All the uncles on my wives side of the family are so useless at Thanksgiving. They don't cook, clean, clear their plate or even make their own plate. Its one of the most infuriating thing I have ever seen.
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Overheard a conversation a few years back where a group of guys were talking about how they didn't know how to cook or do laundry because that was woman's work and how they expected their mothers and / or wives to do that for them. It was so pathetic how proud they were that they could not take care of themselves.
As a child we always did the girls cook and boys clean method, which isn't as bad as it could be, but still leaves a lot to be desired. Instilled that boys need to be part of the work, but needlessly gender divided the work anyway 😐
And don't forget to teach all the kids how to fix an electrical socket, change a tire, build a computer.
That's why before any children visit my house, I take all of the sockets out of the walls and leave the bare wires dangling from the receptacle. You want to charge your phone? Take this outlet and screwdriver. Oh, got a bit fried? Lesson one: check the breaker before doing electrical work, idiot.
The survivors go directly to trade school.
And place the hungry chihuahua in front of the circuit breaker. That way they learn to tame a dog and find the right switch. #twofer
Genuinely good advice.
I was on a trip with my partner (I am female, partner is male), and when we got off the train to go home, we had a flat tire.
He is not handy at all, and got super flustered and frustrated and was going to call AAA, and I was like umm.. you have a spare in here, right? Time to learn how to change a tire! Pop that trunk!
And so I made him do it, and walked him through how, and now he knows for next time, yay! I’ve also fixed his dishwasher, patched drywall, several other plumbing things, etc. only thing I wont touch for someone else is electric. I wont even do my own unless its a plug-in thing.
He, in turn, helped me with building my computer and doing various software stuff I could probably do on my own but didn’t know how.
So even if those skills aren’t super useful for you directly, you can and will use them with other people and you can pass on the knowledge. I mean I learned to change a tire as a very young adult, from an off-duty cop who stopped to help on the side of the highway. I knew the basics, but he showed me the full process. And since then I’ve taught two others, but haven’t needed it for myself.
A similar thing happened with me and my sister. We were riding with our then boyfriends somewhere and got a flat. Niether of the guys knew how to change it. Both my sister and I did. It was late, and a cop stopped to check on us, a lady cop, she laughed when we told her what was going on, taught both of them right then and there how to change the tire.
I also helped a younger girl change her tire for her in a parking lot, she was really greatful she didn't have to call her dad.
My rule (and one from a buddy at work) is that in order to be allowed to drive alone my kids are going to be expected to explain to me how to change a tire, check basic fluids, and replace a headlamp/brakelamp.
I don't care if they are physically capable of doing it (they are pretty petite girls and some people torque the hell out of lugbolts/nuts) but in case they ever require help from someone, they should be able to recognize if it is correctly done, or if the person is acting shady.
I love this approach. Learn so, if nothing else, you can teach others.
One of my first boyfriends showed me how to build a computer, he walked me through how to pick parts and check features, but I decided what to buy. When I had everything he showed me how to put it together and get it working.
Ten years later a different boyfriend's laptop conked out. I got him his own set of tools and said "Time to learn how a computer works."
My daughter always helps me with oil changes. We love it.
Plunging a toilet, cleaning a toilet.
It is all about the pull, not the push.
Writing the theme tune, singing the theme tune.
Also mending, how to do laundry, plus how and when to compromise.
Dad taught us that there is no such thing as women's work ..... there's just work.
Once you live on your own or in a space without women, you quickly realize how no one cares who does the dishes, washes your clothes or mops your floor.
Unless of course you want to live like a wild animal.
There is fair division of labor, though.
"We are equal partners sharing responsibility for maintaining our shared living space" is vastly different from "I don't do dishes because that's a woman's job"
Jokes on you lady, I only have sons, so boys do every chore.
Jokes on you lady, Thanksgiving isn't for another 320 days, 12 hours, and 50 minutes 😤
Jokes on you lady, what's thanksgiving?
We have division of labor, particularly for big parties like Thanksgiving. I don't want help with cooking but don't want to have to clean up. That's our general division of labor because I legitimately enjoy cooking, and people legitimately love eating what I cook; and husband says he would much rather clean up. His dad is a better cook than his mom, I don't think it's a sexist thing. So sure I have to do more cooking (started yesterday) but he does more too. The kids just do overflow mostly and while all of them are competent in some way in a kitchen, the distribution of good cooks is not a gender split among them.
The technology split is more gendered, all of the boys (including the one who started out a girl) are gamers and can build a computer, 3/4 of the girls are gamers and technically competent but only one is willing to fuck around with the hardware. One, my oldest, is not at all comfortable with technology, does not want to know how anything works. But she worked construction/home renovation and is good with saw and drill.
It'll also make it so much easier to find a soulmate. Knowing one's way around a kitchen is a godsend for all.
I can't dance, but I sure can cook. More than one way to meet a mate.
I know my way around the kitchen. You stabbed the plastic film with a fork and then you put it in the microwave. If I'm feeling really adventurous I'll use the air fryer.
a step up from that would be frozen protein and veggies in the air fryer, maybe with a sauce packet that you just heat up in water, or maybe just ketchup. i recommend trying that because you usually get a wider variety of available food to try. and trying food you've maybe never eaten before is usually a good thing to do. it broades your vision.
I always wanted to help my mom with the cooking when we were growing up, but she was such a control freak that she would hardly even allow anyone else into the kitchen. I’m sure plenty of other mothers are like that, too.
This was my wife. She didn't know how to cook, run a washing machine, run a dishwasher, any normal household task. Absolutely nothing because her mom wouldn't let her in fear she would mess something up.
I had to teach a 26 year old how to do everything to be self-sufficient and simply function day to day.
My wife's mother was like that. Then she was confused as to why her daughter couldn't cook (and so had to teach herself after she moved out).
Brother?
Even more frustrating, because when she turned 70, she admitted that she never liked cooking anyway, but will still tell us we're doing it wrong.
Frustrating indeed.
But maybe the reason she didn't want you in the kitchen was because she didn't want you (or anyone) to watch her struggling. And the reason she's so critical is that she spent decades criticizing herself in there.
Or maybe not. I don't know your mother.
I do, and you're spot on.