist will help you far more than the effects of any drug...

I am in the same boat as you, but I agree with the other comments that say weed will make you ok with anything. Weed has always seemed like a good option for me due to (multiple sources of) chronic pain, but I can absolutely tell that it has affected me negatively over the years. I need a substantial lifestyle change at some point in the near future.. I need to reorganize my entire life, and also need to stop being a fat piece of shit.

The most common way for me is with music, sometimes a song hits just right and it’s amazing. Doesn’t have to be a happy song to make me feel happy, just has to be the right song.

When I was young, I had no money to get drunk or high, or smoke. Saw people getting hooked on that shit, sick, and dying, and decided that this is not the way for me.

Can't say I'm unhappy with that choice, and my life.

Make sure you are also doing fun and nice things for yourself while sober, and not just reserving it for when you're high. Expectations and associations make a big difference, if you're taking a drug with the intention and belief that it will make you feel a certain way, that alone might make it work.

Except for alcohol, which will make often you feel like shit even if you expect it to make you feel good. Congrats on quitting.

Weed gives me anxiety attacks and I'm allergic to alcohol.

Cocaine, ghb, twelve Thai prostitutes at once. They have to be Thai though.

I never had weed, but I did drink occasionally. I am seldom sad. I may not always be happy, but I am always peaceful. I cannot offer you advice, but I can tell you what makes me persistently joyful are people. Maybe I would help someone carry a bag, or just smile at someone running, reminding them that they can do it. Just small interactions in my beautiful little city with its beautiful people. Makes me feel a strong sense of identity, like I am invested in everyone's personal success. It also never makes me feel alone, because if I am suffering, I just think of millions of others who are also suffering. Some are facing bigger and some smaller problems than mine.

Try being more kind to strangers, more generous and more empathetic. This alone has led me to so much peace, that I cannot tell you.

I hope you do well, my friend.

• Long walks, daily. This literally changed my life.
• Spending time with people I love. Quality time I mean, and really being together and appreciate it aka not sitting one next to the other while wasting our time in front of the TV or doom scrolling.
• Reading great books, writing. That helps too.
• Most important: be ok with things not being perfect or exactly as one wants them to be. And being ok with shit happening, be it around us or with us.

You probably should take at least one year break from it. You will feel like shit for a time, but trust me when you stop using substances you will regain yourself, and your sense of balance slowly. Being sober is not your main problem..

Cravings and the feeling/thought of "just a little bit..", "it would help me.." will be present later, you have to learn your triggers and what makes you want to do it in the first place.. You have to research the topic.

I can tell that you aren't happy at all when you are high.. You might feel it, and belive it..

I won't tell you what to do or not, but as someone who came out alone from "addiction" mainly smoking weed, but used harder substances too..

Drugs fuk you up... No matter if you're using harmreduction practices, or just don't care..

Trust me there will be no need, even for a little bit of it, when you become sober and change your life truly..

You have to find your own way what works for you. Exercise is a good way to start.

It can be your source of strenght, and you can learn so much from yourself, your brain and substances..

It's better without it. It will get you nowhere good if you continue to smoke, you will never be satisfied if you think that weed makes you happy...

Doing 'nothing much' while stoned can be good fun, but is miserable sober. Youre probably not going to feel happy without alcohol / thc if you're just remove them and don't change your lifestyle. Think about activities that weed doesn't go that well with and try and get into those. That's why 'sober' people are often the folks going for early morning runs or playing in sports clubs, or their taking on lots of projects and creating /renovating / etc. What interests you is personal, but reading, gardening, outdoor walks, climbing, community activitivism, learning a language, etc are all good choice.

The problem with asking others how the heck they regulate without drugs is that they're not you. They don't have your brain or your hormones.

No solution from someone without the problem is likely to work and most people with the problem do not have a solution.

If i can find a sweet spot where i'm challenged but succeeding in an environment free of selfish unethical people, then i can get through the day without a toke. At the moment its bong-a-fucking-clock.

Never smoked weed or had a drop of alcohol here!

Honestly, your question is somewhat unsettling, as I'm not sure it is exactly healthy to only feel joy while under the influence of chemicals, so that might be something you should ask a medical professional about.

That said, surely you experienced joy as a child before using weed/alcohol at some point in your life, right? I guess in a lot of ways, I still feel that same spark of happiness or excitement I did when I was a kid. The things that sparked it may have changed somewhat, but the same feeling is there.

Brain normalizes pretty much everything. Keep the happy sources small, and sometimes really small things can give a big hit.

My most recent hit? A rosary popped out of a treadmill.

I smoked a lot of weed as a young adult. Looking back on that time I believe that I was escaping from the endless intrusive thoughts. Focusing my mind on any sort of work was difficult and I used all sorts of substances to get by. My typical usage profile is to find something appealing and use the shit out of it until it becomes a problem, spend time recovering and repeat with the next chemical. After recovering from heroin addiction it became obvious that it was not normal behaviour and I sought medical advice. They diagnosed ADHD and many of the past events started to make sense. I use routine to bring order to my life. I meditate to calm the mind. The medication allows me to focus and prioritise tasks. I think of my life in two starkly distinct chapters, pre and post diagnosis. I feel happy and the thought of taking substances seems like a strange thing to do.

I dont want to discourage you from getting clean and healthy, but you kind of can't feel the same joy from sobriety.

There are certain moments in life that will blow regular drugs out the water (cant speak for hard drugs/DMT), like getting married, seeing your kid get born, achieving a lifelong goal etc. The problem is they're just moments. Life is absolutely dull when sober, but once youre used to it its just fine.

LSD